To be upset for my DD that she doesn't get invited to children's parties?

[Mittens1969]

Just that, really. DD1 (8) thinks she has friends then they don't invite her to their parties or to play dates. It's made harder because DD2 (5) is extremely popular and is invited to lots of parties.

It's not that she isn't invited to any parties. But they're ones where DD2 is also invited, for example our NDN has invited them both to her DD's party, as they play together regularly. They also used to be invited to their cousins' parties, and to sleepovers but they have moved far away so that obviously doesn't happen now.

I do understand it on one level, as DD1 is hard work, as she doesn't relate to other children all that well, having Attachment Disorder.. She has much less social awareness than her 5 year old sister and thinks children in her class are her friends because she chases after them and gets over excited.

She does have one best friend who has invited her, but we've known the family for some years, having used the same nursery and we've always exchanged party invitations.

I'd be interested to hear from people who have faced this and what they've done to try and help their DCs with this? I have tried arranging play dates but it hasn't come to anything sadly. The child in question has complained about DD1 following her around. They have come to her parties, but that's as far as it's gone.

My sympathies - my DS2 is 9 and rarely gets an invite to a party. He's SEN and has medical issues.
Thankfully there's a couple of parents whose sons really like my boy and invite him. This year one then bravely had him over for a sleepover.
Some days I feel so sad about it. Other days I don't give a fuck. Other days I am just happy regressions parents who do invite him.
DS1 seemed to be at parties every weekend so trying to see the bright side that I'm not dashing about soft play/football pitches/swimming pools and laser quest all weekend.

But feel your pain and worries for their future years.

What doesn't help is the fact that DD1 has always been jealous of DD2 and feels hard done by. So this adds fuel to those feelings of inferiority. Thank you to all of you for your suggestions.

Update: DD1's teacher called me this afternoon. They've been operating a buddy system for her this term. When DD1 has difficulty finding someone to play with, they ask for a volunteer to play with her, and there's always a number of volunteers. So they are looking out for her and she's actually well liked. It really helped me to know that.

That's really good to hear!

Great that the school are looking out for her. It's so hard isn't it. Everyone has different challenges I guess! I would keep on with various extra curricula activities. It sounds like that is working well to broaden her circles and confidence. X

We have this with DSD and DSS.
DSS gets loads of party invitations but DSD never gets one.
Agree with turning it into a special time, where she gets to pick from a choice of activities.

Also, does she get to host a party? I find there’s a fair bit of reciprocation and it’s also a good way for parents to get to know each other.
DSD mum won’t organise a party and I keep asking DP if I can but he is worried it’s stepping on DSD mum’s toes (she’s much wealthier than we are, so it’s not money that’s the issue)

Her varied activities sound great though, you’re doing brilliantly
Also agree with those who have said that being socially awkward at primary can become less of a problem at secondary as you are more likely to find a group of likeminded friends.

It is heartbreaking. I totally understand what you are going through. I really wish other parents would be abbot more thoughtful too.

My DS is 10 yrs old and he probably only goes to 2 or 3 parties per yr max. It's heart breaking. He has no real friends at school. Yet if you all met him you would honestly adore him.
He is so kind and thoughtful but not a run with the pack boy. He is at a local prep school which goes up to yr 8 . I have no idea where to send him next.

He needs a lovely small, private , gentle cones school- any suggestions???

@Ojoj1974, yes it's really hard. There are girls in the class who like DD1, but she's just not part of a social group. She has one good friend at school and one good friend at Brownies. I've been thinking that a cinema trip would be something she'd enjoy all the more if she had a friend with her.

2/3 parties a year, yes it's the same for her. Like your DS, DD1 is very sweet natured, and I agree, I wish other parents would encourage their children not to just invite their best friends but to think outside the box.

@NeverTwerkNaked, yes we do birthday parties for all our DDs' birthdays and they've always been a great success. She had a ten pin bowling party for her last birthday.

My kids are the same age and dd (5) seems to have parties every few weeks. Ds (8) is socially awkward and has them once in a blue moon. I've explained it to him that at dd's age they just all do whole class parties and that's why she gets so many invites. I sometimes feel sad for him tho :/

@GirlInterruptedOftenByKids, yes I have said that to DD1 as well and so has DH. But actually DD1 was invited to 4 parties in reception and 3 in year 1, whereas DD2 was invited to 13 parties for school friends in reception. So there's a very big difference and it just adds to her feelings of jealousy towards her little sister. And I then feel so sad for her, as you clearly do for your DS.

@MiaowTheCat, that must have been so difficult. Thankfully it hasn't come to that with DD1. The worst thing has been girls she thought of as friends complaining that she follows them around (I've heard DD2 saying that about her friends so I don't blame them, kids being kids of course), and not inviting her to their house or to parties.

I don't think the school would have done this if it had not been for our SW supporting us (child in need plan still).

I'm sorry you had to change your DD's school, but I'm glad that things are so much better for her at the new school.

@mittens ds missed a large chunk of reception because we moved house/borough/school so he knows his reception experience wasn't normal. The galling thing is that he's so much better behaved than dd who, quite frankly, doesn't deserve all these fun things. He enjoys having x box time with Dh though so having her out of the house works well for him. It's me that's raging at the unfairness!

But of course it's the lively children who tend to make friends more easily. DD2 is very vivacious and has a very infectious laugh. But she's not particularly naughty, though she definitely has her moments.