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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is controlling behaviour?

13 replies

RubMyRhubarb · 21/09/2017 19:47

Right, I have a friend (yes it genuinely IS a friend and is not me) who has recently bought a house in the street I live on. Known her BF for years, his brother is my best mate. Known the whole family for years.

Her BF is renovating the house so I've spent more time with him than I usually would because I've been helping, lending tools and all that stuff. Anyway as I was leaving his (well actually her place as she's the one that's bought it) he wanted to get something from the car and noticed a fairly big bar of chocolate in the door pocket and started eating it. I joked about "oi don't nick a woman's chocolate!" and to my amazement he said he was eating it because she's put on weight and he doesn't want her to put on any more.

I was a bit shocked to say the least. It's not the only indication I've had but I'm trying to keep this short so people will actually read it.

He went on holiday last year (with his mate) which didn't go down overly well (and I can understand why) and he's now informed me he's going again this year. They don't have kids, she is a few years younger than him (5 years I think so nothing to get weird about) and she is a lovely person.

I don't want to ramble, and NO I do NOT have feelings for her before anyone goes in that direction. Is he a bit controlling?

OP posts:

DeadGood · 21/09/2017 19:50

Chocolate thing sounds bad.
Holiday thing needs more explanation.

MargaretTwatyer · 21/09/2017 19:52

Um, he made an unpleasant comment.

But she doesn't want him to go on holiday with his friends and will get cross about it.

And you're worrying about him being controlling? Riiiiight....

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 21/09/2017 19:52

Well the chocolate comments a bit shitty but I can imagine my BIL saying that and thinking it's a joke.

I don't understand the rest? Are you saying it's controlling of your friend to kick off about him going on holiday? Because yes, it really is.

It is in no way controlling to go on holiday with your friend.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2017 19:54

What's the problem with him going on holiday with his friends? Should he be chained to his girlfriend's radiator every day of his life? I also don't see anything wrong with him expressing that he hopes she doesn't gain more weight. What's wrong with that? I wouldn't want my husband packing on the pounds either.

Loopytiles · 21/09/2017 19:54

Eh?

Original poster

RubMyRhubarb · 21/09/2017 19:55

I can't explain the holiday thing in much more detail in case this gets seen by either of them (ok I know it's unlikely but still)

He's often saying things (in front of others) like "do you understand what you did wrong now?" over the most trivial of non incidents. I find it kinda patronising on her behalf if I'm honest.

The irony is she is far more qualified than he is and earns way more money than he does.

OP posts:

DeadGood · 21/09/2017 20:12

"He's often saying things (in front of others) like "do you understand what you did wrong now?" over the most trivial of non incidents. I find it kinda patronising on her behalf if I'm honest."

Why do people feel the need to add qualifiers like "kinda" and "if I'm honest" to statements that are clearly perfectly reasonable?

Of course that is not acceptable.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2017 20:14

So why, when you're alone with him, don't you call him out on his patronizing behaviour? Tell him that the way he speaks to her is NOT ok, and it makes him look like an insecure, controlling twat.

Original poster

RubMyRhubarb · 21/09/2017 20:17

Because I want to ask for opinions on whether I'm being unreasonable or not first. I see it as controlling, especially as she isn't even approaching overweight. Seems the opinion is split so far.

It's not even any of my business, well then again it is as she's my friend. I don't for a moment think he intends to be controlling, I'm confident he doesn't think he is. But I see it that way.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2017 20:34

If she really is your friend then stick up for her.

DeadGood · 21/09/2017 20:52

I don't think opinion is split. He sounds like a dick (based particularly the "do you see what you did wrong" thing). The holiday thing is a red herring though.

misshelena · 21/09/2017 21:10

Unless she's asked for you help, it's none of your business. Does she seem miserable to you? Maybe she likes how he takes charge and lets her play the "little woman". To each her own. Unless you see signs of distress, I would stay out of it.

0hCrepe · 21/09/2017 22:10

The holiday thing is irrelevant. He sounds like a twat on the other counts, one who will say anything to put others down to keep himself looking ok.

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