To need help with my mood

[Purplesky2]

I've posted loads before about this but I can't stop digging at the wound I find so painful which is my my kids growing up. They aren't even very old - nearly 10, 8 and 6. I dread the teenage years, fear them not seeing me, fear being alone after ploughing the last 10 years into them. I find time going so quickly now. I find looking a photos form only 2 years ago upsetting. I'm trying to re discover myself and keep busy and distracted but I feel very low and like I need to see a counsellor or take some medication as I don't feel happy anymore.

Sorry you're having a hard time OP.
Does sound like some counselling would help - have you looked into it at all? I've done quite a bit myself and currently doing CBT and ACT which has been REALLY helpful for my issues x

I'm exploring options for some talking therapy - I think there is a long wait for cbt based therapy unless you pay privately.

It is insane what I am crying over. I need to get a tight grip.

I think it's very easy to say 'get a grip' but that really isn't always possible. If it was that easy, you would have just done that by now. Things can't just be fixed by being hard on yourself - if anything that's the worst thing to actually do. When you are feeling down you should be really kind to yourself - treat yourself like you would treat a friend.

Sorry I can't be much more help in your specific issue, but I hope you can find other people who can related/talking therapy to help.

If it is any reassurance I spent a lot of time with my father as a teenager and still speak to him on a daily basis.

What is all this angst giving you? What is it doing to prevent what you fear from happening? Is it doing anything to change the natural melancholy people feel about the passing of time but everything to make you unhappy and stressed. Is the last 3 months so dreadful compared to 3 months ago? Is this year sadder than last because you're all older? I doubt it. Really examine the angst and what it is giving you in real terms. It's serving a purpose somehow

I think it's very normal to feel a twinge of sadness at kids getting older. It sounds like you may have over invested yourself in your children (as a lot of us do) and then find you've neglected to nurture yourself and what you need in life to make yourself happy. I would look at how you spend your time and see how much of it gives you a sense of accomplishment or happiness. Write a list of things you like to do and incorporate them into your daily life. Reestablishing your own identity may reduce the grief you feel at the change. Also, are you thinking of the worst future scenario with your kids? Is the reality likely to be easier on you than you think?

I want drugs to feel like a robot. I don't know what motivate me anymore

I have phases of feeling ok but the lows make me tearful for days.

Watching with interest as I know what you mean OP, mine are 12, 11 & 6 and I now have just my youngest left at our local (lovely) primary school. It feels so weird