To be at my wit's end (son losing things)

[runningandjumping]

My son is very distracted and loses his things all the time. Two weeks into the new term, and he has already lost a few things including a brand new coat! We tri d tous deduce the cost of the lost things from his pocket money and make him do extra chores at home but nothing worked. Did anyone have the same problem and manage to solve it?

How old is he? Quite different remedies for teens and 4 year olds...

More effective punishment. If he lost the item at school then ban screen time til he finds it.

If he lost it at the school why hasn't it turned up yet, it would be in lost property, my son 'lost' his new school jumper two days into the new term last year, he told me he left it on his chair, I approached the school and was told it would "turn up", it never did, that really annoyed me more than my son leaving it on a chair, children can be taught responsibility but we all lose things and for it not to turn up suggests someone else found it and 'stole' it rather than hand it in, I wouldn't punish my son, I would try to find out why items are lost at school and don't turn up.

Is it a working memory ADD type issue? I feel your pain. My daughter is in junior school and she has her name written on everything both inside and outside. The outside was because parents at her last school used to steal other children's school uniform - they openly admitted it. You can't do that with their name Sharpied on the outside. The by product of that was that things tend not to get lost at school either.

But I've not found a solution to the actual losing yet. Punishment would be unfair. She can't help it.

She does have a list of stuff written on her book bag that she needs to remember to bring out of school. When she remembers to pick up the book bag.

My son is 13, and he lost a few things on the bus and at school - some things turned up in school again but never the ones forgotten on the bus!

Does he have a bag big enough to put everything in so nothing is left lying around on the bus? My daughter is only 7 but we've lost around 10 items to buses and Butlins last year because she takes them off, doesn't tell me and I don't see them getting off the bus despite checking. I'm going to have the same problem as you in a few years.

Replace with unattractive stuff. Tesco Brick phone instead of smart phone for instance, rucksack from charity shop. Nope, no phone credit this week and packed lunch, we need to re-coup £20 for a coat from George.

Aged 13, he might also love being frogmarched into school by mummy to search lost property.

My son (12) is like this. Always has been. Punishments don't work. He doesn't do it deliberately. His new school has lockers which would help but he's been there 3 weeks now and hasn't remembered to use it yet.
I'm sure it's an ADD type issue but have been written off as a neurotic mother when I've tried this route. Teachers/school support staff over the years have all agreed but when approached to put it in writing backtrack and say it's fine so they don't have to commit to it.

He sounds just like my son who is dyspraxic, he loses stuff all the time but it's not carelessness, it's just part of being dyspraxic. Does your son have any additional needs?

My DS is This age and has got better since I went nuclear about it at regular intervals and also deducted money to replace stuff. It's about thinking, taking responsibility and not just mindlessly leaving your possessions everywhere. Yes I have been harsh on him but I can't afford to keep replacing high school pe kits etc. It's worked for me.

Nothing worked until it became clear losing is stressful and inconvenient for him most of all. (Made to go back to search, no raincoat for a month, embarrassing phone, PE kit in a fetching ASDA carrier bag, plimsolls instead of trainers...) Very few "habitual" stuff losers actually lose their iPhone, so they can concentrate if it is important to them. Make it important.

My ds was like this and I regret to say, still is, aged 25. He just loses and breaks things and has little regard for possessions.

Buy cheap, leave without where possible and weep quietly.

Mathilda, this is depressing!

My daughter was like this, too. I used to have her gloves, hat and scarf all on elastic attached to her coat - but admittedly not much good if the coat gets lost too.

I just bought cheap clothing for her. She sort of grew out of it but she's still a bit like it.

Teach him a habit of checking.

"Always look behind you when you leave"

I've been chanting that since they were toddlers.

Si think you need to first be sure that he is genuinely losing stuff and not having it taken from him.

Teach him a habit of checking. Always look behind you when you leave"I've been chanting that since they were toddlers.

This ^

I used to lose stuff as a kid and mum would never let me take anything nice out of the house. So I learnt to check behind me whenever I got up to leave anywhere, my kids do this automatically and rarely lose anything.

My ds was always losing stuff as a teen. Homework which got him in big trouble. PE stuff ..everything. Eventually he was diagnosed with dyspraxia. He is good at sport and do not picked up until later..
He is at university now and faring well. But still has a tendency to mislay stuff. Part of the difficulty is looking but not actually seeing the thing. He doesnt see the wood for the trees. It was actually quite distressful for him so punishing him only made him more anxious. But it is frustrating. In his school other students boldly wore your labelled gear if left around too.