keeping secrets

[howcomeitslikethat]

Does anyone else out there like to keep secrets, not harmful ones but little nuggets of joy. I have reached the conclusion that it is time I looked after myself more. I am usually a quite open person but for some reason I have taken to sneaking about. For example in the last few weeks I have had botox (no one noticed but I feel much better). I have facials, manicures all sorts of stuff happening. My dh thinks I go to friends house (she covers for me) out shopping, dog to vets etc. He is aware that I have joined a gym which he thinks is a waste of time. He doesnt know that I have just booked a personal trainer. I dont care, what I do know is that my secrets make me feel better. This is my time and if I dont do what makes me happy now I never will. Just for background I have always been a bit of a mouseand have lacked confidence. I love my husband but If I tell him he will moan about the money that he says we should save for a rainy day. My mother died recently and left a me a little bit of money, just a few hundred. She had a miserable few years and I dont want to have regrets like she did. So, am I being unreasonable to want to keep parts of myself secret

If you would be ok discovering he was behaving this way and involving his friend in the deceit then I'd say you are good... would you be ok with that?

I think those kind of secrets are fine. Go for it!

You might find your DP doesn't mind though, especially if you are grieving

I think it's sad that you can't share perfectly normal things like this with your partner.

Spending the money depends on family finances. If the family is struggling then it naybe an issue. If not, its not.

But the lies about where you are and on going lies about a personal trainer (a few hundred pounds will run out quickly spending like this) could cause lots of issues in future.

I wouldnt be happy if dh eas lying about where he was and a friend was covering. I am not sure i would believe 'having some me time' as the excuse when it all comes out.

We are both pensioners so if anything I think my husband would suspect I had gone nuts rather than be suspicious. We have always worked and saved for a rainy day so my recent spending won't harm anyone and once the money is gone. For years I have shopped in charity shops (had some great bargains) been careful with money, never had foreign holidays. I just don't want to look back at money in the bank because I was too frightened to have a good and be too old to enjoy it. I know it sounds selfish but there it is.

meant to say that once the money is gone at least I have enjoyed it, I did give husband half which he has saved. I tell him that we are only here once and should do things together but he is always sensible.

With the greatest respect, you haven't said how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. But honestly, what do I know... I'm not a pensioner and my husband is very encouraging overall.

I think your age has changed my mind a bit. Maybe this wil give you the confidence boost to drag him along on adventures he might ultimately enjoy! You have reminded me we only get one life!

Thankyou MrsMHhasit, I think that we have both got into a rut. We are usually together all day but do little with the time. If the shoe was on the other foot I would be pleased that he was making an effort. He is a lovely man but he is a bit scruffy if I'm honest

Ive got an appointment for fat freezing tomorrow morning and DH doesn't have a clue!

I'll admit it if he asks (and probably shave a few £s off the actual cost!)

What's he saving for though? Life is for living. You need a holiday.

guestofclanmackensie- what is fat freezing, never heard of that one.

existential moment - he says that he is saving for a rainy day and he wants me to not have to worry if he dies before me. I tell him that I want to live now...with him.

OP it's basically killing fat cells permanently. There are numerous methods available - I'd never heard of it either. I've got an area I want to get rid of that no amount of sessions at the gym will tone up so its a birthday present to myself.

Have a google at 3D lipo treatments and a load of info should come up. (If you're interested!)

guestofclanmackenzie - I googled it and it looks great. Please let me know how it goes. I don't think its for me but still interested. Happy Birthday, have a great day.