Was this poorly handled or am I being over protective?

[RainbowSparkles]

DD (10)yr6 has been having some issues with another girl in her year. The girl has been saying nasty things behind her back, giving her funny looks and being too rough when playing games eg grabbing DD so tight it bruises or shoving her over when playing IT.
I encouraged DD to speak to her teacher, who then told DD to go and ask the girl if she had been saying things about her. DD did this and the girl said she had so DD went back to her teacher and told her. The teachers response was well you either put up with it/ignore it and keep playing with her or stop playing with her.
AIBU to think the teacher should of at least spoken to the girl and try to get to the bottom of things?

Definitely poorly handled!

Yabu (sorry). This is more than a minor one-off squabble, so you should have dealt with it yourself instead of getting dd to speak to the teacher. That was your job.

Star, working as a TA in a school I know I should not be handling this myself, How would you like a parent speaking to your child about these kind of issues.
This has been happening for 2 weeks so not a one off, I feel that just by talking to the girl it would hopefully put an end to it.
I also feel that the teacher is saying to my daughter that she isn't interested and she doesn't care.

Rainbow, as you are a TA I am amazed you could interpret my response as advising you should have taken it up with the girl yourself! Who does that?!

Obviously it's taking it up with the teacher yourself. Not getting your dd to speak to the teacher herself. There are some things you can encourage a child to handle themselves but this is more (as I said) than a one-off squabble so, as your dd's parent and advocate and a TA to boot, I am very surprised you didn't think to approach the teacher for a chat about the situation yourself.

In short, speak to the teacher. Surely as a TA you've sat in on many a parent/teacher chat about troubles in class and know more than most how to handle such a meeting, and what you would like to see out of it from the teacher and the school??

Yanbu. And by yr 6 children should absolutely be encouraged to speak to the teacher themselves.

Star my apologies I have a few things going on at the moment and I'm not thinking clearly.
I thought that being 10 and yr 6 it was encouraged to teach your children to be more independent.
So I wouldn't be overreacting to go in myself? You are right it is my job to protect my dds.

I should add I work in an infant school so this kind of issue doesn't come up often.

yes I think if it is getting physical rather than he said she said you need to go in. After twice raising it with a teacher I went straight to the head when DD was 10 and we had some issues.

Of course your 10 yr old should be encouraged to speak with the teacher herself! I am amazed a parent would think it necessary to intervene without having let DD try first. It would be a bit different if this was very young children but at 10 surely they should be starting to resolve problems themselves by going to a teacher etc.

Definitely poorly handled by the Teacher though and probably now time for you to get involved. I think you did the right thing encouraging your DD to speak with teacher herself just a shame the teacher couldn't be bothered.

Rainbow no worries I think it is definitely something you can and should approach yourself with the teacher given the length and content of the situation.

I'd start off very nice. Get the teacher on your side. Assume he/she is a professional and they want to help. Maybe your dd did not fully explain the situation to the teacher; maybe she picked a moment when the teacher was busy and distracted so wasn't able to fully appreciate what your dd was telling her. Maybe she looked like she was ok and teacher thought it was a storm in a teacup. Put the facts to teacher and ask them what they can do to manage the situation. I would avoid starting by saying that you feel teacher has been ineffective in what she said to dd. You can always say that at a later stage but for now, go in fresh and with the mindset that the teacher will help resolve it.

Thank you for all your replys, I will make an appointment for after school tomorrow hopefully get it sorted quickly.