School not informing of incident

[msannabella]

Hi,
Just wanted to find out if AIBU from those with more experience of school matters.

My 5 year old ds has just started primary 1 (in Scotland so no reception class) He has been in 3 weeks and on Friday evening he told me about an incident in school where a primary 3 boy shut him in the toilets and wouldn't let ds leave unless he knew the password. The boy threw wrappers and things from the bin on ds and when ds tried to get out his fingers were trapped in the door. He told the supervisors and got taken to office to ice fingers.

My AIBU is that I would have expected to be told about this, I'm not expecting phone calls or anything stupid, I know they are busy and it's not a big injury, but a note or something mentioned at pick up would have been good. (We even spoke to his teacher and she didn't mention anything) Ds has been subdued and I think it scared him a bit.

Am I still in nursery mode where something like this would have been told to me, should I speak to the teacher to find out more about the incident or should I let it lie because it wasn't deliberately aimed at ds, he just happened to be the boy it happened to and assume the school has dealt with it?

Sorry if it's too long!

YANBU. If your child is hurt and has any kind of treatment, eg. the ice, then you should be informed. I would also expect to be informed due to him being upset about it, even if he hadn't been hurt.

You should be informed and the school should reassure you that they are taking steps to ensure this bullying will not continue.

When DS was in Reception another child bust his nose (punched him) and the school called us immediately. They took it very seriously and it has never happened again. I'd be very unhappy if they'd brushed it under the carpet.

Thank you all. Appreciate the help. Will be talking to the teacher about it this afternoon. So hard to know what is the correct way to deal with things when you haven't done it before. I don't want to be seen as the troublemaker mum but it just doesn't sit right with me.

floella funnily enough, his little friend got hit in the face by another p1 and all she got was a handwritten note saying she'd been to nurse, yours sounds like a good school to deal with it so quickly and well!

Poor DS sprayed the walls with blood every time he sneezed for a week, they'd have been hard pressed to have hidden it.

Absolutely the school should have informed you. On two counts: not just that first aid was required, but that he had been the victim of a serious bullying incident! And at the same time they should have told you what they were going to do to keep your child safe.

A one off incident is NOT bullying .

OP YANBU - school should have informed you about his fingers. As for the rest of it, it could be anything from a sustained and nasty incident instigated by an older child to a game gone wrong between two 4 year olds that was over in 3 seconds. I'd expect to be told about the former, not the latter.

Yambu, you should have been informed. I would be expected to have been at the end of the school day.

barbarian Thank you, that's why I was asking. I think if it was a boy in his class then I'd have just written off as one of those games that maybe get out of hand but I think the fact it was a child 2 years above ds, who I assume should know better, is what I don't like about it.

I don't think it's necessarily bullying, think ds was just in wrong place at wrong time and he was one picked on!

Everyone has backed up my thinking, it's more about not being told about an injury that worries me.

The school definitely should have informed you at pick up time that something like this had happened. I hope your son is okay now. X x x

I get a call from the office any time my DC has recieved 'treatment' e.g. the other day they called at lunch to say that another child had pinged his hand with an elastic band, they said he was okay and went back to class with a cold tissue. It was such a 'minor' event that DS didnt mention it after at all and barely remembered it.

The chances are all he said was he'd trapped his fingers, they'd put wet towels on it as that solves most minor injuries and thought no more about it.

Bear in mind too that it may be much bigger in his mind than it was. I was once trapped in a lift. It stuck between floors for several minutes. Or so I would swear. Dh would tell me it paused for less than 3 seconds.

It's not bullying and I wouldn't expect the teacher to tell you about the incident necessarily (although I would as he is little) but the icing fingers in the office should surely be recorded as a medical incident if ice was applied and they should give you a note to say he has been medically attended to - we are in england but we HAVE to record every incident requiring treatment even if it's just ice, and our incidents are monitored.

Francis

We know neither that it was sustained, nor that it was deliberately nasty. Until we know both then it does no favour to anyone to refer to every negative incident as "bullying". Especially not to children who are being bullied.

You need to speak to the teacher about this as you should have been told about the incident. Can I ask how you know it was an year 3 child as I would not expect a reception child to be able to differentiate this? Also in all the primary schools I know of working from as a supply teacher, reception children are kept away from junior children, have a separate playground and or area and their own toilets.

Thanks for all your input. As far as I'm aware it was a one off incident, ds hasn't mentioned anything like that before.

witchend that is true and why I was unsure how to proceed but from hearing the story, it seems my son tried to "guess" the password several times and only got let out because another boy came in.

crimsonlake he knew that because it is the primary 3 toilets they use. The primary 1 block is an extension and during lunch they have to use the nearest facilities to the playground which is only shared by primary 1 and 3.

Thanks for everyone's guidance, the teacher wasn't there at drop off so I've asked for meeting tomorrow to find out what school says about it.

YANBU, I would have expected to have been informed at the end of the day.
Just as I would have also expected to be informed / want to know if my child had done this to another child too.
I would be speaking to the school, asking about this & why they didn't let you know.

Francis

No we don't. We know the OPs son was hurt and upset, hence her (quite rightly) wanting to speak to the teacher.

We don't know whether it was malicious or an ill-judged game.

We don't know how long it lasted. It could have been a few seconds.

It is not denying bullying to want a few facts to hang the accusations on.

I would have expected a phone call about this, or to be pulled to one side at pickup. It must have been very upsetting for your son and the school should have recognised that. I wouldn't be happy at it not being mentioned, and it would make me suspicious they were trying to brush it under the carpet.

As previous posters have said at the very least the injury should have been mentioned as it required treatment.

Of course a one-off attack can be bullying. This attack was bullying and it's how even more serious bullying can start.
I hope your little boy is okay now. Of course you should have been told immediately. YANBU

You absolutely should have been informed, either by phone call or by being called in to discuss it at pick up time.

IME, you need to be aware that although an isolated incident like this isn't "bullying", a P3, 8 yo, picking on a new P1, may have previous form for this sort of behaviour.

I'd be raising this with the school head or deputy head. Not all guns blazing but matter of factly, pointing out that you are concerned you weren't advised of the incident in which your child was injured. Also, I appreciate all schools are different but at our primary, classes have designated toilets/cloakroom (semi open plan with pairs of class opening at the corners onto a vestibule/toilets area). In our school it would potentially be failure of supervision, for the P3 child to be in the P1 toilet area.

It's probably a one off incident, but IF the p3 child engages negatively with your child again, start keeping a diary of dates, incident, details of who you have phoned or met with to discuss. Unfortunately, IME a carefully kept log was the thing that forced my DCs school to finally admit he was being bullied- school very keen to keep saying there was no bullying at their school and each incident a one off

Aw that's not on

Raise it very calmly and reasonably and ask for feedback , don't go in all guns blazing but do raise as feedback