To have another baby after severe PND?

[FairyHedgehogg]

I had always planned to have at least a couple of DC, but suffered severe PND after the birth of DD and now worry if it would be fair to have more? DD has just turned one and there's no great rush, but I'd like to get some opinions and see if anyone has direct experience?

Within a week of DD's birth I had completely crashed emotionally, and took increasingly desperate measures to 'escape' my situation. Luckily I got the psychiatric treatment I needed (hospitalised for about six weeks in a mother and baby unit) and am now at pre-pregnancy level of wellbeing (on ADs for the long haul but basically ok).

I really worry that if I had another newborn I would go into meltdown again. I love DD to bits now but found the newborn stage full of intense unbearable anxiety. I think I would spend the whole pregnancy worried about whether I would crash again after the birth, and worried about the impact on everyone around me - DP, my mum and especially DD.

Anyone else been through this or have any advice?

Do you still have a medical team involved? I would speak to them and see if they can provide support throughout the pregnancy

I had such bad PND that I can't even think about having a second child. He's nearly seven now and I still get symptoms.

So thinking about it is a good sign compared to me !

That is a very difficult decision for you to make.

You’ll at least be prepared this time so if your mental health does suffer you’ll be able to understand what’s happening much earlier and get help before it gets so bad.

I think i would be concerned about dd. Your first responsibility is to her, not to any potential further children. Sadly mental health services arent always great so you may be as ill again. I personally wouldnt risk it but it depends how much you want more children. Its a cost/benefits decision that only you and dh can make.

Following as I'm in the same situation. Really severe PND and anxiety - I should have been hospitalised. DC is now 14m and I don't want him to be an only child but I'm horrified at the idea of having another one. Don't feel I could cope.

I have a friend who suffered with PND with DC1, she had a very rough time. She went on to gave a second child, the difference the second time was that she recognised her symptoms and sought help a lot quicker. This meant it wasn't so bad.

Also, her husband and I were better able to support her, knowing her symptoms from the first time round.

What do your dp and mum think?

I had fairly severe PND or what we call PPD in Canada where I am with my first. It was horrible! I didn’t get hospitalized but did have on going counselling every week and then every other week for the first while. It may have been a couple times a week to start. My oldest is 11 so it was quite a while ago!

I went on to have a second knowing I had everything in place should I have it again. My dr was aware, I started counseling Andalusia program we have called Reproductive Mental Health, deals with PND and anything regarding femal mental health regarding female issues:). I started this early on in my pregnancy.

The second time around is so much easier in many aspects. Your body and therefore hormones et al know what to do, as a person your are more experienced with a newborn as it’s your second so less anxiety and less stress.

I did struggle a bit, but no where near in comparison to when I had my oldest. It absolutely helped having the mental health support ongoing through my pregnancy setting me up for a positive after birth mentally. I think it ended up being more the adjustment of being a mom of two under two! Lol. Mine ended up being 21 mths a oart😁 I didn’t get diagnosed with PND again. Things got better organization wise etc in the house. My son, who I forgot to mention, outgrew his reflux, colicky stage and life was so much better!

Sirzy- I have been discharged back to the GP now but the psychiatrist from community mental health has put a note on file that I should be referred back to them if I decide to get pregnant again. So there would hopefully be specialist support in place. When I discussed this with the psychiatrist before discharge he was positive that a future pregnancy and birth could be managed and he wasn't discouraging about the idea.

I am taking the advice of as many professionals as possible but also wanted to get the MN opinion (and the benefit of other's experience)

My main concern would be if you have to go back to a mother and baby unit how would that impact your dd. And your relationship with her?

Also what about dps work if he is looking after dd alone. How are finances? Can he afford to take months off work? Would your mum be happy stepping in doing the main bulk of childcare if he cant take the time off? Or can she?

Your dd wont be damaged by being an only child.

No one has a crystal ball and there is no wrong or right decision. You dont know what will happen. Its very difficult.

BarbarianMum - my DP is amazing, he would like more children ideally but says he will support whatever decision I make.

My mum is a different kettle of fish (too many issues between us for one post...) She could not understand my PND at all and helpfully said I 'should have bonded instantly' with DD She tends to express emotional upset through physical illness IYSWIM and if I got pregnant again I am worried it would exacerbate her angina and IBS

I had horrific depression/anxiety while pregnant with DD, not exactly the same as you because I was fine after the birth but it still meant I was petrified about going back and having a second. I absolutely did not want to go through that again. But I wanted a second child.

I now have a 3 month old DS. I put a lot of things in place to try and make sure it would be different the second time around (and I was still convinced it would be bad). I got private health cover so my care was very personalised and thorough and I was closely monitored, while still having a lot of control. I saw a psychologist for frequent monitoring. I knew the medication had helped last time and that was there for me as an option. I confided in a small group of close friends and they, along with family and DH, knew what symptoms to look for so we could address them quickly.

It was a huge relief that the second time around was a lot easier. I wouldn't say I was...happy? Normal? But I wasn't nearly as bad as the first time. The situation was just so different - not just because of everything I listed above, but because I'd already gone through the process and become a mother once before. So everything was familiar, less scary, less triggering second time around.

There's no guarantee it will be that way for you but I think your previous experience will hopefully help you be more prepared if you do decide to go back for a second.

Canuck and PressPaws - thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It's good to hear that things can be ok the second time round if you get the right support in place.

I had awful PND with both but now 11 years later would not change a thing. I'm so glad we had DD2 even though it was a struggle at the time.

I didn't go through this, but I was close with someone who had quite severe PND with her first child and went on to have a second. It was a bit of a disaster. The PND was even worse the second time around and led to a number of life-changing consequences. However, she was almost totally unwilling to acknowledge her issues and also had family members who were complicit in her denial, which meant that she went far longer than she should have without having appropriate treatment and support. You sound very aware of the risks and very willing to engage with medical professionals. You can't control whether or not you develop PND, but you can control the way you deal with it. It sounds like you have quite a good support network, and with their help it may be that the experience is totally different the second time around.

I won't be having another, my (undiagnosed until it was over) pnd is a huge part of that. I couldn't do it again, and I have DS to consider now, I couldn't do it to him again.

I wouldn't as your responsibility lies with current DC. Mental health services are hit and miss and you might not be given a bed on mother and baby unit again and you may not recover the same but you need to speak to the team and see what they think. Could you consider adoption/surrogacy if you really do want more DC

i think you need to go in with your eyes open. I would ask for referral now to mental health team and check there's still the provision in place if you have to be admitted again and how they would manage a pregnancy. This time round you might have to go into u it solo and dh look after the baby?

Is dh able to take extended time off work to support you and look after dc. Weigh up all the pros and cons and decide what's best for your family.

I had severe (hospitalised) PND after ds was born and it's one reason why he is an only child. I don't think it would be fair for him if I had another breakdown - I've had to go in for inpatient treatment several times since then and I felt so guilty for being away from him. MH services have cut back a lot in my area so if I had to be hospitalised again, I would have to leave the area. DH has also been seriously ill in the past few months, so that's made me realise that I can't always depend on him even though he's very willing (but just not able right now - and it's something that was diagnosed very suddenly). You really need to make sure you have a failsafe support network, and reliable services in your area (or enough money to go private).