DH's ex wife spending divorce proceedings like water

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

Back story.. after a very long and protracted divorce (drawn out by the ex wife) and huge legal bills, my DP's ex was awarded, reluctantly by the judge ALL of the proceeds of sale of the marital home. This was in order for her to clear her CC debts she had run up and buy a house outright for her and their two children. The ex has made no effort to get a job in the 4 years since they had separated (despite the chiidrrn being in their teens) so had no mortgage raising capacity whatsoever. Although the judge criticised her for this, the priority was housing he children, and rightly so. DP kept his pension but nothing 'liquid'.

I don't have an issue with the ruling, however the marital home has finally sold, almost 18 months after the divorce was finalised, she has a substantial amount of money in the bank, but the town she lives in and wants to continue to live in is expensive. The money left is enough, just, to clear her debts and buy a modest 3 bed house outright. But she has chosen to move into an expensive rental, buy a 20k car and started booking holidays. She continues to ' work ' in her own, loss making business and has never attempted to get a real job so still can't raise a mortgage.

By our calculations, given what she has spent already she now won't have enough to buy anything. If she stays in her very nice rental for the next year she will have spent 18k on rent in a year and this will further scupper any chance she will have of buying a house for her and the kids.

My question is, does DP say anything or is it none of his business? It is his children's chance of a secure home and inheritance that is being jeopardised, then again, she is a grown woman so should he keep his mouth shut and let her make her own mistakes?

It is worth noting that she is both totally rubbish with money and obsessed with outward appearance- clothes, cars, to be seen to be doing well is very important to her.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

If she burns through the money, then it's up to her

Not if there were conditions to what she was awarded she can't.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Why isnt it fraud?
If I was your DP I'd be furious the money was being frittered away when I could have at least given some of it to the kids for uni.

[WhereTheWildThingsAre123]

Yeah, first response nailed it. @MovingOnUpMovingOnOut

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

@WhereTheWildThingsAre123 actually it is veey much the Ops DH business if awards were made with conditions attached

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

We are getting on with our lives, thank you, and are very happy. His concern is over the kids and having a secure home. And yes to whoever mentioned them coming to live with us, we would always welcome them if it ever came to that.

[ny20005]

Can dp not go back to his solicitor & tell him what she's told him ? Might go back to court

[Allthebestnamesareused]

The ruling although to allow her to clear her debt and rehouse herself and the children would not have specified that had to be the case.

I assume there is no ongoing obligation to maintain her (by way of spousal maintenance) but purely maintenance for the children. In the circumstances galling as it must be there is nothing you can do.

Just ensure you provide a stable and loving relationship for the kids when they are with you.

[Daydreamerbynight]

So if the DC become homeless due to their Mother's spending habits, its got nothing to do with the OP or her DP

[Peanutbutterrules]

Again...check it's a clean break so you won't have to clean this up.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

The ruling although to allow her to clear her debt and rehouse herself and the children would not have specified that had to be the case.

It could have done.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

No she gets 'global' maintenance payments which are a combination of child and spousal until youngest is 18.

[NinonDeLenclos]

It's highly relevant to the OP & DP as if ex runs out of money the children may well be coming to live with them.

[thatdearoctopus]

God, here we go again on MN, with the ex-wife doing no wrong and the new wife being a busybody showing concern for her step-children. Why on earth shouldn't the OP have an opinion on this? She's human after all, and if her dscs are impoverished, it will impact on her through them.

Back off with the misplaced judging.

[NinonDeLenclos]

Xpost Daydreamer - quite.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

No she gets 'global' maintenance payments which are a combination of child and spousal until youngest is 18.

In that case I would be speaking to a solicitor before she tries to apply to vary it.

[Viviennemary]

Of course your DP should be concerned. Because it will affect his children. I agree she'll be back looking for more money. But it's probably better that you keep out of it and let him deal with it.

[EamonnWright]

It's all well and good telling the OP to mind her business and her fella to mind his but it must be a nightmare to watch the money from the sale of his house being pished away. They will also likely pick up the slack when she's finished spending it and hasn't even enough to put the kids through their driving tests when they're older for example.

[LynetteScavo]

Of course it's the OP and her DHs business if his children's mother may not be able to house them in the future.

Unfortunately I don't think your DH saying anything to her will make any difference what do ever. Could he ask a third party to offer some advice regarding buying a house before she's unable to?

[LazyDailyMailJournos]

Echoing the advice that your DH needs to check the terms of the settlement to ensure it is a clean break. Otherwise it's likely that he will be hearing from her again in the future when she runs out of money and cannot afford to pay her rent.

[WhereTheWildThingsAre123]

@PigletWasPoohsFriend I think DP very much would be justified in being angry and upset about it but the settlement was awarded and that's that. I would think that, if it's been a long drawn out process so far already, ex wife should be left to get on with it. Clean break, let children move on to some normality, even if it is only provided by OP and her partner.

[TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville]

By 'vary' you mean apply to increase her payments? Is that possible? I think it was a clean break ruling so doesn't this mean she can't apply for more?

[bengalcat]

If I were him I'd be getting some legal advice on what do do when her money runs out - if she's renting rather than bought outright there is still potentially a future problem re a roof over the heads of the kids until 18 and if they go into further education and also if the express
Desire of the judge was to award all the proceeds with the intention of buying a property outright which doesn't appear to have happens that leaves a vulnerability in that his ex may well come looking for more and 'reasonable or not ' she and her lawyers will find an excuse to bleed more funds out of him

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I would contact your dps lawyer pronto and ask if there is anything you can do as she is failing to comply with the judgment of the court. The most sensible thing would be to get a house in trust with the money that she could live in.

[feebeecat]

I'd be very concerned. What happens when the money runs out? Who is she expecting to bail her out then? And what happens to the children? Yes, they could go and live with their father, but while their mum is out on the street?
Is he on speaking terms, could he ask what her long term plans are - assuming she has any. My sil was a very similar character, couldn't tell her anything. She ended up moving back in with her mum when she'd finished going through all the money. Then she wasn't happy at having to share a room with dc. But then neither were they