To worry about things that haven't happened yet .....

[BringMeSunshinePlease]

Do you worry about things before they've even happened?

To put into context my step son (18) is obviously an adult but picks and chooses when he wants to be adult and when he wants to still be a child. He is causing problems at home and I am starting to dread his visits which are still EOW. I worry before his visits about what he's going to do next.

DP keeps telling me to stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet but sure enough they usually do and we're left picking up the pieces rather than trying to prevent them happening in the first place.

WWYD?

My DD always says if you worry about things you have to go through them twice. Don't worry and you might not need go through it at all. Yes she's a precocious 10yo but largely correct.

I have a slightly different approach as I'm not a carefree 10yo. Instead of worrying about what could happen, I consider what I can and will do to ensure a positive outcome. Is this possible? What needs to happen to prevent your feared outcome? What is happening atm?

I like your 10 yo's approach!

I'm afraid there's very little positive to come from my situation at the moment. I'm just doing my best to get through each visit with as little damage to all of us as possible (emotional not physical).
M

Well, its a bit too late to be worrying about stuff which has happened

Do you want to talk about it?

It sounds like you're feeling very powerless in your own home.

Entirely powerless. God I sound so sorry for myself.

SS has very strong opinions and ideas, he's a typical "I'm always right" teenager. However, he's still very immature and acts like a child quite often. He wants his GF to stay and they are sexually active yet he won't wash his own sheets or clothes and expects to be treated like a hotel guest when he's here.

He's rude and opinionated and if he doesn't get his own way he will not drop it until his father gives in.

It's weak parenting from a father who feels enormous guilt at his marriage breaking down and not being there for him full time. I'm not the OW, we met afterwards.

He gets his own way on everything just because it's easier. I get no choices. I have to put up with it or make a decision to leave.

Thing is I love my partner. We get on great when SS isn't around and at 18 I'm hoping he will grow up soon and not be around as much.

Why don't you let your DP do all the work for your SS? I.e. If he okays his gf staying over then he can clean the sheets and deal with all the fallout ?
I know this must be an oversimplification but it might work to place all the strain on him? Then he might realise how shit you're feeling.

I am starting to leave the jobs for DP to get on with but it doesn't feel right. We're a good partnership and support each other in all other ways. I don't feel good leaving him to shop, cook and clean up, we usually share all the jobs. SS hasn't had a change of sheets for 6 weeks though as I refuse to touch his sheets!