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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reasonale time for a 10yo to eat

24 replies

AmaraSas · 24/09/2017 20:34

My ex just dropped DS off at 8pm. Since i became his primary carer at easter we have had this informal arrangement about times. As long as he is back by 8:30 for bed yada yada i try and keep it all even handed. However tonight he turned up at 8pm. ... he hasnt eaten. What!?!?! He said he wanted chicken nuggets and i didnt have any in. WHAT!?!?!?

It took a lot of will power not to explode.... AIBU to think that a father should realise 8pm is far to late to eat for a 10 year old, AND if said 10 year old demands chicken nuggets then there are local facilities by which to purchase said items (last i checked neither rare or expensive), or D-ex should grow a .... and tell the 10yo he'll have whats on the table and enjoy it.

Sorry... needed to vent, now i can text calmly and reasonably .... hopefully

OP posts:

Purplesky2 · 24/09/2017 20:40

He should have fed him himself.

lozzylizzy · 24/09/2017 21:00

My 9yo eats past 8 twice a week

MsMommie · 24/09/2017 21:04

I can see why you're annoyed but he's not exactly going to starve, so don't get so wound up about it.
You should have directed him to mcdonalds because they ALWAYS have them in.

HippadoppaloppaGammeldag · 24/09/2017 21:10

Or he should have just given him something else to eat?

llangennith · 24/09/2017 21:27

YANBU. If the boy has not had a meal since lunch time he needs a meal by 5.30 or 6.
Tell him his DS has to have been fed a proper meal before dropping him home.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 24/09/2017 21:29

I would be angry yes but it's not the end of the world. I definitely wouldn't be rewarding the food demands with nuggets at your house. I would just tell ex that if he wants to keep DS until 8/8:30 then he needs to feed him.

Original poster

AmaraSas · 24/09/2017 21:48

I think thats my point, the reason he gave for not feeding him was ridiculous.

OP posts:

paxillin · 24/09/2017 21:53

Aged 10 they eat with the adults. Same meal as the adults and same time. 8 or 8:30 wouldn't be unusual for us, but they are past the "I want nuggets" tantrum age.

MrsMHasIt · 24/09/2017 21:58

I imagine this is one of many reasons why he is an ex? Life happens (e.g. Held up at an activity) but that was a totally unreasonable excuse.

mrsm43s · 24/09/2017 22:05

I don't think that a 10 year old not eating til 8pm is a big deal tbh.

There's also a big difference between said 10 yr old being offered food, and refusing because he wanted chicken nuggets (perfectly reasonable for the child to be "unfed" in that situation, at 10 mine would have to go without if they refused the reasonable options offered), and no food being offered at all (less reasonable, but not really the end of the world at only 8pm).

It's really impossible to tell from your post whether your DH is unreasonable or not.

NoSquirrels · 24/09/2017 22:05

Not entirely sure what your issue is, OP?

8pm teatime for 10 year old = not massively unreasonable (but annoying if you didn't expect to feed them)

No chicken nuggets in = 10 year old eats something else.

corythatwas · 24/09/2017 22:12

Reason given ridiculous, but 10yo old enough to eat at adult mealtimes, nothing wrong with 8 o'clock.

paxillin · 24/09/2017 22:12

It's true. If your ExH offered food and DS refused because it wasn't nuggets, I'd not have given an alternative meal. If your ExH hasn't offered food, I'd feed him after 8pm, but not nuggets.

MrsMHasIt · 24/09/2017 22:13

Did he cook a meal that your ds refused or did he just not cook because ds wanted nuggets? If he cooked that would change my opinion.

corythatwas · 24/09/2017 22:16

Mind you, I would not have provided an alternative for a 10yo who insists on chicken nuggets- but I would have counted providing something else as feeding him.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/09/2017 22:17

Id be more pissed with the kid. 10 is plenty old enough to eat or go without.

Like hell would I go outside grab a load of nuggets cos he decided to be awkward.

If he needs to he in bed at 8.30 send to bed at 8.30 it's his own fault he didn't eat.

Unless of course wasn't actually offered any other food in which case he needs to sort himself out and tell his kid this is what's for tea eat or go hungry

Original poster

AmaraSas · 24/09/2017 23:42

Just to quantify. Ex didnt offer an alternate or cook anything. Ds has Additional needs and a very strict routine when it comes to mealtimes/bedtimes etc etc, as it has such a significant impact on all everything else. Socially and emotionally he is about 6 so a "i want chicken nuggets" tantrum is not beyond him. But that all said, we acknowledge he is 10 and have interventions in place to teach him social expectations etc.

From quizzing and questions i understand they were streaming star trek. Ds said he was hungry at 6pm his normal meal time. Ex asked him what he would like, Ds replied, ex said I dont have any you can eat at your mothers then proceeded to stream another 2 hours of star trek..... i just needed to rant, nice to see different perspectives

OP posts:

midnightmisssuki · 24/09/2017 23:46

I guess it would matter what time his bedtime is? If it's 830pm then I guess he should have eaten at 7pm?

Your ex is unreasonable to have not fed him. It's his son for gods sake!

corythatwas · 25/09/2017 09:43

Ok, if he has additional needs, then I can see both why catering to his diet might be a good idea and why a casual waiting 2 hours beyond normal meal time might be a problem. But that was essential information. Even for an NT 6yo I wouldn't see either of those as a problem: my attitude would be "have your tantrum then". SN is a possible game changer and only you can tell how much it changes things.

PollyMycroft · 25/09/2017 17:33

Yanbu OP-even without the additional needs info you were NBU iyswim. There was no reasonable reason why your dc was fed other than 'can't be arsed' by dh.

Purplemac · 25/09/2017 20:15

I don't think that eating after 8pm is SO bad BUT it's more the fact that you were expecting him to be fed so you hadn't prepared? Right?

I get this with DSD. I'm an avid meal planner and also we dont really have frozen easy foods as try to eat freshly prepared meals so if she gets dropped off unexpectedly unfed it really throws me off kilter.

Popfan · 25/09/2017 21:20

Sorry but I think 8.00 is too late for a 10 year old to eat!! My son is 10 in December and he is in bed with lights off at 8.00. If he was eating at 8.00 he would be going to bed far too late in my opinion. So YANBU

eyebrowsonfleek · 25/09/2017 21:32

I think that 8pm is too late on a school night. I’d say that the average 10 yo will be going to bed at 9pm so cooking at 8pm, serving food at 8:30pm doesn’t leave much time for shower/teeth/eating/reading etc before bed.

Was his Dad looking after him from after school onwards? My kids are so hungry after school that they’d eat me. On school days they eat a snack at 4pm then dinner at 6pm which is typical based on other families’ routines when they go on play dates.

eyebrowsonfleek · 25/09/2017 21:33

I know that some activities end at 8pm/9pm but those kids had something to eat after school right?

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