AIBU to think holidays are just exhausting?

[clyd]

We have two children ages (5 and 10) and we have done a combination of self catering/hotel based holidays over the years but after yet another summer holiday where the days flew by and DH and I came back more shattered than we went, I'm tempted to give up altogether.
I know that sounds miserable, the girls had a great time but it just doesn't feel like a holiday when it's all the same day to day hard work of cooking and cleaning, along with entertaining the children with their different interests, just either in a different house or squeezed into a hotel room.
Talking about pre booking a holiday for next year and I found a villa company that provides a holiday nanny, cleaner and stocks the fridge etc, its about the same as a week in a hotel in the same area but my DH isn't keen on having a nanny in the villa (not to stay, they just come in for a few hours per day). Isn't it the same as a kids club? AIBU to think it might give us a bit of a holiday too?

If you've got the money, find a resort that has a daily kids club with activities suitable for both ages and restaurant(s), ideally one with a buffet so there is no long wait for the food, nor any drama if they don't like the first thing they choose.

You also want a small shop onsite and to take enough clothes that no laundry is necessary (for us, that means 1 t-shirt per week each - we have low standards ). Cleaner is good too.

Not cheap though...

If your DH is not keen on having a nanny around, he could do all the cooking and cleaning and entertain the DCs for a couple of hours each day to give you a break?

Or at least he could do his fair share of the effort, which I suspect he doesn't now, or else you wouldn't have posted?

Would AI in a hotel suite or aparthotel, so separate bedrooms, with a kids club suit, so they can go off for a bit each day and you can relax, and you don't have to do any cooking and cleaning. I don't like them myself, but I can see the attraction to families.

Yes I totally agree! 10 days in a half board 4* hotel with daily kids club and a soft play and I was still bloody exhausted, at one point I seriously contemplated a early flight home.
I vowed I'd not take kids abroad until they are st uni.
Mine are 2 and 5

All inclusive hotel. Find an apart hotel so the room is a bit bigger or there's a seperate bedroom. Kids club and mini disco are an added plus.

I think we are lucky that our boys are easily entertained by the beach or pool. Yes it's not a lying reading holiday for us but it's in the sun and they have such a great time.

We've done a villa too but again we make it easy - bakers for breakfast, simple lunch and eat out every night. An afternoon nap is a must for everyone and then we can all enjoy the evening and they can stay up late.

Just to add our boys were 4 and 7 this year but we've been on holiday evert year at least once since they were tiny. Next year we will be going with baby in tow.
I've heard people describe holidays as just "parenting in a different location"... and I guesss it is, except it a location with sunshine, pools and sangria!

Of course YANBU! You should have the holiday that work best for all of you, you included.

The nanny sounds like a great idea.

I much prefer self catering with my kids, because we live at our own pace, eat out once a day but at "home" most evenings. We chill with a glass of wine whilst the kids are running around entertaining themselves. I always book a cleaner if it's not included, and eating in mainly means getting things from the deli or having a barbecue

No way would I clean my holiday home. The whole point of going away is for us to relax and have a great time. We are 2 adults to look after the kids, no rush, no school run, we can sleep late or nap, kids are never bored because we explore different areas or are on the beach all day.

Would you kids like a holiday club in a hotel? Mine are absolutely against it, so that's fine. It's not great spending a fortune somewhere if you can't wait to go home. Your DH is unreasonable if he is not supporting you, at the very least get cleaner and don't cook!

Don't agree at all. We love holidays! We don't self cater and we go somewhere with kids activities or kids clubs, which my children love, unless we're on a city break.

thanks for all your replies! We have tried kids clubs before but the eldest in particular wasn't keen and I suspect the youngest would be less so now (because she likes whatever he sister likes!). My thought was with the nanny they could still play around the pool etc in the villa, which is what they like to do, but DH and I could get a bit of time together - sorely needed IMO as we don't have any family to help with babysitting at home and do everything together as a family, which is lovely as we are a (generally) happy family but a bit of grown up time wouldn't go amiss.
I think its the word 'nanny' that has put him off - connotations of being a bit posh when that's not particularly us at all. It just so happens this week next summer is working out at the same price as a hotel nearby - admittedly not cheap cheap but within budget. I think the girls will prefer it as I only see us being out without them for the odd hour here and there - just that bit of rare and unusual freedom.
DH makes it sound like I'm trying to completely fob the children off but that's not what I mean - I just thought it sounded ideal to have the help...like I might get a holiday too?!

Many families I know have a "holiday" au-pair you know. It's nothing posh, (of course they can afford it), but they basically have a young girl helping out for a few weeks.

We always do that when my sisters and I go to visit my parents. There's plenty of kids then, so it's great to have someone distract them when we have lunch for example. We usually have someone local.

If you use the word "babysitter" instead of "nanny"< your husband might be more open-minded.

Are you a sahm?

Reason I ask is that I also thought this but DH, who worked 60 hour weeks, was desperate to spend time with the children. I wonder if that is why your DH is not so keen?

I would look at hotels with kids clubs and go AI, much easier

We both work from home and are around throughout the holidays etc - although my husband has erratic hours during busy times. We're extremely fortunate to spend a lot of time together as a family - just less so as a couple!

We've tried kids clubs before but didn't preserve through the week as girls didn't enjoy it (particularly eldest) and obviously we wanted them to enjoy the holiday too.
I didn't realise holiday au pairs were such a thing - maybe this idea isn't so crazy? I'll show dh this thread so he can see some other opinions.

YANBU. I took my 9-year-old nephew on holiday for a few days, and he's as reasonable and painless as any kid to look after, but after five days I was knackered and couldn't wait to see the back of him.

It's why I don't and never will want kids.

We've done both - HB hotel resort in 2 interconnecting rooms with a kids' club. No cooking whatsoever, so you go out after breakfast - sightseeing etc and have lunch out. meander back to the resort in the afternoon, kids can dip into kids' club if they want to otherwise, it's the pool/beach where there are plenty of other kids to befriend. We've been here twice

Self catering at a small compound of holiday cottages/gites with shared pool/facilities. O.K, you have to shop for breakfast and possibly for the evenings but we tend to venture out for lunch and eat in for the evenings for pure ease. One of our best holidays when the DC were smaller was at Pagel where you can easily arrange babysitting plus a private chef - just takes dosh! (We had one evening out at the local Michelin star restaurant plus one evening where we had a cooked meal prepared for us). The communal grounds/play areas was the outstanding feature and where the DC was able to easily make friends with all the other DC of holidaymakers there.

thank you for the recommendation peterpancollar, I'll have a look.
I'm going to broach the subject again tonight and show dh this thread - obviously we both have to agree and perhaps see what the children think in terms of nanny vs kids clubs. I just don't want to come back from another (expensive) holiday feeling more stressed out than when i went - my hope is with a bit of help on hand we can all just enjoy each others company in a more relaxed way.

Have you thought about adventure holidays? That way the kids get other children to play with and you and DH get some adult company and have hotels/food organised for you?

We did a centre based mutli activitiy week (walking/cycling/rafting etc.) in Spain a few years ago and it was great fun. I think it was with The Family Adventure Company though i've also travelled with Exodus & KE too.

It gets better with age (in my experience anyway)

I first took mine abroad when they were 4 and 6 and it wasn't a break. We were self catering and I agree, the cooking etc was a pain. The following year (aged 5 and 7) we went AI, which was better but still tiring as they wanted to be in the pool all the time and their confidence levels were way above their competence levels which meant constant supervision. Tried again aged 6 and 8 and was able to sit at edge of pool and supervise. This year, aged 7 and 9, I lay on a lounger next to the pool and read more books in 10 days than I'd read all year. Amazing! (it helps that we were in a very small hotel, not one of the big AI monsters so the pool was small and quiet).