To ask for advice on public speaking?

[NorthandSouth98374]

I've recently started a job that requires a bit of public speaking. At the very most I would have the opportunity to speak to around 60 people. I don't have to say anything, but often there are points that are unclear which I could clarify but I'm too scared to speak. I whip myself into a panic, my mouth goes dry, my face beetroot and I decide it's not worth the risk of making a show of myself.

But even in smaller meetings I get the same fear. I HATE introducing myself at meetings, one of which I have on Friday and I'm already nervous about the 'would you like to say a few words to introduce yourself' moment which is inevitable.

I know people say that if I spoke it won't be as bad as I think, but it is! The very first time I spoke, about a year ago, in front of about 10 people, I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I stumbled over a few words. I hoped it has seemed worse to me than everyone else, but two of my closest, most friendly colleagues thought it was hilarious and one of them still bangs on about 'can you remember how nervous you were, we could all see your hands shaking!' I've also had comments that I sound angry or curt. I'm neither, I'm just so nervous!

Anyone got any advice? I'd happily try public speaking classes but when I Google them there are pages of professionals saying they're a waste of time. I love my job and I don't often have to speak in front of people, but I want to be able to do it and do it without feeling physically sick for hours beforehand just at the thought.

I would support all the previous posts. It's about doing it more and more and finding out the techniques that work for you.

With regards to your fear being about talking about you personally or giving your opinion, this was my problem when I first started. No issues with structure content, but actually revealing my opinion or thoughts felt like an exposure.

In the end, I have to remind myself that my professional opinion is just that. MINE. If people agree with it, are interested in it, disagree with it, dont believe it etc then that is there prerogative.

This helped me to take some of the fear away of being open, alongside being genuine whilst on stage/with people and not fake.

I massively recommend the book Talk Like Ted. Gives loads of pointers for structure, approach, what to talk about and how! Loads on calling nerves too.

I speak a lot and it helped me massively.

Practice. Take every opportunity there is to present - especially if you have a co speaker who can help you out of you get stuck.
Go slowly.
Practice some more.
Film yourself practicing.
Watch other people - how to they stand, where do they look, what do they do with their hands?
Toastmasters is good.

I'm a lecturer so regularly talk for an hour to hundreds of people. That genuinely doesn't worry me. I'm sure of what I'm saying and secure enough to admit when I don't know the answer to a question, which used to fluster me. However sitting round a table waiting to introduce myself has my mouth dry and my mind blank every time. I am terrified that I will forget my own name, never mind my stupidly complicated job title. Nobody is as confident as they appear, I'm pretending to be confident all the time. I still never ask questions in seminars but I'm now so old and grumpy that I have no problem putting forward opinions in meetings.

I find watching myself on video excruciating, only do it if you can do it without obsessing over how you look.

I remember reading a good public speaking book by Dale Carnegie. It helped me a lot when training to be a teacher.

Your friends sound like absolute bastards.

I have been dealing with over coming anxiety attacks from presentations and public speaking, that came out of the blue one day, great hey! I've just finished taking a beginners and now on to an intermediate course in public speaking. I found them both on 'meet up' so if you have a look there could be some in your area. I also thought about toastmasters but my worry was it might be too advanced for a complete beginner, but you could always content then and find out more.

Also used to take propranolol which helps only with the physical symptoms and no internal anxiety, but it gave me insomnia so I had to stop and to be honest, it was a head fuck in my case anyways as I always had anxiety if I didn't have it with me. And when I had to stop taking it due to the insomnia I was terrified I'd have a panic attack, but I was actually just the same. But everyone is different and have different needs so so try it if you think it's right for you.

Other things that have helped are getting my general anxiety level down - more relaxing activities, meditation, baths etc. When your general anxiety is lower your peaks when speaking will be lower too.

Good luck!

As pp have said loads of practice. I hate public speaking, I had to give a presentation at a conference and practising it loads really helped. Don't take constructive criticism personally. I gave a few practice presentations to my colleagues, would you be able to do that?

I find watching myself on video excruciating, only do it if you can do it without obsessing over how you look.
I thought I looked good but HATED how I sounded!

Take water up with you, and have a sip if you dry up. You need to make a real effort to slow down, until it sounds silly to you almost, because to your listeners it will be just about right. And for me, it helps to remind myself that there is no one in the room who knows as much about my subject as me(I just tell myself that even if it isn't strictly true!)

There are some good courses out there - I did one with a local training company which my old workplace used a lot. Your employers might have a similar preferred provider, definitely worth looking into.

Remember the people you are speaking to are simply that - people. They are not invincible beings who can hurt you. They have probably all sorts of mundane thoughts running through their heads, none of which relates to you. So, you aren't really the centre of their attention, although you may think so.

The best trick I found to relax before public speaking was to imagine them all before they arrived at my seminars, ie. in pyjamas, slobbing about in silly slippers. It turns them into humans

As others have said, practise a lot. In front of the mirror, your family, pets, in the car. Have a few key points you want to say written down and a big breath before you begin.

40-30 mins before the session go to a toilet cubicle and do deep and slow breathing exercises drawing in breath from your toes all the way up to your diaphragm ending with a slow exhale to get oxygen around your body even more ( you may feel light headed the first few times). It will also take some of the early anxiety out of your system.

Before you speak take a deep breath, look at your key points and say what you are going to say. You have got this, don't have to be perfect.

I rather enjoy public speaking, and happily talk to audiences of up to 1000 (weirdly though, having to go and make small talk at PTA fills me with dread). I've done presentation courses, but really they boil down to smile, slow down, smile, and look at people. Slowing down and pausing really shows that you are confident.
In introductions I do 'Hello, I'm CMOT' 'I'm the salesman in charge of sausageinnabun, and today I'm delighted to be talking to you about ketchup/ to be here as we look for a solution to the issue of x' looking round the table/room

But practice, practice, practice. Every opportunity, every meeting, say something. And if your colleague says something, just say 'I'm really trying to work on my public speaking, so could you park reminding me of that please?'. If they do it again 'Sorry, I thought I'd asked you to leave that subject alone'. And if again 'Did you mean to be so rude? I have asked you repeatedly to stop talking about that'

I also thought about toastmasters but my worry was it might be too advanced for a complete beginner

No, it's designed to build you up starting from scratch. If you're not sure if it's for you, most clubs will let you attend as a guest, so you can see what it's like.

Sorry for my ignorance - I've been rushed off my feet. Thank you all so much for the ideas. I think I'm going to have to start forcing myself to speak at every meeting and hopefully over time it will gradually become better.

Really good advice on this thread!

I would add: keep reminding yourself that you've been asked to present because you're the expert on this topic. That means that whatever you say will be taken on trust - most people will doubt themselves before they doubt what you're saying.

Also - (depending on the context) some/most of your audience won't be listening anyway.

One little thing that has really helped me with the same problem is to hold a pen while I'm speaking. No one will notice but it means that a) I stop worrying about what to do with my hands and b) I feel less exposed, like there's something between me and the audience. Might sound a bit odd but it's really helped me a lot. Also, physically leaning forward in my chair before you start to speak- it feels like you're already part of the discussion so then it's more natural to start speaking.

Best advice I was ever given to overcome speaking too fast when nervous:
You will find it hard to obey the instruction "speak slowly", so concentrate on stopping at the end of each sentence.It actually works as one concentrates on not stopping for too long,knows the pause is coming up and hey,suddenly one is slowing down .As one speaks at a more natural pace, one feels more relaxed.
As others have said prepare your introduction, if you expect an icebreaker .

I haven't RTFT, but wanted to try and help.

Comfy outfit. Be overdressed if necessary, if you're comfortable.

Every break, in for 4, out for 4, in for 4, speak.

I always have a hair and it bracelet round my wrist, and hold it between my thumb and finger to help me - do you have an equivalent?