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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude?

52 replies

Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 13:04

I've just finished putting together a present for a family member (let's call them A). I was asked to put together the present by B and C, who didn't want to get involved in preparing the present but asked me to do so.

I've just met up with B, who needed to add something to the present. I've worked really hard on the present, and their first comment when they saw it was that 'it looks shit'.

I also met up with B right next to their work, at their request, and at a time that suited them.

AIBU to think that this is quite rude and unfair of them to say? Even if B thinks the present is shit, would it not be kinder for them to keep that thought to themselves?

OP posts:
TalkinBoutNuthin · 22/09/2017 14:39

I'm guessing a photo montage of an event.

Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 14:50

It's a memory book made after an event.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 22/09/2017 15:07

It's a tricky thing to do, especially if she was expecting a professional standard that you might see online. Honestly, leave her name off. Ungrateful madam. She can do her own thing.

PovertyJetset · 22/09/2017 15:08

Did you get a photo book made or did you scrap book it by hand?

Either was B is rude.

However if looks very bad, maybe consider a do over

PovertyJetset · 22/09/2017 15:09

Either way

I agree tell her she needn't put her name on it!

Ellisandra · 22/09/2017 15:14

If they haven't put time or money into it, I'm not sure how it is "from" them.

Send it just from you, giving B fair warning she'd better find time to get on interflora if she wants to send a gift Hmm

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2017 15:17

Of course it's rude. However there is another side, which is, well does it look shit? If deep down you know it is, then maybe consider doing it again, book some time in to all do it together, or if it doesn't and she's just being rude, then tell her to sod off and don't put her name to it.

Needalifeoverhaul · 22/09/2017 15:31

I'd tell her you think she's shit in reply but obviously is now too late...all I can say OP is she sounds like someone you should have as little to do with as possible. Thank god your relative has someone as thoughtful as you in their life rather than the can't be bothered, rude, nasty B only! Flowers

Nousernameforme · 22/09/2017 15:35

Can we not get a picture?

Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 16:08

It's a bit of an unusual and tricky situation.

Three of us (me, as well as B and C) were asked by person A to organise a wedding-related event for them.

C wasn't available before the event, as she works abroad, was also getting ready to move to a new job in a different country and was also on holiday right before the event. Her holiday had been pre-booked long before she had been asked to organise the event. Definitely fair enough. She did do what she could, and was very helpful and lovely at points when she did have some free time to prepare things for the event.

B had really important exams right before the event. As she was really busy preparing for them, she asked not to be involved with the preparation for the event. Again, that is absolutely fair enough.

And B did promise that she would work at the event itself as well as helping out with anything that needed doing after the event, to give me a rest.

Anyway, before the event, C had bought a memory book so A could remember the event by.

B had promised that I could work on the book with her after the event when she had time, and that we could prepare it together.

However, straight after the event had finished, B said that she had no time at all to work on the book and could not see a time when she would be free to work on the book.

B also told me that, as she works full-time and I only worked part-time, I should get the book sorted. And now she tells me it looks shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 16:09

Nouser I'd rather not post a picture if that's okay, as it's really identifying (the book has lots of photos and messages in it, and a personalised front cover, so not very anonymous).

OP posts:
Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 16:15

Poverty I made it by hand.

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 22/09/2017 16:19

Sorry didnt see it was a memory thing

Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 16:19

I wonder if maybe B didn't want to get involved in putting together the memory book in case it didn't end up looking how she'd imagined it. She knew that I would carry on putting together the book anyway if she didn't help out, which gave her free rein to criticise it and say how rubbish it looked and then laugh with A in private about how shit it all is.

I'm so pissed off. I've spent so much money and effort on the bloody book and on the event too 🙄 And A and B are really close relatives. Feel like a mug. Should say I get on much better with A than B.

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 22/09/2017 16:19

Sorry didnt see it was a memory thing

Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 16:59

I just find it really disrespectful. B is often like that to another family member, and it's so bloody rude (for instance, the other family member will do something nice for B or prepare a meal for them, and B will tell family member it looks disgusting or something along those lines).

B is actually extremely generous and can be very kind and thoughtful, but they're also a bit self-centred and tends to want to do everything on their own terms.

So, for example, B will refuse to get involved in something but then complain about it or insult the person who took responsibility for completing or doing the thing.

I don't think B does it on purpose - I think they do it possibly just because they think it won't hurt me, because I'm close family, but that doesn't make it okay and it really does hurt me.

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 22/09/2017 17:05

She sounds like a nightmare and I would have no qualms at telling her that she's been a twat!

RhiWrites · 22/09/2017 17:25

B is not kind. B is mean.

I bet it doesn't look shit at all and that when you give it to A and they love it, B will claim the credit.

Don't post it here but show it to a nice friend in real life and I bet they'll tell you how brilliant it is.

B is horrible, no more doing all the work for their ideas.

Branleuse · 22/09/2017 17:40

B is an arsehole

RiotAndAlarum · 22/09/2017 17:42

I hope B has run out of favours now, if that's the way she receives them. Hmm

Redsippycup · 22/09/2017 17:53

So A got married, C bought the blank book, you did the creative things with the book.

And B did.... What exactly? Except behave like a twat and be mean to you whilst avoiding all the work?

Definitely don't put B's name on the gift, you may aswell put mine on, I've had as much to do with making it!

Witchend · 22/09/2017 17:56
Blush I'd just like to say that Paris was not the photographer or family member in my story. It wasn't a wedding.
Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 22:42

Thanks everyone Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 22:43

Just gave the memory book to C earlier this evening - hoping she liked it! She sounded like she liked it at least - hoping that's a good sign!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pariswhenitdrizzles · 22/09/2017 22:46

Ah whoops sorry I meant I gave the book to A Blush

OP posts: