To think that my ex is being thoughtless?

[notyetcloned]

My ex has our ds this weekend. Normally brings him back on Sunday, but I have a minor op under local anaesthetic booked for tomorrow morning, so he was going to have him tonight and I'd call him in the morning after visiting the doctors and he'd bring ds back. He's just called to say they've gone off to somewhere 2 hours away to stay overnight and he's got fun stuff booked for tomorrow so will be bringing ds back late after dinner time. (My ds is home educated due to asd so won't be missing a school day). I don't mind that they've gone somewhere to have fun. I do mind that he didn't tell me they were going away overnight. My ds has asd and allergies so overnight stays away from home are a big deal. I also mind that he's bringing him back late without asking and I will be up very late tomorrow trying to get my ds calm enough to sleep. I'm moving house this week so could do without the extra stress.

I think maybe you're being a bit U. He has told you what he's doing and your DS is with his dad.

It's understandable you're,stressed though.

Definitely unreasonable, sorry. He's his parent too.

I can't see anything wrong, sorry. Your ds is with his dad who is capable of looking after him whether he has allergies or not.
I think you are overreacting.

YABU
He's his dad, he's obviously capable of looking after him and it might actually be quite nice to relax after the op even if it is a minor one.
Not much point making a big deal of it because of one slightly late night.

Take advantage of the dc free time. .
Sounds like he was being thoughtful tbh.

His with his Dad, so what is the problem here? I can't really see your problem

I get it. My asd thrive on routine and order. Trips can take days to prepare for with story boards etc then there's the come down after which means no one gets much sleep. Could he stay with his dad instead of bringing him back late? Just so your not up dealing with after effects and have some rest after your op.

Thank you for the replies. I guess I worry when my ds is away from home because I know it can be difficult for him. His dad is good with him, I'm not worried about that. I think it is wrong to make plans to bring him back hours after we originally agreed without checking first though. I'm also worried about having a late night tomorrow night with an overloaded child and not being able to do anything on Tuesday when I have lots to do to get ready to move. If my ds has had an exciting time he can go into meltdown afterwards or needs careful attention so he doesn't so it means I can't get on with things.

Unless your ex asks that you check with him everytime you want an night away with DS or plan fun activities then YABU.

You sound a little jealous tbh that they are having fun without you.
Hope the OP goes well

Maybe he thinks keeping him for the day will allow you to either rest after the op or get more stuff organised before you move.

Perhaps he thought he was being thoughtful if you're having an operation by giving you more time to rest?

Yanbu. Even if there was no downside for you, he should have checked with you first.

I'm not sure why he has to 'check' with OP. He's his Dad, and is clearly capable of looking after him.

YABU. He probably thinks he's helping you out.

My immediate assumption is that he'd made away plans to give you a break and time to rest up as you're having an operation. It sounds like he did check first, only on a shorter notice than you would prefer? I'm not sure I understand the timing 100%, but it seems reasonable to me, if he's good with DS and you trust him.

Without knowing anything else about the situation, I actually see it as rather thoughtful.