Question about a will

[disinheritingyourchildren]

Due to the sensitive nature of this question I have name changed. It's not an aibu but I would like others opinions and perspectives on this.
Just to set the scene and avoid drip feeding...
My father left my mother for another woman when I was 16 and married her when I was 18. OW had 2 children and my dad had me and my db. My father has or will have 2 pensions, half the equity in a 4 bedroom house in the south, a life insurance pay out, a car and some other minor assets.
My father is sadly dying and probably only has months to live. He told me recently that his will states everything is being left to his wife and when she dies will be split 4 ways between us 4 children.
I expected that he would leave everything to his wife tbh, the only thing I thought he might leave us was the payout from one of his pensions as it was a career he had while we were children and well before he met his wife. Anyway I'm not upset either way and don't actually expect to get anything when his wife dies either as it will likely be spent on care or she might change the will in favour of her own children.
I happened to mention this to my mum who is absolutely furious for us and said that's he's disinherited us and it's disgusting etc etc. (We're in Scotland and my dad is in England which might explain the difference in attitudes towards wills).
So my question is do I pre warn my brother incase he has the same attitude as my mum - I don't want there to be any scenes at a later date? Also is my mum being unreasonable? Are her feelings towards my dad clouding her judgement? She thinks he's showing his children a complete disregard.

In Scotland you can not leave your children out of the the will. The solicitor drawing up you dads will should point this out to him, ours certainly did
The spouse has a claim of prior right iefirst claim on the estate then theres the legal rights
As said above its the moveable estate ie not house or land but whats in the bank etc.
It goes something like
the spouse part ( so wife or husband entitled to one third of moveable estate)
The bairns part ( one third of moveable estate divided between all the children)
The deids part( they can leave this to anyone)

As I understand it when your stepmother dies you have no claim on any of her estate by law, only if she has written a will naming you as beneficiary.

www.gov.scot/Publications/2005/12/05115128/51285

OP's father lives in England ratspeaker, so none of that applies.

I think your dad thinks more of OW kids than his own, they have had years of him (however long) and more after he has gone.?

You sound very level headed OP. I'd be taking a backseat now.

Having seen similar threads to this on MN before I'm glad you're not getting the gold digger or 'how can you be talking about this when s/he's not even dead yet' replies that several others have had.
You're obviously being very dignified about this but then again I wouldn't blame anyone for being a bit frustrated, if they were, by a situation like this. I don't think anyone's children should be labeled 'entitled' by hoping to be included in a parent's will (there's exceptions like the Ilot case but your father has expressed a wish that you and your brother receive something so it's different).

FWIW my father remarried after my mother died and his new wife, quite rightly, inherited his estate. A man has a duty to care and provide for his spouse.

I like my step mother, I know exactly where the residual estate is going (Its not coming my way or my step sisters! its going to her very spoilt and indulged grand daughter!) It's a bummer but she did take the burden of care from my shoulders. It doesnt unduly bother me. She loved him and he loved her dearly. She made his last 5 years very happy and that was worth all the money in the world.

Actaully my step mother didnt want to get married. My dad insisted as he had a very handsome pension and he thought someone should make proper use of it after he died!

As I understand it even if your dad made a valid will under Scots law you and your brother can make a claim on the moveable estate.

Sorry, I read it that they were in Scotland.
Just ignore me

I was like your DM when my ExH died and my DCs were not even mentioned by name in his will. Everything went to his new DW apart from a small part of a French property that he was legally obliged to leave to his 'descendants'. Ex's widow has now sold joint property and used it to buy a house for her DS, gone on spending spree buying cruises and holidays, given away all the other valuable assets like cars to friends and her family. Nothing for my DDs. The cherry on the cake was that my DD1 had to organise and pay for her DFs funeral because his widow was too distraught to cope.

My DDs are hurt they weren't even mentioned by their DF, but are philosophical about the rest.

All I can do is make extra sure my own arrangements look after my DDs after I'm not around. And yes, they are specifically mentioned in my will. My DHs will does the same for his DCs too as he was also unimpressed by the way my ex left things.

Your dad has disinherited you and I would be heartbroken in your place. Not for the money just for the dismissal. He's not being unreasonable as he can leave stuff to who he wants but I'm shocked that he can't see it would hurt his children to be ignored in his will.

If he really wants you to have a quarter it should be left in trust so his wife can remain in the house whilst alive but it would be shared on her death- this would also stop her spending it on crap.

He may well have disinherited you, because she isn't obligated to leave you anything. But that's his and then her choice. Your mum really needs to stay out of it

Hold on, it doesnt sound like he wants to dis inherit them at all! It sounds like he is trusting his current wife to share it all out - we know - that usually doesnt happen in real hard nasty life.

It happens all the time the dad re marries and fucks over the first children he brought into this world!

Op I would make it clear its unlikey you will see anything unless he has actually properly legally ring fenced anything for you.

MrsTP was it humerous cow what is an Heirloom?

When my grandparents died they left a little something for all their grandchildren - we were named in the will. My parents got most of the money from which they generously gave to us all - but it's the fact that we were named and down to get something (much smaller) that means something to me. I like the fact that they must have thought about us all when they were writing it.

Very sad if your dad doesn't think of you at all. He could at least leave you a token amount or keepsakes. Yes perhaps it's natural to leave the majority to to the new wife but as you are not her children it means you will never get a mention from him even after she dies (which you probably would if he were still married to your mother), even if she does stick to the bargain and mention you in her will.

Very sad if your dad doesn't think of you at all.

^^ sadly people leave things open to what ifs...Oh so and so will share it out....

I have even read on here about a man - previous family, assumed his share would eventually pass to his children after his death and wifes death, on wifes death bed HER children got her to change the will to leave it all to THEM, so original dc cut out.

why do MEN do this? Every woman I know is tiger like about protecting house in divorce for the dc...or any assets for THEIR dc!

I am not talking about families where there is a genuine fal;l out and people dont want to leave their children their money - its when they do - but make weak lassiez faire too trusting arrangements about it!

I have even read on here about a man - previous family, assumed his share would eventually pass to his children after his death and wifes death, on wifes death bed HER children got her to change the will to leave it all to THEM, so original dc cut out.

I remember that thread clearly as well, very sad

Hold on, it doesnt sound like he wants to dis inherit them at all! It sounds like he is trusting his current wife to share it all out - we know - that usually doesnt happen in real hard nasty life

He knows that too though. If he wanted to leave stuff to his children he could do so, easily, but he has chosen not to. Of course he is disinheriting them.

My dh has just said he thinks my mum is right about my dads will, now I just feel sad and that maybe we don't matter all that much to him after all. Anyway I won't say a word to my dad, I don't want to ruin the time we have now and I would only want something he wanted to leave me iyswim

I think you seem very grounded, and realistic. And previous posters who have suggested, given you know how ill your dad is, asking for personal keepsakes, is a really good idea.
I come at this from 2 places: my h left 3 years ago for OW Who he has now married. I know he's changed his will to benefit her, rather than our 2 children. It's up to him what he does with what he leaves, it's his to leave. I know that. However, my totally unreasonable emotional side says he left in difficult circumstances, he lied, the usual OW story, and we were married for yonks, we built up that money, we worked for it and planned for it so our children should get a look in, not just her (and her children, ultimately). It would be fair to give ours something.

The second place is, he's been disrespectful of the children's needs since leaving, completely obsessed with OW, the children don't get a look in, in terms of his attention, his time etc etc. And I am really angry at what he's done, how he's done it and the damage he's caused, as well as at his lack of awareness of any of that, because he's so in luuurve with OW
So I can imagine, in these circumstances, I'd have a lot of feelings stirred up and rushing around me and that just maybe, some of the anger that I felt over old stuff, over what I see as injustices, might leak out a bit. I am feeling for your mum here, but also for you, because I wonder if her split from your dad isn't resolved in her, and I fear you may be in for a tempestuous time, as she is able to talk to and confide in you.
I think you know your brother, and you know your relationship. I would encourage my children to talk to each other for mutual support, but what I am saying to you, is that you seem lovely, and understanding, and empathic. If I am right, you might need somewhere to get support over the next few months, because I don't thnk your dads passing is going to be easy for you or your mum.
Take care of you, is my message I think.

depends on how much money is involved, leavin it all to his wife might be better from an inheritane tax pov

What he would be able to leave (taking aside the house) would come under the inheritance tax threshold.

I'm going to try and put it out of my mind now as it won't do me any good wondering about it and I don't want to resent my dad.

Thanks everyone

The ony thing you can say is that if his wife dies 15-20 years down the line she may have a very different view of honouring his wishes and that he can never know what she will do when the time comes.

Maybe money ends up with grandchildren. I dont think he is disinheriting you, he just has blind faith in his wife.

I'm in Scotland and have to side with your mum. I think you and your brother are entitled to something actually. Speak to your dad and brother...

They aren't entitled to anything, that's the point.

I haven't read through all of the replies in this thread yet so forgive me if this point has already been discussed.

But while I think it is morally (and probably legally) correct that he can leave his assets to whom he chooses, the pension accrued during his marriage to your DM would surely (at least in part) ho to your DM - Notwithstanding any divorce settlement agreed at the time.

It's probably worth speaking to your DM (and maybe a lawyer) about this. I noticed that you mentioned the army as a first career. Definitely speak to the AFPS pension people. I only speak from personal experience of friends, but usually on divorce, half the armed forces pension (for the time you were married) is awarded to the spouse (unless negotiated away in divorce settlement) and payable upon the spouse's pension age.

Most importantly, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. My advice is to spend as much time with him now while you can. But a few email enquiries on the side to know you position can't hurt - just don't make it the he all and end all.

As for telling your brother, sorry I can't really help. Is he likely to react very badly? Will it spoil the remaining time with his dad? Is he relying on the inheritance? Personally, I don't think it's your responsibility to handle this. I know that's not particularly helpful, but I'd thought I'd reply rather than reading and running.

forcespensionsociety.org
Might not be the greatest of help if not. Member, but a good starting point to other open sources.

So sorry about your dad Yes I think you should warn you brother and if I'm honest say something to your dad. Maybe he's confused. He almost certainly has disinherited you and I can understand why your mum is so sad about it. I'm sure he loves you very much.