to think that DM is being unfair?

[winterwinter]

A couple of years ago my parents helped out me and DH HUGELY by gifting us a deposit for a house, made it clear that it was a gift, not a loan etc etc. We would most likely still be saving now if it weren't for this as house prices here are sky high.

Since then, every argument or disagreement I have with DM she seems to throw this back in my face as if she has some kind of control over me by helping us out financially, and will often call me ungrateful. We don't argue very often, but whenever we do and no matter what it is about, she will always bring this into it and call me "ungrateful" for disagreeing with her over a totally non-related point.

It is starting to really get me down and to be honest had I known that this would happen I would have much rather knuckled down saving for a few more years, but they insisted that they wanted to do it to help us and we should use our own savings for renovation etc.

I truly am grateful for what they have done as I know not everyone is so lucky, but I can't help but feel upset over this. AIBU?

No, not being unreasonable at all. Speak to her and tell her how you feel.

YANBU! I think you need to speak to her when there's a calm atmosphere and ask her if she thinks gifting you money gives her the right to hold it over you forever. I must say, once I started refusing the annual big cheque, I felt far more able to say no to my mother.

Thank you, yes I have started to do this now as I fear it being used against me!

Oh dear. The generous "gift" but with emotional strings attached. Your mother is wielding this over your head like a guillotine. I would definitely talk to her about it and tell her how totally unfair and unreasonable this is, and how you never would have accepted her "gift" of you knew it was going to be thrown in your face anytime the two of you have a disagreement. If she kicks off and gets defensive, which she probably will, then say you will be paying her back. And then do it. Give her some money every month and keep track. Don't allow yourself to be her emotional prisoner. That's just bullshit.

Do everything you possibly can to pay her back asap. You are going to be so beholden, especially as she ages and becomes more frail and demanding.