Basically my friend is getting married on Monday. It's a big do, country house etc booked for about 18 months, and 6 weeks ago she asked me to be an extra bridesmaid, to which I said well yes if that's what you'd like- not to drip feed but I'm more of a behind the scenes person and I get anxiety about being in pics etc, but I didn't want to let her down.
My first problem - DH has been off work with a broken bone and is due to go back to work on Monday until 6pm so he will miss everything (ceremony is at 3pm), and then we have 2 DCs - One who is at Primary School and finishes at 3:30pm and the other who is a general tearaway toddler. So, as DH won't be there, I've said to the bride that I'm really sorry, but it will only be me on the day as I'll have to get my Mum to have the girls as DH is at work. She has replied, and said 'Well you can sit with the DC during the ceremony and meal'. I understand that to be fair it's not her problem, but I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do all the Bridesmaidy type stuff with her and sort of just leave the DC to usher themselves inside for the ceremony? So, my best plan was just to leave the DC with my Mum and go solo. To be fair, I wasn't that happy about having time away from school so early in the term.
Second problem - The bride is marrying a guy who is 22 years older than her (I know that when you're in love age is no issue, and that's fine with me), but he has his Mum to come and stay with them every other weekend whilst they have his kids on his weekend. They have a toddler together and then he has 2 primary school age children. He regually sods off on 10 day holidays and basically leaves her to do all the childcare and running about etc, and to then accomodate his Mum too. She has said before that she's basically a glorified Nanny to a guy that lives in her house. They've spilt up once and she had to leave her house with the DC as he told her 'I have nowhere to go'. She thinks it will all change after the wedding... We've spoken about this loads of times, and I've tried to tell her that if she doesn't like the situation then she needs to do something about it.
The worst bit? She is having an emotional affair with her ex, and although I have no proof, my gut tells me that they've met up. Everytime I see her, she always brings topic round to the ex and how they've 'bumped' into each other etc. I've told that she needs to sit down with her very soon to be DH and tell him everything thats been going on. Which of course she hasn't.
She's my friend and I love her, but I generally think she's feeling railroaded into the whole wedding and she hasn't got it in her to say STOP. Her soon to be MIL has warned her that if the wedding doesn't go ahead then there will be some seriously dissapointed children.
I know that in the end, it's not my life and it's her mistake to make (if it is a mistake at all), but I just don't feel that I can play 'Happy Weddings' and be false about it. I want to be a good friend, but I just don't think that I can support something that is a disaster waiting to happen.
What should I do?