DH's ex wife spending divorce proceedings like water

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

Back story.. after a very long and protracted divorce (drawn out by the ex wife) and huge legal bills, my DP's ex was awarded, reluctantly by the judge ALL of the proceeds of sale of the marital home. This was in order for her to clear her CC debts she had run up and buy a house outright for her and their two children. The ex has made no effort to get a job in the 4 years since they had separated (despite the chiidrrn being in their teens) so had no mortgage raising capacity whatsoever. Although the judge criticised her for this, the priority was housing he children, and rightly so. DP kept his pension but nothing 'liquid'.

I don't have an issue with the ruling, however the marital home has finally sold, almost 18 months after the divorce was finalised, she has a substantial amount of money in the bank, but the town she lives in and wants to continue to live in is expensive. The money left is enough, just, to clear her debts and buy a modest 3 bed house outright. But she has chosen to move into an expensive rental, buy a 20k car and started booking holidays. She continues to ' work ' in her own, loss making business and has never attempted to get a real job so still can't raise a mortgage.

By our calculations, given what she has spent already she now won't have enough to buy anything. If she stays in her very nice rental for the next year she will have spent 18k on rent in a year and this will further scupper any chance she will have of buying a house for her and the kids.

My question is, does DP say anything or is it none of his business? It is his children's chance of a secure home and inheritance that is being jeopardised, then again, she is a grown woman so should he keep his mouth shut and let her make her own mistakes?

It is worth noting that she is both totally rubbish with money and obsessed with outward appearance- clothes, cars, to be seen to be doing well is very important to her.

[SusanTheGentle]

I'm appalled by the awful attitude of some of the posters here. The OP is clearly concerned for her step children and for her partner, and yes, also for her own future wellbeing. Her partner has no assets because of his first wife's profligacy and she's worried that the wellbeing of the children will suffer and her husband hasn't got much to help with. She's got no control in this situation and wants advice and reassurance for her own and her family's future.

One person's poor money management is threatening that and the OP hasn't even been particularly mean about her - she's just described the situation and even the judge called the ex daft.

Of course it's the OP's business and if course she should counsel her partner and help him protect his children and himself.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I got a 100% award, they are rare, there is more to this. I got mine because my ex-husband spent ALL of our assets (including our kids shares) with the exception of the house entertaining the OW during his affair. He essentially spent his "share". I also had a 2 year old autistic DS to house and had given up a city career to help ex with "our" business from which I was immediately sacked without notice or pay. I also have a joint lives nominal order. Furthermore, nobody knows what this woman's plans are. I have plans for the money but it is absolutely nobody's business but mine. If I choose to spend a year renting a nice house, having a few holidays, buying a car, whatever, that is nothing to do with anybody else. The fact she is receiving spousal is also relevant, again, more to it. There are a huge amount of assumptions being made here. If the ex husband is worried for his children's future security then that is something he must take up with his ex-wife although she can rightly tell him to bugger off. He can of course take legal advice if he feels she has broken the "terms" of the order but given we don't know what those terms were or indeed if there are any (which I doubt), there is little he can do.

[misssmilla1]

I think you're right to be concerned OP, altho there's probably little you can actually do.

I've seen the same happen elsewhere - XW had a nice place awarded through the divorce to ensure continuity to do what she wanted with it. She sold, didn't work, and slowly went through all the cash from the divorce and house sale, continuously downsizing ending up in a 1 bed / large studio flat with two teenage kids, and having to move the kids at crucial points in schooling as she couldn't afford the area.

Imo, this does become an issue, as you worry about the kids and their stability

[lavenderbees]

AgainPlease Why start a relationship with a man that has substantial history that involves complex finance with another woman and then moan about said situation. You only have yourself to blame.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

SusanTheGentle My now ex-husband has no assets because of HIS profligacy, not mine. If anybody dared call me a "grabby ex wife" after the shit he put me through and the mess he made of everything we had built up over a long marriage, they can right off. We are also only hearing one side of the story here!

[NameChangeFamousFolk]

I suspect the 'ex' will be in the wrong with you no matter what she decides to do.

Is it possible that the 'ex' would have a very different take on things?

[AcrossthePond55]

How she spends her settlement is 100% up to her. That issue is something that both you and DH need to stay out of.

BUT, I do think it would be wise to take all the divorce papers to a different solicitor than the one that handled the divorce and have them give them a thorough 'going-over' to see if there is any opening for her to apply to increase the spousal maintenance. I would not be surprised to find out that there is, she knows there is, and that's why she feels she can fritter the settlement away. I expect there is always the ability to apply to increase the child maintenance.

If the new solicitor says that there is that possibility (re spousal) I suggest your DH do what is necessary to close that loophole!

[EamonnWright]

Quite a few people on here have lived the life of Riley on the back of their ex going by some of the replies.

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

...given the ages of the children (15 and 17 now) ...

So you only have three years until the maintenance ends. This woman's rent is £18k a year and she has the proceeds from a house sale which, judging by the clues, would be worth a lot - your husband is clearly a very high earner. Unlikely she's going to burn through it all in three years and leave the children (who are almost adults) on your doorstep.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

EamonnWright Oh yes, life of riley indeed

[MistressDeeCee]

Of course it's the OP's business and if course she should counsel her partner and help him protect his children and himself

Its the DH & his Ex business - not OP's business. OP isn't a legal counsel and the DH isn't a child to be 'helped to protect' his children - he's their dad.

Funny how there are so many 'it the ex wife's fault/my DH is totally innocent and unaware' stories on MN.

Try being practical instead of appalled - appalled won't help will it, the Ex got the award and she can and will spend the money as she likes...you can go to a solicitor with appalled attitude, thats not going to get a block put on Ex's spending nobody is going to come along with a court order dictating what she spends money on.

Not to mention we have 1 side of the story here anyway

[juneau]

Since the ruling was very generous towards her and given her behaviour since the house was sold I can't think that any lawyer would advise her to 'go back for more', nor any judge worthy of the title give her another penny! She clearly has problems with money, but fortunately for your DP those problems are now, finally, no longer his. I would stick your fingers in your ears, both of you, and sing 'La, la, la' next time she tries to wind you up by telling you how she's spending the proceeds of the divorce, because from now on her profligacy is her problem alone and her chickens will come home to roost pretty soon!

[Peanutbutterrules]

Ignore the nastiness OP - this affects your life potentially so concern is warranted. Get legal advice asap. Age of kids limits the risk, unless the deal is until end of university/higher education.

Check it all out. Now.

[PurplePickledPlums]

"given the ages of the children (15 and 17 now) ...

So you only have three years until the maintenance ends. "

Not if it's a joint lives order. It will go on until she remarries, cohabitates or dies. When DHs ex came back for more we went to see a lawyer who said "it's worse than having a disabled child - you and only you are responsible for her until she dies". He then pulled out the list of countries without reciprocity with the UK and suggested we move after the kids turn 18....it was one of the most depressing meetings I've ever sat through.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

PurplePickledPlums Not necessarily. Unless I have missed something upthread, there is no mention of a joint lives order in terms of spousal. It can be put in place for a limited time. Again, not enough information here and I would be very surprised if awarded without due reason.

[AdalindSchade]

Wow! Has that judge never heard of renting? She could have had half the proceeds to invest and rented a house to house her children like many parents do. What a bizarre ruling.

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

PurplePickledPlums OP specified it's until the youngest is 18. I.E. in under three years.

[Inertia]

Sounds like your H needs advice from his solicitor who has access to the actual court documents.

As FormidableMrsC explains, there are 2 sides to every story. It's possible that someone who has always been a SAHP and cannot immediately get a job is left with no source of income for a time, if the spouse has instantly stopped paying the mortgage/bills /child-related costs upon separation. We don't know whether the ex wife in this case was using credit cards to buy food shopping in Asda, or designer handbags. It's also possible that she's planning to spend all the money and try to go back to court o get more - none of us know the full story.

[Kittychatcat]

You've had some harsh replies, OP.

Your DP needs to go back to his solicitor. I'd suggest that you keep any of your savings in your own name and don't think of marrying DP until you have taken separate legal advice of your own to protect yourself.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Also, debts, the same as assets, are "of the marriage". They are not in one persons name or another. It is clearly a very large settlement, maybe she is planning to relocate somewhere cheaper in another part of the country. It's all guesswork but that is not a settlement that is very "usual" is all I can say!

[SusieOwl4]

I second some posters on here who recommend another chat with a solicitor. It does depend entirely on the basis of how the funds were to be used and whether that was specified . If he was happy on the ruling because it provided a secure roof over his children's heads for the foreseeable future and that is not happeneing then I can see why you are worried. I don't think the money from the proceeds would be for the ex. They would be for the ex to provide for the children . So I can see why you have posted .

[BellyBean]

Housing ŵise, she can rent til youngest is past uni age presumably. So she's only scuppering herself (and inheritance though that's never guaranteed)

[Daydreamerbynight]

You always this unpleasant Lavenderbees?

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

No. He paid the mortgage, ALL bills, all the children's extra curricular activities and clubs, her car including all related expenses including her fuel, her mobile phone and the kids phones and put £1500 into her account every month for food and her personal spends.

Most of the CC bills were run up in clothes shops. Oh and a 7k holiday to New Zealand because she and the kids needed a break.

They had a very nice lifestyle and she has struggled grasping the concept that economies have to be made as there are two households to run now. (The judge said this too).

Reading between the lines of some of the harsher comments... I wonder if some of you are 1st wives and assume I broke up their family? I didn't. I met him after she had started divorce proceedings and they had already been separated for a year.

She has never worked since they were married and still doesn't have any paid employment.