Would you rather your 19 year old out socialising with friends or in playing games!?

[driker]

DD is 19 and still lives at home as she is doing a 3rd year for her A-Levels due to a mistake on her subject choice in first year.

Anyway, she works hard on them and have no issues with her studies, etc.

She has friends at college and messages them quite a bit, but doesn't go on nights out with them, etc.

She prefers to be at home playing video games she clearly knows it's not particularly 'normal' as she admits she wouldn't like her friends to know.

DH says he'd much rather her be in safe that our getting pissed and being vulnerable. I do disagree a bit. Surely going out with your mates is part of growing up?

What would you rather???

Out definitely or at least a mixture of the two

Realistically at 19 she still has time. Don't pressurize her just be encouraging other achievements

Of her achievements!!

why is it not normal? I know loads of perfectly well functioning adults who play computer games

"Knows it's not particularly normal"

Er, what? It's very normal.

Out definitely. My son is the same unfortunately, although he doesn't make an effort with his studies either

I'm not saying video games are not normal. However, to not go out with your friends because you want to play doesn't seem normal amongst her age group.

Since she's happier staying in playing computer games then that would make me happiest. If she were going out because she felt forced into it then I wouldn't be happy.

Going out with your mates isn't the way everyone approaches life and that shouldn't be a problem.

I suppose if it's disproportionate to other activities she does than yes I'd be a bit concerned. Some people don't like clubbing and bars though, but unless she's also into something else I'd be encouraging other more active hobbies so she gets a bit of exercise or fresh air.

At 19 I think she can decide for herself so it doesn't really what you think tbh

If video games are her thing why shouldn't she stay in and enjoy that, why isn't it normal

Out socialising, hands down. But then I have 19 and 20 year olds who in my opinion go too far to the other extreme. If they were always getting drunk and it had led to fights or inadvisable sex, maybe I'd be longing for them to stay in and play games.

She's an adult. What she does with her spare time is up to her. It sounds like she's getting on with what she needs to, so what does it matter how she spends her own time? Not everyone's idea of fun is going out.

She does have piano lessons but that's about it and does practise but that's also a lonely instrument.

She gets fresh air from college but no exercise really!

I know a lot of grown women into video games (I can be one of them) but some of them can be addicted to it too. Anyway, some people are introverts and I think I would just let her be now she is grown and make her own decisions

My DS1 was a bit like this. Never really went out socialising, other than into town during the day for lunch.

Well, he's just gone to uni, and shall we say, he's found his mojo. He's found friends he's comfortable with, and he's been to an indie night, the pub, a house party, a poetry slam, a drama workshop and god knows what else - all since Saturday!

He's having the best time - so don't write your daughter's social life off yet. She maybe just needs to find her tribe.

I don't think it's the best use of time, especially for prolonged periods but obviously at 19 she can do whatever she wants.

Not everyone likes nights out clubbing, I hated it then, I hate it now a few years later.

Leave your DD be.

However, to not go out with your friends because you want to play doesn't seem normal amongst her age group

I'm 30. I'd rather be indoors watching tv, playing games, reading etc. In my early twenties (at university) I did spend a couple of years going out a lot, but quite frankly I found it had an effect on how much work I put in elsewhere. I do go out an socialise these days but not on a large level (mostly child related). Some people don't have the 'brain space' for group activities, it's fine once in a while but not a regular thing.

If this actually is what makes her happy then fine, each to their own. I'm an introvert myself so I enjoy some solitary interests.

However, I'd possibly be a little concerned if she really doesn't socialise at all because I know that in my late teens/early 20s I avoided nights out and group activities because of anxiety and depression.

Your daughter sounds just like me when I was her age. I was always on the computer or PlayStation and my parents were never fussed. If she has friends and is studying hard, you have nothing to worry about. Tell her not to be embarrassed about playing them though, it's really not weird for girls to play video games anymore. It was a completely different story when I was growing up 😔

Not normal to who?
She's studying, she's happy so who cares?

There are two reasons to worry:

if you think she is depressed

if you think her playing is turning into an addiction.

But worrying because she does not fulfil the norm for her age group- nah. Otoh I didn't particularly worry when my 19yo (who also lived at home) did go out clubbing either. Perhaps it helped that she had finished her A-levels and had a fulltime job, but I thought of her as another adult living in our house, not as a vulnerable child. Certainly a lot more streetwise than I was at her age.

I'd rather they turn out comfortable in their skin and not pressured into some sort of "normal" by what they think they should be doing