Too late now, but would be interested in what you would have done ...

[Miaou]

dd1 is 9 (nearly 10) and I have a real problem getting her to have a bath and wash her hair. This morning I said to her that she had to wash it today, and gave her the choice of doing it this morning or this evening. She said "I'll do it tonight" (typical putting it off behaviour!). I pointed out that in that case she would miss some of The Simpsons, and she still said she would do it tonight. We agreed that she needed to be in the bath by 7.30pm so that she has a chance to go to bed with dry hair then (we don't have a hairdryer).

Anyway, fast forward to 7.30 and of course the reality has hit - she went to the bathroom door and burst into tears . She then said "I am going to do it mummy, but I really should have done it this morning." I do feel sorry for her, she hasn't made a fuss, but she is genuinely upset. I did waver for a minute - it is the holiday, she could do it later on - but tbh I feel that it will be a good and memorable lesson which I can remind her of in the future.

She is now in the bath so I'm not going to change my mind! But I do wonder if the court of mumsnet thinks I'm being a bit hard on her ...

No - I agree that it is a good lesson in making a choice and considering the outcomes of the options. You can always refer back to this in the furture to help her make the sensible choice.

sorry, dont understand, why is she so upset?

I don't think you are being harsh - she did agree to do it tonight. I think I would try to find a way to reward her for having the bath and doing something she really didn't want to do. Perhaps make her a nice hot chocolate or something for being good.
Incidentally, have you asked her why she hates bathing so much?

YOu did the right thing. You gave her a choice this morning, and told her the implications of leaving it until tonight, and you told her what timne she had to do it. She realises that this morning would have been a better choice for her, and she acknowledges this. She is doing what you agreed although she is upset. I think it is excellent that she is doing what you negotioated without a fuss, even though it is making her sad - I am not pleased that she is sad, rather that is still being obedient anyway. If ou had backed down, she would not have learnt that putting things off is not neccessarily the best idea.

agree with PLibble, I would make a fuss fof her for doing the right thing

nope, she made her choice and now she is doing it- where is the problem?
i know she is upset, but hopefully next time it will be easier.
as you know by now-things get learnt and remembered by increments and repetition.
I think you have done well, nexst time she willdo it in the morning- i think

You did the right thing.

can you help her towel dry her hair really well and plait it before bed?

no. you did the right thing. parents who constantly backtrack end up with bratty kids.

You were right.

God no, you had no option but to follow through the agreement here Miaou - I'd have done the same thing.

I feel hideous when I don't let ds3 have ice cream or whatever when friends are round, because I made it quite clear that tea must be eaten beforehand - he is only 2.5 but he knows what I'm saying! You have to follow through though, you have to.

Sillymillysmummy - she is upset because by doing it now she is missing the Simpsons which she really enjoys.

Plibble, it's just a phase she is going through! She is totally unbothered by appearance or fashion and I think a big part of it is that time spent washing is time she would rather spend doing something (anything!) else. I haven't pushed it with her really, though I do put my foot down occasionally.

Good idea about the treat afterwards - I am so pleased with her for not even questioning that it needed to be done - she totally accepts that the situation is entirely of her own making. No hot chocolate but a glass of milk, a biscuit and a cuddle and lots of praise will go down well.

Thanks for the feedback, it's good to get some impartial opinions!

Message withdrawn

LOL Dior!!

oh i see - you defo did the right thing

definitely right. My ds missed out on an ice-cream today for being a brat. He had a warning, two actually, then I stuck to my threat of no ice-cream despite the tears and tantrum (he is 5). Now he is in bed and knows that tomorrow, he can have the ice-cream if he plays the game

my dd is 10 and we have exactly the same sort of problems, exacerbated by me working full time and rarely being at home.
you werent being too hard on her, I would have insisted on the same thing.

I despair at my children's attitude towards soap and water sometimes, but I suppose in a few years time they will be teenagers and the bathroom will never be free lol it will be a nice change.

I take heart from frogs, nightynight - her dd1 has been through this phase and has come out the other side relatively unscathed

She is out of the bath now - I towel-dried and brushed her hair for her, gave her a big cuddle and told her how well she had handled it (I didn't mention the tears!), and she is now having milk and biscuits