To not want my kids to Face Time with my ex's parents.

[rightknockered]

I know they are their grandparents. But they hate me, always have. Our entire marriage they were nasty and vindictive and even physically threatened me. They ignored my autistic children, talked with glee about their cousin with down syndrome who got lost during a festival in India, and said it was a relief.
I despise them.
Today the kids were face timed by their father. Great I thought. But then I heard the voices of his parents.
I sent the ex a text telling him I do not want his parents to face time my children while they are at home, this is my home and I do not want them as unwelcome visitors into my home. Because that is what it feels like.
Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU. It is an invasion into your home. They can see them when your ex has access.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all but there is a difficulty in that how do you stop the grandparents being there - even though I appreciate you sent the text to say they can't be there.

Unfortunately you don't have the control at the other end and really I guess it might be better just letting go of the control whilst your dc are actually facetiming but perhaps ensure they are always in a particular room - so that the GP's don't get to see everything in your home - and also that they have a set time - so that the call is not too long and then of course you might need to allow time to talk with your dc about any untoward comments that might have arisen.

Tough for you I know - but it does help your dc learn there are different types of people in the world.

YABU - really there are so few people that really will give a shit about your dc I wouldn't stop the few that do from contacting them. Hard I know if they have been shitty towards you. But honestly there will be so much else to face as an LP, keeping a relationship between your dc and their GP, might just end up being a source of respite from the infinite and eternal demands that you will face.

YABU. FaceTime in your house to the GPs is actually a controlled situation. You can monitor and if they say anything out of order you can close the call and then make a point to ex that you don't want them face timing DC.

At least that's what I'd do, but I'm a soft touch

They sound awful. YANBU
My children facetime their father and I know he and my mum never really got on so I never do it if I know she is around or any of my family for that matter.

Turn the wifi off

Whoops, job done

Get another phone or device that does not do facetime

Set the relevant device up somewhere so that all that can be seen is the DC and a blank wall (maybe even hang a sheet up). But don't prevent relationships between DC and their dad's family unless these people are actually dangerous.

How old are they?

If they want to speak to GPs then it is their home and I don't think it would be nice to say they can't do that.