AIBU to speak to the teacher?

[Filiboom]

DS1 has just started year 1 and is having trouble with friendships at the moment. He had a few very good friends last year but is now saying they don't want to play with him but are being mean to him and want to hurt him and that he doesn't have anyone to play with at break time.

I have no idea of the details and there's always two sides to every story, but I do know he seems sad and a bit subdued during the week. Another mum overheard him telling on what of the TAs that he was sad because he had no one to play with.

I don't think it's bullying, but I am struggling to know whether this is something I should talk to the teacher about - not to name names, but just to see if the staff can encourage him to mix with other children. He was very close to these boys last year and if that's changing, he needs to play with other children. I'm concerned that as he's quite gentle and very keen to follow rules he can get a bit overlooked (e.g. His partner this term was a girl he's been friendly with since nursery, but she's now been swapped with another girl as the second partnership were messing around together a bit much).

I'm really pleased that he's talking to me about this and thinks that I can help. I don't want him to end up sad and lonely at school and not want to tell anyone. But is this something to talk to the teacher about and, if so, is now the time or should I give things a bit longer to settle down (he's been talking about this for just over a week)? I work four days a week so tomorrow is the only time I can go in (assuming the teacher even has time tomorrow). Otherwise, it's another week during which it could all blow over, or he could get really unhappy.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I'm just not sure what to do, and what teachers expect to be done by parents in these situations. This is all a bit new for me, but I'm just so sad that the boy who loved school last year is unhappy there now.

Thank you!

Yes, speak to the teacher. He's only Y1 should be very easy to get him to play with other kids.

Definitely speak to the teacher and TA .. poor little lamb, makes my heart bleed

I would speak to her but not on the basis that others are being mean possibly, just mentioning at this stage that he seems to be excluded from groups at break times and is there any way that the staff could encourage integration?

If it persists and does seem to be more a bullying issue then raise it again.

I'm a Year 1 teacher and I'd want you to come and see me. I'd hate to think that one of the children in my class was unhappy and that I hadn't realised. Your son's teacher will want to help, but won't be able to unless you let her know that there's a problem.

Jinx.
I could have written this very post. Word for word. My boy is in year 1 too. Also been sad with no-one to play with. Eventually I did speak to the teacher. She engineered so that he had children to play with. She also made a happy face and sad face card, which he has to give the teacher at the end of every play time. This way she can prompt him to give more details if there is a problem. He was having trouble communicating his problems.

We are on day 2 of the new system now and he has been so much happier!

I hope things can be sorted for your child too.

Yes speak to the teachers. They can get the lunch time staff to keep an eye out and during class the teachers can encourage friendships if he is struggling. My son struggles terribly. However he has found Football and he loves it. I statutes putting his football in his bag for lunch time playing and he seems to be getting a few new people to play with through this.

Perhaps they could do something like this?

Thank you. I've just emailed the school and will hopefully get to speak to them this week. It's good to know I'm not just being an interfering mother!

He was telling DH that three of the boys (his three best friends from last year) were hitting him today and calling it a game but that it didn't feel like a game to him because there's only one of him. I didn't mention that in my email and very much hope it's just a one off (not least because their mothers are my friends), but it does sound a bit more serious than just no one wants to play with him.

I just hope this can all get nipped in the bud. I was bullied at secondary school and I hate to think he might even feel a fraction of what I did.

And Living and Looking - I hope things improve for your sons too. I knew this kind of thing would probably be on the horizon at some point, but I didn't realise it would start so young!

Thanks filiboom.
I would add that the boys in my son's class were also playing unkind games, they called it "attacking". Hope things improve for you too.

"Invading" here.

I suspect he is a bit different to some of them - not into football (when a lot of them are), very into "facts", and loves to impart his knowledge.... But still.

Fingers crossed!