To wonder what happiness feels like?

[LEMtheoriginal]

I've suffered anxiety for quite some time and it's bad at the moment. I think that now I am also depressed.

It occurs to me that I have forgotten how to recognise happiness and contentment. So not that I never experience it but I can't recognise it.

I have struggled because my adult dd is also suffering from anxiety and I deliberately avoid things that make me happy due to guilt.

But my question is what is happy? I do nice things with dd2 and enjoy time with dp. We go camping and I work. I go through the motions. I sing and joke at work but it's false. I don't feel sad I just feel blank. Numb I guess.

I've had counselling and medication but neither work. I don't want either again.

Can anyone tell me how happy feels because maybe I AM happy. I just don't realise? I have a lot of stress in my life but doesn't everyone? Other people seem happy or are they just going through the motions too?

Sorry. This isn't meant to be self pitying I just wondered how other people experience happiness

Happiness and contentment are 2 very different things/ I think happiness comes in fleeting bursts, its a very strong feeling that is not one to expect all the time. I feel truly happy when everyone I love is with me and nobody is arguing and we are all having a lovely time. Contentment is being overall pleased with your lot or being able to make the changes to be so.

I don't know, its very hard to put into words.

I think existentialmoment is on to something here.

I genuinely believe that overall, people aren't happy all of the time, most people are probably just putting on a front and making it look like they are. I've only been happy for a mere few minutes out of my entire life and they've been a few silly minutes in other people's opinion. Most of the rest of the time I've just been merely content with my lot and I'm going through the motions of life hoping to get to the next few minutes of genuine happiness.

If I was happy all of the time, I'd have nothing to work towards, but then there are times when I wonder if all of the work is worth the few minutes.

All of that said, happiness is different for everyone - it's merely a concept.

But what defines a lovely time? I go places with dd2 and dp and am not sure I feel it? Like I'm trying too hard.

I like it when my dog sits with me.

We went to Wales on holiday but whilst we did things I love to do I felt meh. In the mountains - meh. But maybe because I felt dp dd weren't feeling it?

There is always an underlying sadness because my dd1 is unhappy just now. But there are folk who have lost children. Mine is "just" in a bad place and hopefully she will pass this phase. So I need to stop letting this infest everything. A lot of her issues are chosen (gaming addiction).

Sometimes I crochet. I like doing that. It's satisfying. Satisfying? Is that happy?

No, I don't think you are happy without realising it.

I would say I am contented about 99% of the time. That's just a general satisfaction with life really. Not an absence of problems, but more just being at peace with them and knowing that overall I have it quite easy.

Happiness is more than that. It is a warm, light feeling inside, for me. I can't help but smile.

I would say I experience happiness pretty much every day, but not every moment of the day. It's hard to describe exactly though.

I hope that you can find some contentment, if not happiness

I think contentment is what you're after, interspersed with happy and sad.

Doesn't help that I have a bad cold and a period but I think I'm going to try to get some counselling again.

Try mindfulness or reading ' the power of now'. It's about moments.

Sometimes I get bursts of joy. The rest is contentment interspersed with tiredness/stress/worry from daily life or bigger life crises.

That being said, I've been both anxious and depressed. I would say there were no moments of joy during those times.

Addiction isn't a choice.

Also, you said that you avoid things that make you happy because of guilt but actually doing things that make you happy would be modelling good behaviour to your DD. It is ok to be happy.

I think counselling could help but make sure you get someone that you click with and like.

When I was depressed, I felt exactly like that too. I'd arrange something for a weekend (seeing friends say) and I'd look forward to it, but then while it was happening I'd think- 'is this it? It's ok, it's nice, it's enjoyable, but am I happy, really?' Now (years later) I'm not depressed and I just don't feel that way anymore. Nothing all that much externally has changed, I just DO enjoy those things, and don't seem to analyse it, and feel happier, somehow. Sorry I know that probably doesn't help, but I don't think you're happy and just not recognising it, I think you're unhappy, and trying to make it right by doing nice things, which can help in the short term but don't solve the underlying unhappiness. There are some really interesting TED talks on happiness- I've linked one below, but google TED talks happiness and there are loads, this one talks about how if you look at lottery winners and people who had bad accidents one year after the event- their happiness levels aren't that different, and how happiness isn't something we 'find' but something we can make, which I thought was interesting. Hope you are able to get some support and things get better for you soon x
www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy/up-next#t-1228787

I am a happy person. Always have been. Its like I have a reset button overnight, 99% of things I forget about the next day, I'm crap at holding a grudge.

I've never been depressed, sad but not anything worse and I have a daughter with SN who has had lots of surgery.

My happiness is just my personality, I don't take many things seriously, I'm very laid back and so is my husband.

I know I'm extremely lucky and I desperately hope I've passed it on to my kids.