about my dad and this 'babysitter' he is touting?

[Cappuccino]

hello I am AIBU virgin so please be nice

tis father's retirement do in May

My children see father very rarely (my parents divorced when I was little) and have visited his house maybe two or three times. They like him and he is very nice to them but they do not know his house or him very well.

He has invited us to his retirement party (daytime) but wants us to come the night before and stay over so we can have a family meal with half-brothers, maybe long-lost cousins, etc

Now I had assumed that this would be at his house since his girlfriend is a really good cook; they have huge table etc and we will have the dds with us (none of other people there have kids)

but today he said we would all be going to the local pub and the lady next door who had had five children of her own would be able to babysit and would this be ok? I would only be a mile down the road. Or they could come to the pub with us?

The dds have never been left with a babysitter, only ever with my mum. dd1 would prob be okay but if dd2 (2yrs) woke (which she could easily do in a strange place; last week when we were away in London I went out a few nights and every time I found her in bed with my mum who was with us as she had woken and got distressed) I don't know how she would react to a complete stranger going 'there there'

I think I sound like I am being unreasonable. I know that when they were married my mum and him disagreed on things like this. I don't want to seem unreasonable when it is his big weekend but this is not something I would normally do.

I can't take them to the pub. They go to bed at 7. A late night (9ish) is one thing but we're not talking about 9ish. I don't think it's the place for a 2 year old to be after 9 and she would be crazy tired and I would end up bfeeding her and I know he wouldn't approve.

The bottom line is, you can't go out late to the pub when you have kids, can you? That's one of the things about having kids. Isn't it?

I don't think I could relax with either scenario. I have said I am going to talk to dh. But what I really mean is 'I am going to talk to dh and tell him how much we really do not mean to do this'

so, court of mn. Rule.

tbh in this situation, with what you've described, I don't think I'd leave them with this woman.

sounds like she'll be more than capable, and very good of your dad to try to help make arrangements, but I don't think you'd enjoy yourself if you went anyway.

can you look at some other options? meal earlier evening at the pub and then you can take dd's home to bed? then you'll still have the whole of the next day with your dad so won't miss out too much. or dh stay in with dds? or ask your dad why he hasn't perhaps thought about a meal in the house instead and ask him if this could be an option (and you'll help to cook/organise!)given your concerns about the girls.

i'd make sure he knows how grateful you are and how much you want to be there. but you have two children who aren't used to being left with babysitters and that's just the way things are. you can't change that overnight. so you just need to work round it in some way.

good luck

I must admit that I don't think you'd be happy leaving them with her so it's probably best not to. What about taking them down the pub and just heading off at 21h with them?

no tell your dad youll go home early

will the kdis not eb asleep when you leave em?

Can you all go to the pub early for the meal, and then dh take the kids back to the house and you stay and catch up with family?

there are lots of good suggestions here and it means at least I'll have a halfway point to meet my dad with so thanks so much everyone

dh came home and feels as unsure about leaving dd2 with a stranger as I am so I feel a bit more justified

may suggest leaving early or asking dh to; could prob take dd1 for an hour and that would give one of us a chance to sneak off without looking obsessive

cod yes the kids will be asleep but not for long knowing dd2....

and I can't leave them for the weekend (it would be practically a weekend) with my mum (especially not to go off to her bitter-split ex-husband's party !!!). I have never asked her to have them both overnight, she takes dd1 sometimes for sleepovers but she works really hard having them 2 days a week so I can work as well as babysitting - it would be a step too far I think to put this on her as she isn't getting any younger and they do tire her out.

She has hinted in the past it would be too much for her to have them both though I have never asked but tbh both dh and I believe that if there every is an overnight stay it should be a) something romantic for us and b) with dh's parents (and that is a WHOLE other resentment-packed Last Chance Saloon thread - look out for that installment on the Special Needs board soon )

thanks so much for all your input