Rogue friend has gone manic

[MoiraRosesMeltdown]

I have a friend whose behaviour and attitude are really bothering me. I used to really enjoy her company but now I find myself increasingly irritated.

She never compliments anyone, but shows people her new clothes, decor and cars as if she's expecting praise. She's become very self absorbed and talks about work all the time. She's had a promotion and her Facebook page is full of pictures of her at her desk looking senior.
She also said recently that my job (I've done for almost 10 years) is a great entry level position. I felt extremely patronised. She said she'd never be a single parent (I am), She said she wished I could find a kind man like her husband (don't want or need a man. Her husband is serially unfaithful), and everything I mention is responded with something about her.
"That's why I bought a BMW", "My friend's son went to your DD's school and they all thought it was awful", "I am very disciplined" and the classic "I don't mind when people don't fancy me".

She used to be lovely, thoughtful, understanding and kind. She now feels shallow and superficial.
I'm trying to cut her out, but I'm worried that something is wrong. She has never been the kind of person who says anything negative about herself or her life so I have no way of knowing.

AIBU to just avoid her?

Sounds to me that she is trying to convince herself that everything is rosie and overcompensate for having an unhappy relationship with an unfaithful husband (she probably REALLY minds that he doesn't fancy her) by focussing on the material things and career that she does have.

If she has been a good friend to you in the past, you might kindly point out to her how rubbish all this boasting makes you feel, and ask her if there is anything she wants to talk about. If she doesn't improve , then drift away gently.

If everyone else in your industry knows, and he is routinely sleazing about, then the chances are she is aware at some level. Maybe she is desperately trying to ignore her gut instincts?!?

Could you ask her nicely next time she makes one of these type of comments?

"Why are you being unkind? You never used to be, are you ok?"

In the end you may need to step back but it does sound like she's very unhappy though, poor woman. . It would be nice to help if you can.

If you want to stay friends and think there's hope for her to stop being so awful towards you and rude, raise it with her, or end the friendship and tell her why, or not if you don't think she'd be receptive.

Yes, YABU to refer to her unpleasant behaviour as "manic". mental health prejudice.

She has a predatory, serially unfaithful husband and people are suggesting how you could best damage her already fragile self esteem? Wow. I'm genuinely horrified.

She used to be lovely, thoughtful, understanding and kind. I would be incredibly worried about a friend of mine who changed out of all recognition like this. You can cut her out, that's fine. But if you are going to, why not have an actual conversation with her about it first. Nothing to lose, right?

I agree with MrsTerry, just ask her if everything's ok and take it from there. If she says it is, then gently point out that her behaviour seems to have changed lately and she's said a few hurtful things to you, which is out of character. If she denies this then you can either press her further or continue to cut her out, but at least you'll know you tried and so will she.

So this woman is your friend, you know her husband has been cheating on her & you haven't told her?

Nike I wish I was as quick thinking as you!

Sadly if I was put on the spot I'd probably be apologising for my terrible job, school choice & car!

Since you have been friends with her for a while, I agree with those who suggest gently talking to her, say that she doesn't seem quite her old self, ask if things are OK. Give it a shot. Try being a real friend.

If it doesn't work you can still create distance in the relationship. No need to feel like a punching bag for someone's low self esteem. It just seems like the high road to try to talk to her first.

Give it some space, and if she does carry on like this I'd call her on it with a 'why would you say that? I didn't choose to be a single parent, how do you think that makes me feel?' type language. It might give her pause for thought. and if she doesn't change, might be time to let that one go...

I think she sounds unhappy. Not justifying her being unkind, I think you should speak to her about it. If one of my friends knew my husband was being unfaithful I would really want them to tell me.

Yes, YABU for describing this behaviour as 'manic'.

People who are manic have a very serious mental health condition which they'll probably have for life and leads to many suicides.

Your friend, however, has the diagnosis of 'arrogant arsehole-itis'.

Not to be confused.

She used to be lovely, thoughtful, understanding and kind.

Did she? I had a friend like this and thought "you used to be so nice" when she started becoming a brag who puts others down.

I then realised I only didn't know her so well when she was fun. I mistook the honeymoon period of early-ish acquaintance for normality. I mostly avoid her now. She is on the third set of "friends" to be fun with, but it looks like it is coming to an end, so the fourth set will come in no doubt

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn Unfortunately his behaviour was established well before I knew her. I am not a confidante of hers so I've never been sure how to broach it. I suspect she knows. We have a mutual close friend who I hoped would tell her before they married. I didn't know her well enough to say then, and wasn't at the wedding. It's been going on for 19 years.