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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed that a teacher gave out sweets as a reward

48 replies

NoRoomForALittleOne · 18/09/2017 20:31

DD1 (10yo) has just told me all about a maths race-style quiz that she did today at school. She is extremely good at maths so she loved the challenge and won with a clear 5 minute margin (I hate to think how other children may have felt making maths in to a competition but that is another thread). Anyway, before they started the race, they were told that the fastest of each of the three groups would be given a sweet. Not sure exactly healthy but not terrible practice.

However... DD1 is the top of her year group in maths and is especially quick with mental arithmetic. It wasn't a surprise that she won. The problem I have is that she has type one diabetes. She can't have the sweet. It was her regular teacher who knows that she can't have sweets.

I know that DD1 would have loved the race and simply enjoyed winning without a prize. But I also know how disappointed she was that she couldn't have the prize. I'm even more annoyed that they haven't told me that they use sweets as prizes in school. I could easily have given them some small chocolates that she could have if they had told me. I don't even expect them to buy her something different.

She hates feeling 'different' because of her diabetes and is increasingly self conscious about it. I don't think it's very inclusive behaviour. They wouldn't be offering nuts as prizes if they had a child with a nut allergy in the class. So why offer sweets with a type one diabetic in the class?

Am I being precious about it? AIBU to be annoyed that they are giving out sweets as prizes?

OP posts:

Blackcatonthesofa · 18/09/2017 21:19

There is a difference between a hypo that you need to treat and being a bit low. 4.5 is not a hypo but might not cause a hyper if she eats just one sweet.

It is however your child so your call but most doctors and diabetic nurses over here advocate that children should have a sweet or cookie sometimes. That is because if they get in a atubborn phase they might overdose on 'forbidden' foods if they really never have them. So I still think that a diabetic child can be given one sweet.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2017 21:20

really to buy a pack of sweets specifically for your child (or the chocs you said she can have) wouldn't break the school budget.

The teacher would have bought them themselves, not the school.

BubbleAnimal · 18/09/2017 21:26

The teacher should have been aware, I use sweets/chocolate in fun maths at the end of term - but I always check with students who are vegetarian, dairy free, diabetic, and make sure they have something that suits them and their needs. I'm presuming your dds teacher is aware of her type 1, in which case she should have planned better.

chitofftheshovel · 18/09/2017 21:27

Actually I get annoyed at the school giving out sweets as prizes full stop. It is a "healthy" school, we are dictated to about what we're allowed and not allowed to put in lunch boxes and then they get to give out sweets. So it's ok for them to decide when my child gets a sweet during the school day but not me who knows what the rest of her diet is like.

converseandjeans · 18/09/2017 21:27

I read the first part thinking you were being OTT. However I sometimes do sweets at Christmas to demonstrate a tradition & we have lots of Muslim students and so I always buy a mix of choc and haribos. For sweets sales I also do the same thing and make sure there is an option for everyone. Maybe mention it to the teacher as a joke - they may have totally forgotten to take it into account. Yes it could be helpful to buy some chocs that you know DD can eat??

goose1964 · 18/09/2017 21:30

Could she not have been given it to use in case of hypo?

Acopyofacopy · 18/09/2017 21:33

I would definitely raise it with the teacher and suggest non-food alternatives.

Treats like that will be paid for by the teacher, so it would probably go down well if you provided some nice stickers, rubbers, etc. as an alternative.

Witchend · 18/09/2017 21:42

Can't we just say: How kind that the teacher had brought prizes for the children.

If you go in and complain the result will be that they don't bother with prizes.

And if they bring something else another time maybe a different parent will complain about something different.

My dbro was majorly allergic to artificial colours which in those days almost all sweets had (dm used to soak the colours off smarties for a treat) and was used to refusing from a young age as a sweet could have literally killed him (gave him asthma attacks). He'd have come home and told dm, who would have offered him a piece of chocolate and neither of them would have worried further.

Olivo · 18/09/2017 21:45

TrIcky one, and I speak as a teacher! My DDs can't have most sweets ( choice, not medical, we are veggie) but have been encouraged to bring them home ( from parties, school etc) and swap them for something they are allowed, usually chocolate buttons! One lovely TA went out and Bought a whole bag of veggie marshmallows as she was mortified when DD was asked to construct something from normal marshmallows and DD was the only one not o eat them. Above and beyond!

Original poster

NoRoomForALittleOne · 18/09/2017 22:00

I've tried teaching her to graciously accept something and bring it home so that I can swap it but she finds it intensely wrong accepting something that she cannot have (spectrum issues). I will buy her some pencils/erasers/hair bobbles as prizes to give her at home so that I don't give cause for complaint from another parent.

OP posts:

wwwwwwwwwwwwww · 18/09/2017 22:43

I suggest you leave some small rewards for your daughter with the teacher. It will avoid the situation in future.

piefacedClique · 19/09/2017 08:58

Yabu. Maybe the teacher was just trying to do something and nice and didn't think while they were rushing to pick something up out if their own money. Maybe they have 101 other things to think about (and that's just in school - let alone their home life) and in this instance forgot. Maybe it was a slur of the moment idea to motivate someone who wasn't as skilled at maths but who they knew would work had for a physical reward (sweets) as opposed to a house point or a sticker on wall. The teacher would probably feel mortified that your dd felt like that and will probably kick herself for trying to be nice and maybe not do it again now so as not offend anyone. Sometimes people forget and sometimes people need to understand that mistakes happen. If it was a deliberate slight you would be fine to be upset but seeing as it was probably an oversight I'm sure your dd will understand that that will happen and is likely to happen even more when she's in secondary school. It's fine to give something to a primary teacher for just in case moments as many parents in my ds's school do but as teachers in comps who teach 150+ children there will be more of this to come and it's unlikely you would give 'just in case' sweets to every one of those members of staff. I'm sure if your dd had quietly reminded their teacher at the end they would have sorted out a different, more suitable reward.

piefacedClique · 19/09/2017 09:10

Just rtft and had missed the asd section so dd less likely to just accept the reward and say later on but still it was probably a genuine oversight from the teacher.

steppemum · 19/09/2017 09:28

when I read your title I eyed rollled and though pfb.

But having read your post I think you are not being unreasonable.

Teacher could have a small pack of the safe chocs in her desk drawer and use them whenever needed, surely they keep for ages.
I am guessing it was a spur of the moment decision to grab a bag of sweets and it wasn't til she realised your dd would win, that she probably went Oh crap, shoudl have anticipated that.

I woudln't give her a hard time, but I would off a multi pack of long lasting whatevers to use as prizes to keep at school.

steppemum · 19/09/2017 09:31

as to why the teacher uses sweets instead of rubbers/pencils etc.

simple - it is a price difference.
One bag of sweets enough for whole class is the same as about 3 pencils.

BruceAndNoush · 19/09/2017 09:39

@spangleknickers Wow. Did you inform the non-halal parents that you were giving their children halal sweets? I hope so as I would not have given you permission for that.

Oblomov17 · 19/09/2017 09:46

I too think the best idea is for you to give the teacher a few treats: rubbers/hair bobbles etc.
Yes teacher was a bit
But in this day and age, with budgets so tight, a teacher buying kids sweets is to be encouraged. Or else she stops buying and no one gets a sweet?
And yes, I was your dd, years ago - t1.

steppemum · 19/09/2017 09:47

Bruce - halal sweets are not usually special sweets, they are ordinary sweets that do not contain gelatin, or renet, (or dairy?) which are sourced from animals. Strict vegetarians would also eat same sweets.

so it is simply chosing haribo, rather than chocolate buttons (although i thought haribo did contain gelatin?)

user789653241 · 19/09/2017 09:56

Oh this happened to my ds so many times over the years, he isn't diabetic, but has multiple food allergy. Most of sweets are off limits for him. It's annoying but my ds seems to not care so much. He always says he gave it to XX, etc.

DarceyBusselsNose · 19/09/2017 09:58

Only on MN is someone doing something nice a cause for concern and mock outrage.

BruceAndNoush · 19/09/2017 10:01

@steppemum ah ok that makes sense, thank you.

@Darcey was that aimed at me or OP?

spaghettithrower · 19/09/2017 10:09

Just mention it to the teacher and offer to bring in something she can have. Or could your daughter accept the sweet and then give it to a friend instead of eating it herself. There are going to be lots of occasions in life when she is offered things she is not able to eat.

I am very surprised that the school is giving out sweets at all. I taught in 4 different primary schools and sweets were a no-go in all of them. Prizes were stickers, pencils, rubbers etc and we paid for themselves - no room in the school budget for luxuries like that.

Buck3t · 19/09/2017 11:27

Like shovel I don't agree with sweets as prizes. In the same way I can't take my child out of school when I see fit, but they can have them watching DVDs with no educational merit whatsoever that I haven't approved.

I see no reason why rewarding with food should be seen as a good thing, especially if they dictate what can go in a lunchbox.

However, in this case it's even worse. Yanbu

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