To wonder how people become motivated?

[BulldogFart]

I'm 36. Work Monday to Thursday. Teenage kids. I can't get my shit together.

Looking in from the outside I appear to be doing well, good household income, happy marriage, nice house - but I'm so unmotivated and lazy and I don't know why. I have a gym membership and it's a great gym, classes, two pools, steam room etc and I really have to force myself to go and when I do go I decide I can only do half of what I planned because I'm just desperate to get home again in my pyjamas.

On Friday I had planned - get up at 7, walk the dog at 8am (3000 steps), gym class at 9.30, treadmill after, gym class at 11am, swim at 12pm, housework in the afternoon, walk the dog at 4pm (3000 steps). Relax.

What I did instead was get up at 7am, cancel first gym class. Lounge around on the couch until 10am. Walk the dog reluctantly. Go to 2nd gym class (minus treadmill and only because I'd promised to meet a friend). Sack off swimming. Rush home. Played computer games until tea time, lounge on the sofa watching films until bed. No housework done. What is wrong with me?! I have no excuses. I'm not ill, I have time. Why do I have no motivation??? Am i just a lazy cow?

Today has been the same.

Plan - get up at 8am, take dog for walk, go to gym class, go swimming, housework.

What have I done instead? Got up at 8am and played computer games all morning.

Sometimes you just have to go with what your body wants to do and it sounds like yours need to rest up at the moment.

I'm quite similiar....very good at making fantastic plans to get my sh*t together but never quite materialises.

What I've learn is to do one thing at a time... and stop being so ambitious.

Then when I spend a week say doing that one improvement..move on to the next.

For example...on Friday...that was a very ambitious and exhausting schedule(for someone lazy like me anyway)....if you'd maybe said get up at 7....walk the dog...relax...swim at 12...walk the dog..1 hour of housework..then relax.....it wouldn't have felt so daunting..

as it were..you started on the wrong foot and were just chasing your tail all day feeling like you'd failed already.

Be more realistic with your plans and recognise your little successes.

That's not 'lazy' or unmotivated

That's you putting a load of 'shoulds' in your life (get fit/don't waste time/whatever your shoulds are) and then part of your mind rebelling against it.

Stop creating a 'higher' self that does these things, it's not higher than what you want to do on the day. Why are you not allowed to sit around 7-10am ?

Why can't 'I don't want to do the early morning class' win? Why is she more right or wrong than 'god it's nice sitting on my arse cuddling the dog'.

I totally get your irritation at not being able to make yourself do it - but deep down you didn't want to.

Jane, my body has rested for 36 years, I've always been lazy.

Arctic, I'm so disorganised you're probably right. It's all or nothing with me - and that normally ends up being just "nothing".

I imagine my day as a tick box and if I miss one of my ticks, I consider it a failure and write the whole day off. Trouble is there are too many boxes to tick and so failure is almost guaranteed.

Can we be friends? Sitting around on the sofa playing computer games all day sounds like HEAVEN.

That's quite an ambitious morning!

Can't you plan something smaller each day?

It reads to me like you're planning an awful lot of exercise for someone who doesn't want to do that. I would plan less and aim to enjoy it more. You definitely should be walking the dog twice a day. Maybe try to make that more fun; have a cuppa out, take a frisbee, meet a friend...

It could also be dietary or health related. Maybe look at what you're eating and drinking and get a blood test?

It's just not your priority. You've got a heirarchy of values, and you are living according to them right now.

I am a massive gym fan (personal trainer in my spare time) and agree it's a lot of exercise you have planned in there. One gym class a day and two dog walks is way more than most people do. I think planning less and celebrating the smaller achievements is the way forward.

YOU are not a failure

Kids still alive? Managed to raise a family? Happy enough relationship? Been to work Monday - Thursday last week?

All of that shit takes work ^^

You're so ridiculously hard on yourself - what's the point? Life is not a series of tick boxes to accomplish til you die

You certainly don't want to start the negative 'failure' talk at 7am - then you've the whole day to feel grumpy at yourself

You set attainable goals, and meet them . The exact opposite of all or nothing.
No one can do it all, so you end up doing nothing. The process snowballs.
So start with say one week of walking the dog ever day, twice a day, an one gym class. Next week the same, but add in a swim, and build from there.
Same with cleaning. Instead of saying you're going to blitz the whole house, promise yourself you will work for 15 minutes without stopping, one one area. Then 15 minutes, for every 45 spent gaming. Actually get up, save the game, and go clean for 15.
It's just a matter of breaking down goals in to much smaller ones

As far as housework etc. is concerned, can you plan specific activities for specific days? For example, kitchen and bathroom the day before the dustbins are emptied?
Washing on a Tuesday, ironing on a Wednesday, that kind of thing.
Also are you a lark or an owl? Perhaps you find it difficult to get motivated in the morning, because you are not a morning person? You might have more success and feel less "lazy" if you switched your gym session to the afternoon?

I think you are setting yourself up for failure. Your planned morning schedule is on a par with an Olympic athlete! Lots of exercise for your body but maybe not enough for your brain and the thought is boring. Can you download some podcasts or TED talks to listen to while you are exercising?
Remember the acronym for goals? SMART. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound. Your lack of motivation indicates all that exercise is not achievable or realistic.
Search for displacement activity and self-sabotage as possible explanations for your lack of motivation.
If you really want to do something, you will find a way.

You are working and bringing up teens ., who can be just as full on as toddlers sometimes. Dont be too hard on yourself.
we all need some downtime.

Your all-or-nothing approach is symptomatic of perfectionism.
Your "day off" looks more exhausting than your work days.
As others have said, go easy on yourself and celebrate small achievements. You don't have to and can't do everything. Be your own best friend.

Laurie - I like your take on this matter. I too create a 'higher self' who is better than the real me in every way.

I think I'll decide to hate her. She can do one