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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to expect DH to be able to pack for DC for holiday?

51 replies

LynneDor · 20/09/2017 16:32

DD 7mo and DS 2y. He says he doesn't know what they need. WTF?!

OP posts:

missymayhemsmum · 20/09/2017 18:22

So if he had packed what he thought they needed, there is no chance of you being annoyed if he didn't pack what you would have packed, then?

underneaththeash · 20/09/2017 18:29

That would be far beyond my husband. We would end up needing to go children's clothes shopping on holiday,

I suspect you will have an easier holiday if you just do it yourself.

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2017 18:31

"That would be far beyond my husband. We would end up needing to go children's clothes shopping on holiday,"

Does he hold down a job?

LollyJune · 20/09/2017 18:35

YANBU there is no reason for any parent to not be able to pack for their children.

plantsitter · 20/09/2017 18:43

Yeah what I meant by nobody is born knowing what to pack is that it's been just not that hard to find/work out. They are humans after all.

DNAwrangler · 20/09/2017 19:32

Not fair my Arse. Any fool can work out roughly what a child needs to take on holiday.

Bet he'd make a fair go of it if his manager had asked him to do it.

If he's really that daft do a quick check after he's done.

Glitteryfrog · 20/09/2017 19:42

If you had never looked after a nappy wearing child for a day then you probably wouldn't know how many nappies to pack.

I don't have a child, but I could figure this out.

temperature of location
what will be going on
comforter for child
unless I'm going somewhere remote there will be a supermarket for nappies. I'm not lugging more than I need to access the world.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/09/2017 19:50

I'm sure if he was taking them on his own he'd pack pack what he thought was fine. Then buy anything he'd forgotten. No stress.

No one having a go at you for forgetting this, that or the other.

He doesn't mean 'I don't know what they need'. He means 'I don't know what you think they need & I don't fancy an ear full on holiday'.

annandale · 20/09/2017 19:57

I packed for ds because I found it less stressful than getting dh to do it. He didn't pack for ds because no doubt he found it less stressful to let me barrel on and make me hot drinks when I complained about being tired.

Speaking as the person who twice forgot to take milk for my milk-drinking baby, I has no right to claim I'm particularly good at packing.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:11

My Oh has never packed for our kids.

I would want him to.

I spend ten times more time caring for our kids than he does, and wash all the family clothes, I knew which clothes fitted best, which shoes were comfortable, which clothes were best for heat, which were the favourite items.
I pack things for comfort, baby powder to take sand off damp feet, sarongs to use as sun shields.

I doubt my OH would know any of this.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:14

"wouldn't want him to".

MrGrumpy01 · 20/09/2017 20:27

My dh would kind of get on ok but he wouldn't really know quantities (I always wash on holiday) what type of t-shirts I want (so wouldn't think about an old one for the beach) or as someone else said the combinations would be wrong.

We have lists. I now put quanties and just check it over as I pack and if necessary change/add things that he has got out.

I still mess up though. I do remember one holiday having to go and buy a cardigan for me and a pair of trousers for a little dc as in true British style the weather took a dramatic turn from the day we left and I hadn't planned for that.

FaFoutis · 20/09/2017 20:31

YANBU
If you accept this and do the packing for your dc now you will be doing it every single time, for ever.

LunaTheCat · 20/09/2017 20:33

My DH cannot pack for himself for a holiday - let alone anyone else. It is not in their genes.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:34

If you accept this and do the packing for your dc now you will be doing it every single time, for ever.

I doubt it.

My DS prefers to pack his and my DD has been excited as I am about packing since she was around 7 years old.
I have known her to start packing months before a holiday.

Packing is a pleasure.

Kr1s · 20/09/2017 20:37

My family obviously have a genetic mutation, because my husband and my two school aged sons can all pack for themselves.

Truly amazing.

sirfredfredgeorge · 20/09/2017 20:38

He doesn't mean 'I don't know what they need'. He means 'I don't know what you think they need & I don't fancy an ear full on holiday'.

This, as everyone says it's easy to figure out what they need, it's what you think they might need that's the risk, given that you're already judging him, he's probably right.

FaFoutis · 20/09/2017 20:43

I do not find packing to be a pleasure. The OP's husband clearly doesn't either.

Beamur · 20/09/2017 20:47

My DH would have been able to do this. He wouldn't have packed the same things as me, but DD would have survived. Although he did take her out one day wearing a t-shirt and tights, thinking they were leggings.

engineersthumb · 20/09/2017 20:51

I would probably fail! My wife is much better at the packing at suitcase level, I do the sweating to get it packed into the car...which she would probably fail at:) (some history not to be expanded on!).
Is that so bad? Division of labour isn't about doing half of every task rather more half the load. Don't get me wrong I'd have a clothed child and after a visit to the chemist we'd probably all live...but why?

FaFoutis · 20/09/2017 20:52

I find the assumptions of "tongue lashing" and "earful" on this thread uncomfortable.

BelfastSmile · 20/09/2017 21:02

I have a Google Keep checklist for each child, which I share with DH. It lists all the things they each need for a holiday. Not in lots of detail; I think it says "socks, pants and vests" for instance, but enough to make sure nothing important gets forgotten. I need a list to work from as much as DH does.

Having said that, DH would be fine with packing for them as he'd just pack the entire house. We recently went out to a local cafe for lunch, and he packed 3 games for DS to take. He also regularly takes the changing bag if he's taking one of the kids to the garage for milk. It's 5 minutes' walk away, and doesn't have changing facilities, so if anything happened he'd come straight home anyway!

Kr1s · 21/09/2017 08:08

Interesting " division of labour " argument from a man.

So the woman buys all the child's clothes, looks out all the child's clothes, checks they are all clean and in good condition, washes, irons and repairs where necessary. Checks there is enough of each item and things match. Looks out other items - toiletries, washbag, toys, footwear , medicines, nappies etc and packs in a suitcase.

Man carries suitcase out to car and lifts into the boot.

Yup that seems exactly the same and totally equal to me. In fact, any single mum will tell you that the hardest part of raising a child alone is that ' lifting the suitcase into the boot ' thing. Same as the hardest part of running a home for a year is the ' taking the car for its annual MOT' . Oh and putting out the bins.

FaFoutis · 21/09/2017 09:11

Yes Kr1s.

Parker231 · 21/09/2017 09:19

This is a similar thread to those where the mum prepares food in advance for the dad to feed the DC's if she is going to be out at a meal time. Too many mum's are enabling - just leave the dad's to parent their own children. If they don't know how to, they are a sad excuse for a parent !

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