AIBU to be upset with my Uncle? Sorry I need to get this off my chest!

[antoniaeml]

I recently had a massive bust up with my Uncle.

I have a 4 year old daughter who has just started Reception, I began working again a few months back after a 4 year break and my fiance works away during the week so Monday-Friday it's just me and my dd a lot of the time. We've also had a nightmare with childcare as we keep being let down so there's been a lot going on and a lot of adjusting to new routines. We don't know many people where we are having moved not long ago and we don't really have family near by but when we've really struggled with childcare either my mum or my uncle, who both live a few hours away have come to help out. They have been amazing and we really appreciate all their help.

However, just recently my uncle, who we've always been very close to, has started criticizing everything I do when it comes to my dd. If I don't insist on her finishing her tea even though she's full or if i don't force her to use the loo before bed when she doesn't need to go or things like that then he has a right go at me. It all came to a head when he told me I am weak a couple of weeks ago for letting my dd fall asleep in our bed. She really misses her daddy during the week and she likes the comfort of our bed but he insists I must stop doing this and spent an entire evening going on about how badly I'm doing as a mum and calling me weak.

I ended up asking him to leave my home, working from home for the rest of the week and haven't spoken to him since. My brother and sister think I'm withing my rights to be upset but my mum thinks this is more my issue and I should just let it all flow over me and forget about it.

I feel bad about being so upset after all he's done for us helping us out but his constant criticizing has really got me down and wondering if I really am that bad of a mother. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting him around at the moment?

Thanks
A

I think maybe best to distance from him for a while. He has got far too comfortable and over involved in your decisions regarding your child

yanbu

Don't burn the bridges (until you're sure) but he definitely went too far, and a break would be good.

Ask him why he thinks his opinion is wanted, not in a goady way, just because it seems such an odd thing to feel entitled to do.
If you keep communication open, things can change, if not it will stay broken. Depends on what you want.

He sounds very Edwardian in his approach. You on the other hand sound like s great mum, and your little girl sounds well cared for.
I would want to talk to him about different approaches, and how his opinion isn't welcome, and that you don't want to change your patenting style. I child agree to disagree providing he kept his mouth shut...
I think your Mums suck it up approach is wrong, and would Just lead to resentment.

I'm on the proverbial fence. Most people have an opinion on other people and their child rearing methods. Whether they voice it or not is another matter entirely!

I assume he has no children of his own? You've just cut your free no strings childcare in half. Whilst you don't need it at the moment at some point you might.

I don't believe in burning bridges, as the previous poster has said, taking a step back is a good idea, but don't let it fester.

Imo this is what can happen when you rely on family for child care. They think their opinions are an entitled input because that look after the dc.
Just explain you and your dh have the parenting covered if he just wants to be the fun uncle! Or find a nursery.

I'd have kicked anyone who spoke to me like that out of my house. Just because you're helping me out, doesn't mean you can make parenting decisions or call me names when I don't do things exactly how you would

Maybe he's been biting his tongue and can't hold it in any longer, my parents are a bit like this and will have huge explosions after years of seething secret resentment.

he's helped you out a lot so try to be grateful for what you've had so far but maybe don't give him the option to see your parenting in the home if he's going to be critical.

Thanks for the responses everyone!

I have spoken to my uncle now and he has asked to visit us but I've told him I'd rather he didn't just now. I will try not to burn bridges but I think a little time without him around may be best all round to avoid any massive fall outs that we wouldn't be able to patch up.

Thanks
a x