This is my first go on this...am hoping the anonymity could be helpful. My youngest has just started school & I am overwhelmed with sadness at prospect of not having a little one at home with me any longer! I had to give up work 18 months ago due to depression. My MiL has been subbing us each month as a consequence. She says she is happy to until I am fully better, but I feel awful/embarassed. Time off has made me a bit better, but now I really don't want to return. I wonder if I should take this opportunity (via her funds) to volunteer/retrain so that if/when I do return it is into something I truly want to do (previous work just admin)? Or should I remain a SAHM for longer?
To put depression into context, my Dad died after years of suffering (was hardest 5 years of my life). I had my children in this period & feel their baby/toddlerhood was completely overshadowed by the grief. In his final year, whilst I was trying to care for him, my newborn also got meningitus (had both in hospital for a period & ultimately had to prioritise son, who recovered thankfully). After dad died my maternity leave ended a month later, had to return to a stressful job. Within a few months then lost x2 grandparents & family dog. Then eldest son got seriously ill & needed full-time care for 5 months (it was at this point I 'broke' & resigned). He was also diagnosed with ASD at this time, which has completely turned our world upside down! It's now been a year of relative peace thank goodness (apart from my recent diagnosis of arthritus aaargh!), but AIBU to think that this was a lot to cope with?
Written way to much, feel a bit silly now, but going to post anyway! Advice welcome!