I'm not talking to my mother in law, I will respond to direct questions but I am not starting conversations or phoning or emailing (which I used to do).
My MIL has a history of mental health problems. She has never disclosed to family but I think she could be bi- polar. I know that she has for periods taken medication and for periods she does not.
When she takes medication she can be lovely but sometimes she has periods where she can be crazy and hurtful to family members (I expect that these are periods where she refrains from taking the meds but I'm not 100% sure).
We had an argument about 12 years ago, there was a huge family row and she was very rude to a close family member who she had invited for Christmas lunch (and with whom she has had a one-sided feud over decades). My DH was very upset about this, he has health problems that are aggravated by stress and I phoned my MIL to say that I thought she should consider other people when she goes on a tirade and I specifically referred to my DHs health. My MIL does not like to discuss health problems (these should be kept private). I went on to say I was worried about her mental health and suggested she seek some kind of counselling. The following week I received a letter which said my conversation was akin to someone blowing up the Grand Hotel in Brighton during the Brighton bombing and was otherwise very woe is me. Since the letter I have kept quiet about anything that is not my business.
Roll on 12 years. My DH and I now have 2 kids the of whom has been this year diagnosed with ASD and had a period of serious anxiety where he tried to self harm and could not attend school. MIL turned up at house to try to help, she does not think that the ASD is true and blames it on our hectic lifestyles, needless to say she was unable to help but she was obviously well meaning in her visit. My DH has also had a further episode of ill health and had a hospital stay (again for a condition which can be exacerbated by stress) .
In the meantime the family member with whom the feud was with has died. My FIL came up to have lunch with my DH and presented him with another poison pen letter from MIL stating all of the things he has done wrong in his life and saying how it was terrible that DH did not stick up for MIL in the feud and how she did not feel love for him and only kept in contact with him to see her grandkids.
DH was devastated. This came within weeks of his own ill health and DS's diagnosis.
AIBU to think that this is completely selfish regardless of whether MIL may or may not be having a period of ill (mental) health problems herself? My own mother thinks I should build bridges as MIL is not getting any younger. I just think she is toxic and want to limit her relationship with DC as much as possible.