DH's ex wife spending divorce proceedings like water

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

Back story.. after a very long and protracted divorce (drawn out by the ex wife) and huge legal bills, my DP's ex was awarded, reluctantly by the judge ALL of the proceeds of sale of the marital home. This was in order for her to clear her CC debts she had run up and buy a house outright for her and their two children. The ex has made no effort to get a job in the 4 years since they had separated (despite the chiidrrn being in their teens) so had no mortgage raising capacity whatsoever. Although the judge criticised her for this, the priority was housing he children, and rightly so. DP kept his pension but nothing 'liquid'.

I don't have an issue with the ruling, however the marital home has finally sold, almost 18 months after the divorce was finalised, she has a substantial amount of money in the bank, but the town she lives in and wants to continue to live in is expensive. The money left is enough, just, to clear her debts and buy a modest 3 bed house outright. But she has chosen to move into an expensive rental, buy a 20k car and started booking holidays. She continues to ' work ' in her own, loss making business and has never attempted to get a real job so still can't raise a mortgage.

By our calculations, given what she has spent already she now won't have enough to buy anything. If she stays in her very nice rental for the next year she will have spent 18k on rent in a year and this will further scupper any chance she will have of buying a house for her and the kids.

My question is, does DP say anything or is it none of his business? It is his children's chance of a secure home and inheritance that is being jeopardised, then again, she is a grown woman so should he keep his mouth shut and let her make her own mistakes?

It is worth noting that she is both totally rubbish with money and obsessed with outward appearance- clothes, cars, to be seen to be doing well is very important to her.

[Funnyonion17]

Why do you even discuss this?!

It's her money, her choice

[MistressDeeCee]

The judge's recommendation is not a Court Order. Stay out of this and live your life

[Rachie1973]

but you said yourself, the area is expensive. The court hasn't ordered where she must live. It hasn't ordered she must buy a home. It hasn't ordered she must clear her debts. Its simply allowed her enough to do so if she wants.

You can't interpret the order now to suit yourself.

[TheRealBiscuitAddict]

Thing is, we don't know that she is going to run out of money do we? If the award has just been made and she is crap with money then it's likely that she will currently have spent somewhat of it on unnecessary crap.

But the talk of the kids becoming homeless and moving in with the OP and her DH is currently projective thinking and nothing more, there is no way of knowing that that is what is going to happen, etc.

If she was awarded the full equity from the house sale then I'd say that there is more to that than the fact that she needed to clear her debts and buy a house outright. More likely that it's been recognised that due to the fact she gave up a career to bring up children she is no longer in a position to be able to get back on the property ladder while her ex husband has built up his own career in the meantime. If she is the resident parent to the children who are now teenagers it will be recognised that she is going to find it more difficult to find work in the current market.

As for how she spends her money, we all do the "you should never judge," line on mn but in reality everyone does judge these things, they just don't always comment to the individuals concerned. But assuming that the award is final the ex husband really isn't within his rights to tell her how she should be spending the money even if he does disagree. Unless the award was conditional in which case he might tell her that he will be going back to court given she hasn't met the conditions.

[Pallisers]

Keep snout out! You sound like a right busy-body.

And you sound absolutely horrible. Although you are not alone on this thread.

It must be hard for your dh to see what could be an asset in the future for his children pissed against the wall but I doubt he can do anything about it. The children are older so probably will not need to be housed by the time she finally spends the money. He could consult his original solicitor to see if he could secure anything for his children.

She is also putting herself in a very vulnerable position financially.

[Daydreamerbynight]

Live your life until your DSC move in with you when there is no money left.

[MinorRSole]

I don't think you are unreasonable for feeling the way you do at all. Whether or not you have any legal options here I have no idea but I am going to a hazard a guess that your dh paid a huge amount into that house precisely because he was providing for his children.

Most people would jump at the chance of a mortgage free house, especially parents who would want that security for their children. The fact she hasn't makes her an idiot at best

[BeyondDespair]

Twatty. Do you have the transcript of the hearing of the judge saying that? Or is that what your partner told you that the judge said? And were the credit cards in joint names and/ or for joint purchases?

[MehMehAndMeh]

You need legal advice. It is your business because there is spousal maintenance involved and you can see her in a couple of years applying to have it increased. Check with a good solicitor what her chances may be of that happening (can she use the kids potentially being homeless as leverage etc). It's a difficult one because you don't want to see the kids out of a home due to her financial irresponsibility but at the same time how can you ensure that it doesn't go to continuing to fund this unsustainable lifestyle.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Why wasnt there a mesher order? Why sell the house?

She could have stayed in the house until the kids where 18 then the house sold and equity split then. Selling the house to provide just one home for one party seems a bit odd when there is a house there already.

[WashingMatilda]

God, here we go again on MN, with the ex-wife doing no wrong and the new wife being a busybody showing concern for her step-children.

This.
I love this place but it's such a tiring rhetoric now.
OP, agree that more substantial legal advice should be sought if you can.
You are right to be concerned and it is yours and your DH business.

[OnionKnight]

When does it become the OP's business then? When the step kids move in with her because their mum has spunked all the money?

[PurplePickledPlums]

You have a problem then if she gets maintenance.....and it very much will effect you! DHs exW was awarded enough capital and then some to pay off the mortgage but she didn't. She spent it and kept the mortgage. She then applied to court for higher a maintenance amount given that, wait for it, she has a mortgage. She wasn't awarded the rise she asked for but she was awarded a rise which incensed DH beyond belief. Is it a joint lives order? Hopefully it won't be quite so bad for you both.

[FlowerPot1234]

Nothing to do with you at all except for one possible, remote reason: that she blows all the money and goes back to court and asks for more.

But all the other reasons given, especially the inheritance one (gosh how I loathe that one, tell the kids to earn their own money!) are just silly and none of your business. And for all you know, her currently loss-making business may turn the corner and make a profit and make her very well off.

[invisiblecats]

Your DH needs legal advice asap IMO

[ferrier]

@PyongyangKipperbang

Why sell the house?
She could have stayed in the house until the kids where 18 then the house sold and equity split then. Selling the house to provide just one home for one party seems a bit odd when there is a house there already.

Because the judge wanted her debts cleared at the same time.

[IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday]

OP! Could you post on the Legal board of MN? You need to find out if your DH has any legal options.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

My Lord of course it's their business , or his business rather

[TSSDNCOP]

I agree Washing it's beyond tedious, I'm also surprised no ones trotted out the not your circus line.

I think DH needs to pop back to his solicitor. He needs to fully understand what would happen if D-exW burns through the cash. It's all well and good people saying the kids will have to live with you, but what if your house isn't big enough for them to be housed on a permanent basis (like if they share a room for weekends that wouldnt be suitable full time).

It's a really big deal and I'd be bloody discussing it too.

[holdthewine]

I don't know what has happened to MN since the weekend. Such harsh responses!

It so happens OP is the second wife (is that the issue?) but I believe she is also expressing her DH's concern about how his wife's irresponsibility will affect his children. If they end up damaged, losing their home, he will be left to pick up the pieces which will affect OP.

Whether he can DO anything I doubt, except be ready to pick up those pieces. No point throwing more money at her as no doubt that would all go the same way.

[AgainPlease]

I know it's frustrating OP and I know my opinion is not very popular on MN...

Make sure she cannot come back for more money when it all runs out, though I suspect she will and I suspect your DP will have to cough up some more.

Divorce in this country is a joke. My DH lost 90% of his wealth in one fell swoop in his divorce to his grabby ex and continues to fork out monthly spousal maintenance, child support, plus private school fees - all court ordered. This is 12 years down the line from his divorce. She could easily go get a job but has no need or desire, why would you when someone else is funding your life?! And if the money ever runs out she can go back to the court and cry poor "boo hoo poor me I haven't worked for over a decade and have no one to support me waaaaaa, ExH give me more money", and the court will probably oblige.

[JayDot500]

Wait, how is this none of her business? Okay, it could be argued it's more of her DH's business than hers, but surely it's not wrong to worry?

When the money runs out we all know where Ex wife will be looking. How can the OP plan for her own security without considering the fact her stepchildren might not be as secure as one would have hoped upon the judgement given in favour of their mother. It is her business! Any given scenario where the mother cannot financially provide for their children does impact her!

I've nothing to add by way of advice, but I think it's stupid to think this OP shouldn't be concerned. Very disappointed by he majority of responses here.

[JaneEyre70]

I think you're very right to be concerned about it. She was given the money on the understanding that she was to buy a house with it. I'd get your DH to get to a solicitor for some advice, as she's not complying with the terms of the divorce in keeping a bought roof over the kids heads. She sounds a bloody nightmare. And you have every right to show concern when it's your DH and you that will be left to pick up the pieces.

[RaspberryOverload]

If the ex is spending money like this, she'll go for the easiest option for more when it runs out. And that's the OP's DH. I do think that he should be getting legal advice on what could happen.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

The CC debts were run up by her and her alone and in her name post separation.

Yes, I have read the entire transcript.

To the poster who said she may not be able to work due to the children..The judge actually rubbished that in her summing up and said given the ages of the children (15 and 17 now) the ex wife should be working FT and give up her loss making business.

I will ask DP to get some legal advice around her being able to go back and ask for more.

Thank you to the posters who have been helpful in their advice.