DH's ex wife spending divorce proceedings like water

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

Back story.. after a very long and protracted divorce (drawn out by the ex wife) and huge legal bills, my DP's ex was awarded, reluctantly by the judge ALL of the proceeds of sale of the marital home. This was in order for her to clear her CC debts she had run up and buy a house outright for her and their two children. The ex has made no effort to get a job in the 4 years since they had separated (despite the chiidrrn being in their teens) so had no mortgage raising capacity whatsoever. Although the judge criticised her for this, the priority was housing he children, and rightly so. DP kept his pension but nothing 'liquid'.

I don't have an issue with the ruling, however the marital home has finally sold, almost 18 months after the divorce was finalised, she has a substantial amount of money in the bank, but the town she lives in and wants to continue to live in is expensive. The money left is enough, just, to clear her debts and buy a modest 3 bed house outright. But she has chosen to move into an expensive rental, buy a 20k car and started booking holidays. She continues to ' work ' in her own, loss making business and has never attempted to get a real job so still can't raise a mortgage.

By our calculations, given what she has spent already she now won't have enough to buy anything. If she stays in her very nice rental for the next year she will have spent 18k on rent in a year and this will further scupper any chance she will have of buying a house for her and the kids.

My question is, does DP say anything or is it none of his business? It is his children's chance of a secure home and inheritance that is being jeopardised, then again, she is a grown woman so should he keep his mouth shut and let her make her own mistakes?

It is worth noting that she is both totally rubbish with money and obsessed with outward appearance- clothes, cars, to be seen to be doing well is very important to her.

[sonjadog]

I would get proper legal advice on this. I don´t think this is something that people on here can correctly advise on - and the opinion of a lot of unqualified legal "experts" is no help at all.

[SonicBoomBoom]

If I were you (both), I'd think a gentle chat between her and your DH, where your DH can offer advice.

Whether she takes it or not though...

It's a shit situation.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

That's outrageous. What a horrible person you sound. How dare you use that word! And he currently has nothing to leave them. He has a pension. No other assets.

[lalalalyra]

I would be seeking advice if there's an element of ongoing spousal maintenance. Once she's skint then he needs to know she can't apply to vary that.

[Hortonlovesahoo]

OP: I think you're right to be concerned here. I'd echo what others have Said and get legal advice immediately to make sure that it's clear and the stability of your step children can be ensured if she's so fickle with money.

[WhereTheWildThingsAre123]

I didn't see any mention of inheritance from OP, she's only concerned about whether or not they should intervene on her spending now so she has means of income for DCs.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

By 'vary' you mean apply to increase her payments? Is that possible?

Yes it is.

I think it was a clean break ruling so doesn't this mean she can't apply for more?

It can't be a full clean break until the spousal element of the global payments ends.

[sonjadog]

Where did you get it that OP believes that 100% of the children´s inheritance must come from their mother, Nutty? I can´t see that the OP said that anywhere.

[scottishdiem]

Fantastic. So many here basically defending men who dont save money for their kids and that women should not care what their ex-partners do with their money. Which is different from the usual commentary.

This women is spending money that could be better devoted to her kids long term stability. Of course their dad should be concerned about that.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

That's outrageous. What a horrible person you sound. How dare you use that word! And he currently has nothing to leave them. He has a pension. No other assets.

[BeyondDespair]

How do you know that the judge reluctantly made the award?? How do you know that her money for cars and holidays has come from the award? I also suspect that she might have gone into rented because she's waiting for a house price fall??? Perhaps she still couldn't afford to buy after the award was made, and is waiting??

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I can´t see that the OP said that anywhere.

She didn't. its just a dig at second wives

[sonjadog]

Ah, right. It was just a poster who wanted to give the OP a kicking.

[crimsonlake]

Nobody can really comment on this without seeing the actual wording of the order. I would be surprised if the judge 'reluctantly' awarded all the equity to the ex and obviously the new partner was not in court to witness the judge's reluctance. Equally surprised that she would be ordered to buy a home outright, most judges are not concerned whether the home is purchased or rented. Depending on the ages of the children I am surprised a Mesher Order was not put in place on the fmh until the children reached the age of 18 years.
Is your new partner a high earner and was she awarded spousal maintenance as well as the equity?

[SpringBreak]

Given recent cases where ex husbands have had to top up generous divorce settlements (in one case because the e.x w lost a fortune in poor property deals) even where housing children was not an issue, you have every reason to be concerned for your family income as well as your children's stable home life. Your husband should go back to the solicitor who represented him in the divorce

[Coffeeandcherrypie]

What a nasty, twatty post, Nuttynoo. Reported.

[Lanaorana2]

Ignore the a-s telling you you're being rude.

You'll probably be housing the kids, as you know. In law, when a judge gives you money for a specific purpose, you can spend it on what you want - you don't have to go along with what the judge said after you've banked the cheque. Yep, even though generally in law you do. Yep, even though it's for feeding and sheltering your children.

I would make it very clear to EXW that there is no more money up for grabs. Given she's blown the first payout without housing the kids no judge will give her any more anyway.

Keep records of how much you spend on the kids and try and deal directly with them about smaller sums. At 18, I think the rules may change so you can cut EXW out of financial dealings.

[MistressDeeCee]

No point in him saying anything since she is under no obligation to take on board or obey anything she says. Best get on with your own lives and ignore. Its not healthy for you to be preoccupied with what she does, where she goes and what she spends either.

[Rachie1973]

You can be as concerned as you like OP, however it's her money now, to do as she pleases.

The judge recommended an action, it's not a court order though.

You'll have to live with it.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

In her ruling the judge awarded her all of the house sale proceeds as this would be enough, just, to clear her CC debts and buy a mortgage free property outright. That is what she said. She (the judge) also said that it was a real shame that the ex had made no effort to get a job in the 4 years post separation and so had no mortgage raising capacity. She says that this limited what she (the judge) could award the husband because the children needed to be housed.

[MistressDeeCee]

& despite what others are suggesting, no way can you go to any legal adviser and be taken seriously re you think your man/woman's ex partner is frivolous with money and not spending it in the way anyone thinks she should...! There isn't even a law that covers that, how ridiculous to even imply that there is.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Her money, her business.

You may not like it but the fact is that once the money was in her account it became nothing to do with anyone else.