To ask you to share your cooking disasters?

[user1480334601]

The past fortnight I've decided to do more good cooking instead of freezer stuff, takeaways etc. for me and DP

So far I've had a steak pie that was dry as dust inside. A surf and turf that, due to turning the hob on instead of the oven, resulted in frozen (unserved) scampi and a melted bowl.

Tonight I tried homemade burger with homemade chips. I "parboiled" the chips first, which turned to mush. So after watching Masterchef last week decided to rustle up a hash brown.

Me and DP are currently sitting eating burgers that are overpowered with the taste of Cumin. And a pile of sad bland potato with oniony bits in it. Its horrible. DP has finished his bless him I'm struggling.

Can you share your cooking horror stories to cheer me up?

Although I say so myself, I'm usually a pretty good cook. Must have been distracted the day I baked these at 200c for 30 mins.

My sister once made some shortbread, but she had forgotten to add the sugar. It was like eating lumps of flour. 😕

Attempted to bake a dual layer chocolate cake. In a combi oven with a single shelf... sat one tin on top of the other. This did not end well...

Threw some spuds in the oven, didn't stab them i mean how much difference can it make?

They exploded with such force the oven door flew open

We had just extended our kitchen in our old house and had friends coming to dinner. I was making watercress soup and didn’t secure the lid properly on the liquidiser! The kitchen including the freshly plastered walls and myself were covered in green stringy bits with green liquid.

I was making vegetable soup in the pressure cooker one time when i was in my teens.
Opened it too soon and it spewed upwards all over the kitchen ceiling.
That was bad enough but i wasn't even in my own house I was nannying at the time. Needless to say i've never used one since as it scared me witless

Top kitchen tip:

Don't confuse washing up liquid and olive oil when frying chicken

Wanted to make a special meal steak and mash potatoes to get the potatoe really smooth I blended it and it turned to a pourable liquid!

This will make a wonderful ready-made magazine article when some lazy journal pinches it won't it?

Delia's recipe for lemon squid. Involved a ridiculous amount of grated lemon zest. Completely inedible and had to throw it away. I cried (I really love squid)

Added hazelnut coffee to a casserole instead of Bisto

Made pea and ham soup with dried marrowfat peas , I had to boil it for six months (slight exaggeration)

These are brilliant glad to know I'm not the only one!

I also melted our darling baby daughters steriliser last month by leaving it on the hob and turning it on instead of the oven (maybe need to start cooking with glasses more!)

When I was a kid apparently I wanted to be sweet and make my dad a coffee. I had obviously picked it up wrong as he was presented with a coffee/tea combo! He pretended to drink it too bless him..

Also tried to make my mum mothers day breakfast in bed. Didn't add water to the egg poacher pan so she ended up with egg in melted black plastic!

Doubt I'll be applying to Masterchef anytime soon

I made a fancy shepherds pie once that suggested a pinch of cinnamon in the mince. The lid came off and half a jar of cinnamon went into the mince. I cooked it anyway. The smell in the house was lovely but nothing like shepherds pie

I've had many a cake disaster, but the most memorable mishaps (probably because he does the cooking) are DH's.

He followed instructions on the internet to poach an egg in the microwave - blew the entire thing off the wall. Microwave, microwave brackets, Pyrex fragments, egg, eggshell, all propelled about 8 feet across the room over the head of a very frightened terrier.

He then hoovered up the widespread mess - including par-cooked egg - with a handheld Dyson, but didn't think to empty it.

I fired it up about 2 weeks later and...well, you can imagine the stench.

The roast potatoes served with bits of grass and dirt are a whole other story.

Boiled some eggs.
Went out on the school run forgot to turn the gas off.
Came home to exploded eggs ... ceiling, walls, cupboards, floor ... splattered.

Kids moaned all week the house stank of egg, thankfully Dh working away by the time he came home all I had to explain waz why the saucepan had a blackened base.

Those Stellar saucepans are so forgiving, over time its back to normal and I'm still using it.

And how the hell do you get PARAGRAPHS in this stupid app?

Potentially very outing but I once tried to mull my own wine. I ran out of ginger so I added gingernut biscuits and thought I could sieve it out but the flavour would remain.... not the case. I had lumpy, incredibly thick mulled wine

sayyouwill thought of that actually made me feel a bit sick

My brother blew up the microwave when he was young not young enough for him to not have any bloody common sense though, aged 18
Put scrambled egg in a jug, left metal fork in there and put it on for 10mins. Fucking twat. Blamed me for the acrid smell that lasted for weeks because 10yr old me ought to have told boy genius not to. I didn't even see him do it 🙄

I once tried to mull my own wine. I ran out of ginger so I added gingernut biscuits and thought I could sieve it out but the flavour would remain.... not the case. I had lumpy, incredibly thick mulled wine

😂😂😂😂😂

I like really crispy bacon but I left it in the oven under the grill too long and completely obliterated it. There were black burnt bits dripping onto the tray and just traces of where the bacon should have been! Sad times....