About this counsellor

[Mercutioandtybalt]

I went wanting to be helped (of course) and so I shared my honest feelings of unhappiness, worthlessness, low self esteem and misery.

She listened then said "erm, well, I am not sure how I can help you then!"

I was

gosh I'm so sorry to hear that OP :( did you ask her why she felt she couldn't help you?

No, I was just a bit I think. I just sort of snuffled "okay ..." and left!

it must've been quite surprising and very frustrating to hear her say that. Are you looking for another counsellor at the moment?

Just another thought - if you're currently working and your workplace has an occupational health department, could you ask them to refer you to a counsellor? Or perhaps your GP could refer you to a different one?

Was she registered with the BACP? If so complain!

Different counsellors have different styles, but none of them give you answers. they ask you questions to help you find your own answers. The basic reason for that is because just being told something doesn't change your feelings or behaviour, you have to come to that conclusion on your own for it to sink in and really make you feel differently.

It sounds like she has taken this a bit far and been a bit too confrontational with you. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to find the right counsellor with style that fits you, but do keep trying (but just manage your own expectations about what the counsellor is going to do - they will ask you a bunch of questions. It is hard work and unfortunately saying "I'm depressed" etc is the easiest bit.)

She just sounds shit, some of them are and some have very low level training. Always check someone's qualifications before seeing them. I'd just find someone new (and ask for a refund seeing as she clearly couldn't provide the service you paid for!)

She was BCAP registered. The whole thing upset me quite a bit and so I am no longer looking for a counsellor!

I had a terrible experience with a counsellor too, she actually made me feel worse about my situation.

It made me not seek professional help again, which, with hindsight, was probably a mistake.

Not all counsellors are as bad as the one you saw. In fact, she sounds completely incompetent and untrained.

I think you need to let her supervisor know what happened as she is clearly not up to the job.

Finding a counsellor, or therapist is a process in itself, alas. Try not to let this put you off. I'd shop around, if I was you, and find one that's right for you. It's really important that you feel they are the right one for you. They're definitely not all the same, and when you do find the right one: a positive experience, rather than the tosh you experienced. It's a really good move making an appointment to try and help assist with what you feel to be wrong with you. Try not to let an, obviously, inadequate one put you off the entire genre. The counsellor sounds a complete numpty.

You poor thing! Awful experience. The first time I saw a counsellor (as an emergency referral by GP) I obviously didn't spill my guts as she wanted and said; 'This is called the talking cure and I don't think you can be helped.'. Um, say what?? To be clear, I wasn't mute or uncommunicative just answered her questions but as I had no experience of it at all I didn't really know what I was supposed to do! I decided I was not going back to see her but before I could communicate that, the very same evening she left a voicemail saying she wouldn't see me again! Wtf?

Put me right off as you can imagine. Happily I saw someone else who was great. Do persevere, it really is a lottery with counsellors. Someone else will be better.

I'd like to know the context in which the comment was made. As others have said, a counsellor will not tell you what to do, it's you that has to do the work. If your instant reaction to this setback is that you're no longer going to seek out counselling, I'd question whether you are in the right place for it emotionally? If you give up so easily, it's quite possible that you're not.

(And there's nothing wrong with not being ready. Counselling is not appropriate for everyone all the time.)

Bombardier I literally spoke for quite a while after she asked why I was there. I obviously can't condense it all into a post and some of it is personal even under a namechange. Interesting you assume the fault is mine though. I have since looked into counselling some more and comments like yours above are typical. It is never counselling at fault; always the client.

I wouldn't question whether she's in the right place for it emotionally. Actually some counsellors just aren't that good and I hate the assumption that it's the clients fault

I'm a highly qualified and experienced therapist. It's my job to work for the client - not the other way round. If you're not comfortable with her OP she's not the one for you. There is better out there

If you're paying privately OP I would look for a psychologist. Check they are hcpc accredited and they need to be either a clinical psychologist or a counselling psychologist

I'm so sorry it's such a minefield out there. It's very unfair

It's not you, it's her. 100%.
I'm a qualified counsellor, we aren't all that crap I promise.

It's definitely not your bloody fault!

Thanks, sourpatch welsh and user

Of course it's not your fault! Her comment was completely inappropriate.

I wonder if she's newly qualified?

NHS once referred me to a counsellor after a complicated miscarriage. She was very nice and listened and we chatted. She told me that the issues I had were too complex for her to deal with and could she referr me to a psychologist. She gave me some coping strategies in the meantime. That is how yours should have done it - though probably they don't refer to psychologists these days.

Try person centred counselling. Mine would have held those feelings with you as it's not his job to fix it for me.
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

You should definitely try and find someone else I had a counsellor who was awful!! I have a thing about smells and when I went into her room it was stuffy and smelled of stale sweat and urine, I politely asked her if it was possible to open a window (I lied) and said I was hot she got very grumpy at the end of the session she didn't even say bye...I left feeling really angry and frustrated I thought I was being sensitive so decided to try and again (it was nhs referred) the second time she was very abrupt and the room smelt vile! She said I can't help until you help yourself I burst into tears and refused to go back...I had to wait 6 weeks but got referred to another counsellor and she was amazing and instantly opened to her and we found strategies together and felt like I'd made progress! As other posters have said it really is the kick of the draw both were BACP registered but completely the first one was supposedly meant to be the best in her field and practising for many years the second one only been doing it for about a year! Please do seek help and find the right person for you.

Kick of the draw=luck of the draw! Really hope you don't give up and find somebody

She was person centered. Apparently

YANBU. There are some awful counsellors out there. You don't necessarily have to be any good to qualify. Plus, in my experience (both of going to them, and of knowing them personally) people who themselves have or have had very significant issues are often drawn to counselling.

You wouldn't believe the experiences I have had with fully accredited counsellors working from "prestigious" premises. I can't write them down as they are so bizarre as to be hugely identifying and liable to end up in the DM (but included an encounter where a counsellor strongly advocated, entirely off her own bat, that I commit a serious criminal offence).

Rapport is so important. Keep going until you find one you like, I wish you the best of luck.