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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to seek help for "mild" historical child abuse ?

15 replies

cloudsneverstay · 25/09/2017 21:35

I feel nervous posting about this. I do not wish to post too many details and out myself. Well, here goes:

I grew up in a home where there was some domestic violence against my mum but also against me and an older sibling- mostly verbal and emotional abuse that only occasionally became physical, but was mostly threats and intimidation, gaslighting, ridiculing, minimising, mocking and certain health needs we had were not met etc. I remember living in fear that one of us would get killed and often having anxiety and panic episodes that made me extremely unwell. I remember feeling helpless, worthless and intense shame. To top it all off, i suffered bullying from my earliest years at primary school, and was sexually assaulted more than once as an older child. I also experienced a relative who would touch me betwen my thighs as a small child and make sexual comments to me. Not exactly abuse, but still not nice.

I have self harmed since childhood and had problems with food for as long as i can remember. Also other behaviours. As a young adult I was labelled as having a personality disorder, and had some behavioural therapy designed for people with a PD diagnosis. I was told by the therapist that PD is often rooted in complex trauma and some doctors see it as a form of C-PTSD. I read about PTSD and realise I fit all the symptoms and behaviours. I had a breakdown recently (one of many over the years) and was informed by the mental health team that, yes, I was exhibiting real trauma symptoms and maybe trauma therapy would help. Well, I have had another assesment and have been allocated a new CPN.

Went to see new CPN today. I admit I do have problems trusting people and with paranoiad beliefs that others are invalidating me and rejecting me. Well, when I started to describe my childhood, she would say things like "but you weren't hit?" and she "hmmed" a lot. I asked her of her experiences with people who have CPTSD etc and she told me she was familiar with it and had worked with those who had severe cases. She did not say she would NOT refer me to therapy but she said she wanted to get to know me first. She did not want to use the notes she had been given from those who helped me when I broke down a few months ago. I cannot help feeling she sees my case as a waste of time???

Now I am starting to doubt myself again. It took me a long time to admit to myself I deserved ANY help and that what happened WAS abuse. I feel like the NHS geenrally does not think my case is worth treating. But I have had violent and suicidal episodes so bad the police have been called and my issues trusting people and paranoia have ruined my close relationships and made me scared because so many things "trigger" me. I am also considered unfir for work due to this issue. But I feel like I am a waste of space as regards funding and maybe the doctors etc feel the same??

OP posts:
GruffaloPants · 25/09/2017 22:25

YANBUat all. I think you are projecting a lot regarding what the nurse was thinking. It sounds like she is just following normal process, but could do with thinking about how her responses could be misconstrued.

Lots of luck to you. I hope you find some peace soon. What you experienced was harmful abuse and you have every right to seek help.

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2017 22:28

I'm no expert but that isn't mild at all!

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2017 22:29

". I also experienced a relative who would touch me betwen my thighs as a small child and make sexual comments to me. Not exactly abuse, but still not nice."
It was abuse. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through

littlecabbage · 25/09/2017 22:31

Being touched between the thighs IS sexual abuse and should not have happened to you xx

krustykittens · 25/09/2017 22:33

Nothing that you have mentioned is mild, OP. Get all the help you can and take care of yourself. x

fedupski · 25/09/2017 22:35

The physical, emotional and sexual abuse you talk about is not mild. I hope the CPN gets you the help you deserve to recover from so many traumatic things you have experienced

mimilightyear · 25/09/2017 22:38

You're not a waste of space, please don't doubt yourself. You DO deserve help and I sincerely hope you get it OP.

So sorry for what you've been through, that is horrific abuse and certainly not mild. None of it is your fault.

WingsofNylon · 25/09/2017 22:39

None of that is mild. Well done for seeking help. You can't know what the nurse was think I so try not to make assumptions. For the longest time I down played my trauma. Told myslef it was only mild because I was 13 and i believed the person to be my boyfriend. It helped immensely when I finally said to myself, 13 is still very much a child and you were manipulated into thinking the situation as normal.

You were abused in a few forms, by a few different people by the sounds of it. That isn't mild and you should feel as though you are I any way less deserving of help.

Flowers
mynameiscalypso · 25/09/2017 22:40

It is very common with PTSD to think that your trauma isn’t ‘bad’ enough or that other people have suffered much worse than you and are more deserving of help but it’s not true at all. I’m undergoing trauma therapy at the moment and I know I take the most innocent comment to be a reflection of the fact that my therapist must think I’m a total waste of time when it’s really not and absolutely just a result of the anxiety and other effects of the trauma. What happened to you sounds horrendous and I hope you manage to get the help that you need Flowers

username7979 · 25/09/2017 22:50

It seems all these different forms of abuse combined have affected you quite a lot. Please do seek help. You can self refer to free counselling charities.

krustykittens · 25/09/2017 22:54

I can vouch for Crisis. They specialise in helping adult survivors of childhood abuse. They were invaluable to me when I first needed help. Do see if they have a branch near you, OP.

plantsitter · 25/09/2017 23:00

The thing with child abuse is that you perceive the abuse as normal because it happened to you as a child. It is not. That's why you feel this way.

Wait and see about the referral. Will you be seeing this CPN again soon?

cloudsneverstay · 26/09/2017 18:00

Thank you to everyone who posted. Yeah, I still feel am at that stage of needing validation for what happened to me. I find any hint of inavlidation makes me feel very triggered. I just need to be accepted and given a safe place to heal.

OP posts:
cloudsneverstay · 26/09/2017 18:04

plantsitter I see her again on the 4th

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 26/09/2017 18:07

I don't think what happened to you was mild, or not abuse.

It sounds to me like you suffered for a sustained period and from a number of different people.

You certainly were sexually abused by the relative, and emotionally abused by your mum's partner (sorry I'm not clear if it was your dad or not?).

Emotional abuse is very damaging and harder to see. Witnessing DV towards your mum is also emotional abuse as well.

I hope it helps to see it written down. You have been through a lot and you are believed.

Take care.

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