To think sometimes there's a difference between woman's work and practicality

[mumofddds]

Husband and I both work, he works extremely long hours in a night shift job, he's the manager though so has some control on days off, I've just gone back to work- I do a 40 hour week but condensed hours ( 3 12 hour days and a 4 hour), hubby takes the children 2 days a week while I'm working as that's often his days off, I have the boys 3.5 they're in nursery the other 2.5. He does 90% of the cooking now. I do more cleaning but that comes down to having different standards he does tidy and laundry but I like near show room standards so do more of the deep clean stuff. Anyway when it came time for me to get a job I was the one who took charge over finding the nursery and settling in days, the reason I took charge was because due to my husbands hours all nursery drop offs/picks up will fall to me therefore it was more practical as I knew the area a lot better the hubby, and would be the one needing to factor in travel times ect... anyway I was talking to a friend about nurseries etc and she was absolutely horrified and started going on about how it contradicts all my feminist views etc etc- but aibu in thinking that a) he does a lot anyway so it's not like he views children/housework as woman's work and b) it was just more practical for me to take control. Husband would of been more then happy to help out, and did view my top pick. He would also happily swap roles however he's in a very good position right now, and probably wouldn't find a team as good as his current one and wouldn't make the same money elsewhere so I don't really want him to.

Sounds like you work as a team to me

Most people run realtionships in a reasonably traditional way but with more balance.

It is only on MN where a SAHP is encouraged to lounge about all day over seeing the offspring, whilst the partner is doing 14 hour days THEN expected to come home, wave the bog brush, clean the window, hand bake artisan bread and cook 3 course meals from scratch as part of his 50% contribution to the home. The SAHP's 50% contribution being 'parenting'

YANBU
You have split the work as it suits you.

Being feminist doesn't mean refusing to do anything that's seen as womens work, surely!

I think sometimes its absolutly fine if the SAHM parent only does does parenting and it can be harder than going out to work....EBF newborn with reflux or twin toddlers that don't nap well etc.

I think/hope IRL though there is usually more give and take and the SAHP does do a bit of housework. With 1 toddler that naps well i can usually do a load of washing and maybe a bit of hoovering. Or i can stick him in the pushchair and do a few errands but I rarely start on dinner as he gets tired and clingy late afternoon.

My husband works shifts too. Most of the organising of children falls to me as it fits around my work pattern. It can't fit around his as his is erratic. However he is often at home in the week without the children so most of the hoovering, laundry, cleaning etc falls to him as it's easier for him to do. The 'wifework' is pretty evenly split between us based on what is more convenient for us both. That's how it should be. That is the feminist way. It doesn't mean the man has to do everything.