To think that your sexuality isn't determined by what you wear/like??

[Theoryofparenting]

My niece is 14 and is a 'tomboy'. She's always worn clothes from the boys/mens sections as that's what she finds comfier and prefers. She usually wears boxer shorts, jeans, t shirt, hoodie, trainers on weekends, and wears trousers to school. She loves to play football/basketball and doesn't wear make up or do anything 'girly'. We've never had a problem with any of this. However lately at school people have been spreading rumours that because she wears/likes certain things she must be a lesbian/trans. She is straight and is upset about the rumours. She said there's nothing wrong with being lesbian/trans but that the assumptions are annoying and upsetting. AIBU to think that what you wear or like doesn't determine your sexuality?? My sister is going into her school tomorrow to try and put a stop to the rumours, but it baffles me that kids still think this way.

It's not just kids. I had a real issue with ingrowing toenails at one point and had to live in a very comfy pair of Clarks shoes. I hadn't been in my job long but apparently these were Lesbian Shoes. Took years and getting married to a man to convince them I was not gay.

Is there an inclusion teacher at school?

Unfortunately this bullshit is quite common, I've got numerous tattoos & tend to wear jeans quite a lot with somewhat 'funky imo footwear-an older gentleman I work with was quite clearly surprised to discover I had 2 DC & was married, to AN ACTUAL MAN
People can't help being presumptuous cunts, tell her to fuck em & ignore it.

You are totally right. I wish this was a non-issue, but sadly this is an ongoing battle. I'm glad she has a family who will back her up.

Unfortunately this bullshit is quite common, I've got numerous tattoos & tend to wear jeans quite a lot with somewhat 'funky imo footwear-an older gentleman I work with was quite clearly surprised to discover I had 2 DC & was married, to AN ACTUAL MAN shock

Similar situation for me. I have a shaved head and a football season ticket. The rumours were widespread that I was a lesbian when I started in my current job.

In reality I'm actually the straightest of straight girls: not even a tiny bit 'curious'. No, it probably doesn't matter but it would be preferable to me if people didn't speculate and got their facts right. Just ask me: I'll put you right

AIBU to think that what you wear or like doesn't determine your sexuality

Of course not. People just make assumptions. Nothing wrong with being a lesbian or trans but what people wear and how they behave does not determine anything.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'm amazed this attitude still exists.

I hate looking female. I hate having long hair, I hate dressing like a woman. I hate wearing dresses. I hate wearing a skirt. I hate makeup. I hate everything vaguely feminine. So I tend to dress like a boy, and I say boy because I look like I'm about 14 when I do, and I draw so much shit on a daily basis from family, husband, strangers, colleagues about the fact that I don't look feminine and I don't do what "other women do". I mean...really? Just fucking do one. What is it to anyone else how someone dresses? What does it matter? If that's how she feels comfortable, then good for her!

If a Scotsman wears a Kilt, does that immediately make him gay? Of course not. So why does a woman or a teenage girl wearing something like skate-wear or having short hair immediately make her lesbian?

This is one of these things that gets on my wick and makes me unreasonably angry. I've given up trying now, sometimes I just wear a dress to make everyone else STFU.

I got this when I got my first job as a nurse a guy I trained with told everyone I was gay I'm not but my best friend at the time was so because we spent a lot of time together I was obviously gay too ironically I had actually had fling with this guy during our training

Thanks everyone. I'm glad DNiece has a good group of friends who accept her as she is. DNiece has a friend who is a lesbian, and wears make up/skirts/dresses and some people don't believe she's 'actually' gay

Jeans and fancy footwear equals lesbian? 99% of the female population then. How ridiculous

Well I think it is getting worse as the trans ideology is gaining ground in schools. its great kids are taught about diversity but perhaps they are not mature enough to understand that clothes and hair do not dictate sexuality or gender.

My daughter is younger but exactly the same. But then I suppose I am too. I was often called a boy when I was a child. I'm most definitely female, most definitely straight, I just don't want to be encumbered by "girls" clothes, and neither does my daughter.

I regularly wear men's clothing (ok, it's mostly because I am too lazy to shop and my husband is happy to share). Definitely not attracted to women though.

me too Ttbb I wear all of dh,s t shirts

It doesn't but it's bullshit that even non-homophobic people buy into. Every so often somebody on here starts a thread about 'knowing' that people are lesbian/gay before they came out and they get lots of supportive parents going 'I wasn't surprised when DC came out because I always knew DC was lesbian/gay because [stereotypes galore]' No, you made an assumption based on stereotypes that helps absolutely nobody. Plenty of lesbian and gay people don't fit those stereotypes and plenty of straight people do.

My mother dressed me in dungarees AND Clarks shoes as a child and I'm gay - I'm sure the two are linked and my sexuality is therefore entirely fault
Weirdly I dress like a stereotypical lesbian and yet numerous straight women assume I'm straight like them - I go home, look in the mirror and think "really?" At times like those it might be easier if they did believe the stereotypes, they might then avoid making homophobic comments in my hearing...

I have been told I must be a lesbian because I like Jeeps. (I don't even own one, but that was actually someone's genuine opinion..... people are weird) I am straight, married with three kids and perfectly happy.

One of my best friends has been told that she is faking being a lesbian because she wears dresses, heels and wears high-end makeup. (She has been told that she is also faking being a lesbian to get men's attention.....)

These stereotypes are just stupid.

More to the point, unless you're sleeping with someone, why do you care about their sexuality when there are so many more important factors that should impact on your opinion of someone - like whether they are a good person or not?