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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you leave outside, outside

53 replies

RoderickRules · 24/09/2017 19:13

Car crash over the road today, DP leaps up and looks out of the window, shouts 'crash', and stood at the window looking out.

There were at least 7/8 people on the scene, on mobile phones, neighbours (from opposite side of the street where crash was) out in the street, attending to situation.

DP hurries out, and generally gets in the middle of what's happening, moving driver from car and into recovery position/takes over.
Ends up liasing with ambulance/police etc.

AIBU to think it's none of our business, the situation was being attended to, and we should leave outside, outside.

Felt like extreme rubbernecking to me, but I am prepared to be told IABU.

OP posts:

becotide · 24/09/2017 20:06

You sound very self centred

SlothMama · 24/09/2017 20:09

YABU I would have gone and helped, it's not being nosey it's wanting to help others

mumonashoestring · 24/09/2017 20:11

@Celticlassie no, you only move someone if they need CPR or are in immediate danger of further injury (car on fire, been thrown into a live lane on the motorway), if they're just unconscious there are usually ways to protect their airway without moving them.

I've seen so many people mishandle situations or panic that I would always stop/go out to check that everyone was okay. Just because there are some people there doesn't mean everything's okay.

Original poster

RoderickRules · 24/09/2017 20:21

As I said in OP, neighbours next to the smash were in attendance, sitting on the pavement by the car, talking to the injured driver.

He went out and (IMO) took over, when situation was in hand.
Moved driver from the car to recovery position.

Emergency services on the scene after 5-10 minutes.

I felt sorry for the driver. Thought it was undignified at least be pulled from the car onto the street (on to blanket), and potentially dangerous.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 24/09/2017 20:22

You don't move anyone unless they obviously need cpr or the cars about to catch fire.

I witnessed a accident a couple year ago (lady rolled a car), the over witnesses were just stood there in shock so I climbed down to the car and sat with the lady until the ambulance arrived, she was conscious so I tried to keep her calm and told her not to move. It took a good ten minutes for any of the other people stood by the road to offer any help.

I think I would always offer my help at the scene of an accident unless emergency services were on the scene.

Redglitter · 24/09/2017 20:23

Id rather be dragged and put on the ground undignified or not than be in my car when it caught fire.

GwenStaceyRocks · 24/09/2017 20:26

The thing is, unless you go outside, you don't know if any of those people are first-aiders or medical professionals. The only way you can tell if you're the most qualified person around is to go out, chat to the others and offer your services.
We were at an event as a family recently and there was an incident where someone was injured. My DB and DNeice both went to help because one is a nurse and the other is a police officer. Lots of bystanders panic, having someone calm with relevant experience can be a massive help.

Ttbb · 24/09/2017 20:27

It depends on whether you have anything to contribute. Your DH clearly did. At the very least you should check to make sure that everything is in hand.

EverythingWillBeGreat · 24/09/2017 20:30

Well it seems that those people had no clue as to what to do butbthat your DH did.
He liaised wth the ambulance/police.

It is also totally possible that, as the bonnet had smoke coming out of it, it's the emergency services who told him to help to person get out (risk of fire spreading to whole car).

As a first aider, i would go and help BECAUSE few people are actually first aiders, let alone have any idea of what to do.

I have to wonder what is this mentality of avoiding being involved at all cost I have to say.

PuppyMonkey · 24/09/2017 20:30

If he is a trained first aider, he presumably went out to check if anybody needed first aid?

There might well have been 20 people at the scene but if somebody needed urgent first aid until the ambulance arrived, what the heck use are they?

We don't know the exact situation so can't say if he was wrong to move the patient from the car - smoking engine doesn't sound ideal in terms of safety.

Silvercatowner · 24/09/2017 20:30

Unless it is absolutely necessary the casualty should be treated where they are. Moving a casualty who has an unstable neck or back injury can exacerbate the injury hugely.

EverythingWillBeGreat · 24/09/2017 20:33

I also notice that your main feeling is that your DH is just a busy body who took that accident as an opportunity to show how efficient it would be etc...

If I was your DH, I would be quite upset at that TBH. So if I had tried to do my best for the person who was injured.
And had followed the advice of emergency services (which I'm sure he did).

As for the driver and for it to be 'undignified'. I'd rather have people see my knickers than burn in a car TBH

Silverthorn · 24/09/2017 20:34

I thought this was going to be about wearing outdoor shoes in the house, again.
What an antisocial mindset you have OP and a strange turn of phrase.

BluePheasant · 24/09/2017 20:34

It sounds like he was quite helpful tbh. Yes there were other people there but maybe they weren't being very effective at giving directions to ambulance etc and were happy to let someone more confident take over.

NotAgainYoda · 24/09/2017 20:35

Sounds like you have ishoos with your DP

Did he make things worse? What did the ambulance crew say?

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 24/09/2017 20:40

I once removed a driver from a car after a crash because they were not breathing, turning very blue and clearly going to die unless their airway was cleared.

I was at least the 4th person to stop (car was blocking country road) but none of the others had thought to check if the driver of the car was breathing.

ShellyBoobs · 24/09/2017 20:42

Is your DH a paramedic? A doctor? A nurse? Does he have even a basic first aid qualification? Thought not...

Why add the 'thought not...' without giving the OP a chance to answer?

Turns out you were wrong, which just makes the post sound even more snippy that it was in the first place.

Migraleve · 24/09/2017 20:42

He went to help people in the aftermath of an accident. I a, baffled to work out why, in any way, you think that's a negative.

phoenix1973 · 24/09/2017 20:48

I wish there were more people like him.
Rather than the twats who stand there filming it on their mobiles but do NOTHING.

Original poster

RoderickRules · 24/09/2017 20:49

I don't know what the ambulance crew said as I was indoors.

Everythingwillbegreat you are right, I do view the scenario as him being a busybody.

I can accept that I'm not always right, and the weight of opinion seems to be that in this instance I have misjudged the situation.

OP posts:

AllToadsLeadToHome · 24/09/2017 21:12

Similar situation for us a while back, heard a crash as were about to get ready for bed. By the time we got outside there people already there, so we checked they could manage and went back in.

Next time there was a crash it was different and the car was on our drive, drunken driver who made off... Police called, found him and he was most put out the next day when he returned and found they had taken his car.

Boulshired · 24/09/2017 21:25

A smoking car is very difficult to judge, if you wait till the first signs of flames then it’s too late to remove casualty without risking your own safety, but equally removing casualty can do serious harm to find out the car was just overheating. It is a judgement call that you probably have to be there to know which is right.

EverythingWillBeGreat · 24/09/2017 21:29

Which is why, as a first aider with no experience of that sort of cases, I would have asked the emergency services on the phone and follow their lead.

I'm sure they would have been able to tell what is the 'right' way of doing things.

nocake · 24/09/2017 21:33

Unless you go out and ask you don't know if there's anything you can do to help. I was once running past an accident, where a cyclist had been knocked off his bike. There were people there but none of them were a first aider and they were doing nothing to help, which I wouldn't have found out unless I'd gone over to find out. I was able to actually help the cyclist.

I say well done to your DH for getting involved.

RebelRogue · 24/09/2017 21:56

I don't know what the ambulance crew said as I was indoors.

Exactly. You were indoors,leaving the outside,outside not giving a shit and silently judging and making assumptions about your DH.

Whatever is going on in your relationship, it's not good.

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