In January I met a woman at a party and she offered to do me a favour. I don't want to reveal myself but imagine something along the lines of cleaning my house, taking care of my kids, etc. (not a sexual favour please dont let your dirty minds run away with you). :D :D
This favour was usually costing me about 200 quid a month and we met at a party and i was moaning about how much stress i was having with my current situation. She offered to help and I thought I would give it a go. After a few tries we agreed it was working out and we came to the conversation of payment. She said she would do it for free, which came as a bit of a shock. I kept insisting on giving money, asking about bank transfers etc. and she just kept saying no. Well I was a bit baffled but figured she must have her reasons, maybe she was just genuinely a helpful person, and that I would figure it out later down the line.
9 months later and i've come to the conclusion that nothing comes for free and in fact this woman is a very controlling person. over time she's come to believe that i owe her certain psychological things in return for this favour she is doing for me. if i don't comply then i get the silent treatment or she suddenly cancels on me... leaving me in the lurch for that day.
for example, we have some mutual friends (that's how we met). but she is on the outside of this group and refuses to be around one of the women in the group (her dh's ex). plus it's a very flimsy group in the sense you have to put yourself out there and make a lot of effort, be spontaneous etc.She is often forgotten or left out of plans because she doesn't make the effort and is quite a control freak when it comes to plans. i try to always invite her along, but she doesn't like the spontaneity of it all. she asks for more notice but i can't give it, since usually we organize a few hours in advance. or for example, one of the girls organized a dinner at her house and we all had a specific course to make. there was not much room to just invite someone else and i didnt really think about it. the host didnt even know the other girl that well, although the other girls there were mutual friends. anyway a photo got posted on fb and that got me the silent treatment for a week.
another time i was hosting a pizza evening at my house where we all watch GOT once a week. i invited her, but then she tried to reorganize the whole evening. since she doesn't watch GOT, she tried to hijack and convince the group we watch a movie instead. plus the time coincided with her fitness class. she couldnt understand why i wouldnt reorganize the whole evening just for her.
so gradually i just stopped trying to be her PR woman and have been very secretive about any social activity.
then its other things. comments on the food im eating. e.g. healthiness, amount. or how much im on my phone. wont let me have a differing opinion. e.g. a convo was shut down because she doesnt think gays should have access to fertility treatment. i disagreed, but was soon reminded that she is doing me this favour, so i should just listen to her ranting etc.
so ive realised over time that i am actually paying for this favour, just in a different way. my question is, aibu to be bothered by it? i am actually saving a lot of money and hassle. i must admit my life has become easier in general. or should i, on principle, just go back to paying the 200 quid a month in return for my freedom and self respect. i do feel like she often talks to me badly, like in a way you wouldn't normally talk to a friend/stranger. and i have the sense she gets a kick out of having this weird power over me.
but then is it a win-win? part of me feels im reading too much into this and should just nod, smile, and accept the free services. another part of me worries it could spiral out of control and ill end up this woman's bitch for life.