School calling my Ds4 a liar

[FrechieDoggymummy]

I'll try to keep it short, I just want other opinions on whether this is the norm is primary schools.
So my ds4 started school two weeks ago, all is great. On Tuesday he was poorly all day with stomach ache, he was getting really upset with it so I kept him off and phoned the school to say he had an upset tummy (probably not the most accurate description I know). It turned out he was just constipated, and after finally going to the toilet he was fine so I sent him into school the next day as usual.

School phoned me at 9am to ask why he was in school as sickness requires a 48 hour exclusion period. I explained that he wasn't sick and what had happened, she then told me to wait and put me on hold for 5 minutes, came back and said OK as long as he definitely hasn't been sick, which was fine.

I pick ds up from school and he is upset as the office lady told him that he was lying. When I'd asked him what he meant he told me that she'd gone to his classroom and asked him if he was sick yesterday, he said no. She then said to him that his mummy was on the phone and I said he had been sick so was he lying! He obviously maintained the fact that he hadn't been sick which is when she will habe returned to the office to my phone call. He saod he had to put his coat on to go home but then they let him stay.

I'm really mad that they would go into his class and question him like that, especially as I'm his mother and I was on the phone telling them what happened! I totally understand the need to keep illness limited within a school but surely this is ridiculous?!

So is it unreasonable of me to complain to the head about this or is it just one of those things?

P.s sorry long post, I haven't posted beffort and wanted all the info there!

It's a breakdown of communication and some confusion over the interpretation of the word sick.

Ridiculous reaction and fuss from most posters imo.

I do appreciate my initial wording to them was bad, however I still don't feel that after they spoke to me they should have gone to his class and told him I was on the phone and said he has, it's clear trying to trick him!

I would ask to speak to the teacher at the end of the day. Approach it as wanting to know what happened as dd was upset and confused thinking he had done something wrong. It may have felt different to him than it was intended ( or the receptionist may have been out of order). You can then decide what to do next.

I have phoned nursery/ school before and said dd has had an upset tummy./stomach ache . We were not using them by then but a history of having to use moovicol . Also when dd gets a cold it seems to go down on her stomach so feels unsettled to her. I have before now kept her off incase ( particularly when she had also been up in the night coughing ), but then been fine by the next day with no sickness so only one day off .

We have to send them back in with a note so that is where I would put the extra information about how she ended up being/ had not been sick.

Personally I would be furious that the school receptionist left you on hold while she went to question your four year old son to make sure your stories matched!!! I'd your word as his mother and an adult not good enough?
He DID have an upset tummy. If the school has been burned by parents bringing their children back to school before the 48 HR period has passed ( which does happen, drives me mad but that's for another thread) then the person who took the call should have asked you for further clarification and specifically said " has your son been sick or had the runs" can't spell the d word so that they knew.
I would personally ask to see the headmaster as I think this is awful. No administrator from the school should be waltzing into a class and disturbing it to question a four year old child. What will they be doing by the time he's 10?? Putting him on the rack or trying out thumbscrews to get him to own up to vominting????

Am I understanding correctly that you were on the phone explaining thay he was constipated rather than genuinely ill, and that the office lady put you on hold to check with your DS who also maintained he had not been ill. And that she then accused him of lying because you were on the phone in the other room saying he HAD been ill? Like some kind of attempt to catch him out even though that wasn't what you were saying?

If so that's gaslighting and bullying.

Next time tell the truth.

The OP did tell the truth. She said an upset tummy. That is clearly open to interpretation but some people have assumed that definitely means D & V, actually it could also include constipation, heartburn, nausea etc. It is a blanket term so it covered the DS's situation perfectly. You were not lying OP and nor was your son, I think you should ask the person involved exactly what happened and see what their explanation is.

I think your son sounds unsettled by it and you are clearly concerned that the administrator lied to your child and tried to trick him. I don't think you will feel comfortable until you have spoken to someone and explained how you see things. I think the class teacher is the best person in the first instance and if you aren't happy with the response, go to the head

If you speak to the ,head, they weren't there so they will not say much but will speak to the class teacher and the administrator to get their side / version of events and possibly you son.

I'd go into the office and get it clarified.
Say your ds is upset because he said someone went into class and told him to put his coat on and asked him if he'd been sick. Say he said he denied this but is under the impression he was being called a liar as I was on the phone to the school at the time.
The.mn ask them to confirm what had happened for the 5 minutes you were on hold.

Smile nicely at them when you say it. Don't have an accusational tone. I'm sure they'll say "don't always believe a 4yo" which you can reply that you don't that's why you're asking them.

Whatever happens or whatever they say happened they'll know they've been rumbled and that should put a stop to daft games.

If they mention you saying upset stomach agree it was badly worded but you'd confirmed what the issue was on the phone.

School secretary here and there's no way in hell I would ever question a child like that, definitely follow this up.

gaslighting and bullying

While I think the 'office lady' was out of order, schools do have to err on the side of caution. The definition of 'sick' varies, as others have said so perhaps in future you could be clearer. (My daughter once said she was 'sick' and her younger brother asked brightly 'in a bucket sick?' which has become the family way of differentiating between feeling/being sick)