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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Playground mums

31 replies

coffeeeandtv · 16/09/2017 10:19

So..... long no thread..... sorry.....I returned yesterday from picking my child up at school when I realised I was being snubbed and insulted by the main group of alpha bit**es, . My reason for writing this post is to just pass on my experience and as much as anything inform and hopefully we can all cast a rye smile and accept that these women are everywhere. So eldest son started in reception I decided to be as friendly as possible to everyone, I work and am not always on the playground so I thought this was a good way to get to know the parents and their children, I also became chatty with teaching assistants and the school secretary as I offered to help with trips school fairs...(I promise you I'm not a pushy parent just wanted to help as it's a small village school that relies on parents) everything went well and was harmonious for 3 years until my youngest started school and alpha mum started with her plan of getting her little golden boy to be given the education she feels he so rightly deserves.... over and above the other 29 kids in her class.
I'm aware I'm prattling on so cut to the main
issue..... youngest has now started in year 6 during the first week the kids had a social event on the playground which alpha mum was able to attend due to her being the wife of the chair of governors..... she takes a photo with my child and about 4 other boys clearly in view along with about 15 in the background 2 of which are in local authority care, this picture is posted on social media she has also included the location, 4 teachers commented about her son as did the school secretary, 5 teaching assistants, her husband (who works as a deputy head). The same day (last Thursday ) a text is sent round reminding parents that they should not post pictures on social media from school events, it is also mentioned in the newsletter, by Tuesday as the picture had not been removed from Facebook and after another passive aggressive text from the school I sent the head a very polite and to the point email explaining that she needs to encourage her staff to practice what she preaches as while she is lecturing the majority of parents concerning internet safety her staff (including the secretary who typed out the text) and governing body are really not following her instructions and are making her look hypocritical...... to be fair I was delighted to be given this opportunity as I can tell you a hundred stories of these entitled women who think they run the school. Now I'm blocked from all social media including the school sites and had to stand in the playground with them giving the passive aggressive comments behind my back loud enough for people to turn and stare..... I'm genuinely hard faced enough to withstand this but find writing this post therapeutic and I'd love to hear others stories of their ridiculous experiences without putting off new parents, but just laughing at their sad lives that being too dog on the school playground is the most important aspect of their lives. So my question is AIBU to bring this to the heads attention?

OP posts:
Changednamejustincase · 16/09/2017 10:25

If you want to be on friendly terms with them you should try being friendly towards them. If you want there to be hostility keep on being hostile.

shivermytimbers · 16/09/2017 10:25

I think you would be fair enough to say that you've seen a picture that breaks internet safety policy on xxx site. Please would they have a look at it and take appropriate action.
All the rest... tbh you seem overly involved. Take a step back. They'll all be in secondary school soon enough and no one will give a crap about all the playground politics any more

HooraySunshine · 16/09/2017 10:26

So you pointed out the irony of her message and she then blocked you from all social media including the school sites? Shock Why? That seems a bit extreme. These sad, pathetic women. The only thing sadder is that their kids are probably going to grow up behaving even worse than they do. Sad

AppleBosom · 16/09/2017 10:36

do you mean were you unreasonable to have brought posting identifying info on school kids on social media or would you be unreasonable to bring the passive agressiveness by mums in the playground towards you to the head?

if the first.. depends on how you worded the email but generally, no.

if its the second... you're an adult sort it out yourself or ignore.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 16/09/2017 10:47

Nbu to point out the error, but the rest. Ye gods. So fucking boring. How can you be arsed with all that. Just go about your own life and forget the rest.

hippadoppaloppagorillapig · 16/09/2017 10:51

Who has blocked you from the school sites? The head or the mum?

If your youngest is in year 6 now I would just ignore ignore ignore. Only a few more months and you can leave the madness behind you!

coffeeeandtv · 16/09/2017 10:54

If you want to be on friendly terms with them you should try being friendly towards them. If you want there to be hostility keep on being hostile.
Changed name.... trust me I am friendly to everyone a polite hello to anyone who catches my eye, that's just my personality as I treat everybody in the way I'd like to be treated including, in the past this group, I don't want to be best friends with anyone but as I work with people with depression I understand how lonely it can be for some Mum.
They can call me names etc as much as they like as my email was not a personal vendetta, I politely indicated to the head that there had been a 'misunderstanding' I didn't mention any names just thought she should be aware of the full facts how her staff and 'VIP' parents were running the risk of embarrassing her,
As for them ignoring me, there's over 200 children at the school with many nice parents, I think I can cope with these women and their intimidation I'm more concerned with the majority and as my son was clearly visible in the pic it had to be me to email the head.

OP posts:
coffeeeandtv · 16/09/2017 10:59

Hippo..... I'm blocked from the groups personal Facebook which is fine as I had effectively muted them but was just saving face by not unfriended if them, the school secretary runs the school media information sites and I have been removed from them!!
My post was meant to be therapeutic really, once I re read it I giggled as I find it a bit 'funny'. I think I wanted to post it as information to other parents and to sort of give each other a 'shaken head, eye roll' how funny is this... just incase others have experienced something similar.

OP posts:
GrockleBocs · 16/09/2017 11:21

So the Head had already pointed out the problem, it had been removed and then you sent a message. Why?

HooraySunshine · 16/09/2017 11:25

If I'm understanding correctly, OP said a message was sent from the Head, the FB post was not removed and then another message from the Head went out. OP messaged the Head to point out that her own staff were supporting a FB post that showed photos/dates/times of kids and then the Head/school responded by removing OP from all social media.

Beadieeye · 16/09/2017 11:26

Sorry, but this does read like you're one of those mothers.
I never understand these threads, about all the cliques, in the schoolyard amongst the parents.
Does nobody else just turn up, drop the kids of then go in and pick them up at the end of the day like I do?! It takes about 2 minutes out of the day.

MrLovebucket · 16/09/2017 11:28

I assume your email was a bit more subtle than 'practice what you preach' and 'you're a hypocrite' Grin

Not a lot you can do now, just ignore and move on.

honeysucklejasmine · 16/09/2017 11:31

I would not be happy about the secretary removing you from the school site - that'll contain important information. Complain about that.

coffeeeandtv · 16/09/2017 11:41

Horraysunshine that's it exactly but I doubt if the head is aware of what her office staff are doing as she has a very busy school to run, I won't inform her as I really am not one of 'those' mums I collect once a week and have to stay in the playground as the kids are due out at 3.30 but generally leave anytime between 3.20-3.40 so you have no choice but to be in the playground, childminder collects her the other days and I drop off 3x weekly where I let him walk in on his own as he now 11.

OP posts:
malika54 · 16/09/2017 11:57

Did you email the head directly? The chair of governors? I'm a teacher, and posting pictures of other people's children is a safeguarding issue, which the entire staff should know full well.

Oblomov17 · 16/09/2017 12:15

You emailed the Head?
And her response was?

Yet the secretary removed you from Facebook? Have you told Head this?

And who is gossiping about you? Parents? How do they know that you sent an email to Head.

This doesn't make sense OP?

existentialmoment · 16/09/2017 12:18

You know it's probably just that you're annoying and they don't like you.

emma6776 · 16/09/2017 12:22

Oh my goodness. Who cares??

Skittlesss · 16/09/2017 12:27

Ash the playground alphas... I find it sad that they still act like they're the ones in school. I bet they were in a clique back then too.

The way I see it is... do you want to be friends with them? Do you have to see them other than at school times? Do their opinions really matter to you? No. No. And NO. honestly, life is hard as it is. Your child will be leaving that school soon and you'll probably never have to see these women again. Leave them to it.

I'm nice to people, but have no interest in joining the mothers' meetings in the playground. I just leave them to it. The same women run the PTA and wear the same gym kit all day, can't really judge them on that but they're smiley and happy enough.

Ignore the comments and just leave them to it.

teaandcakeat8 · 16/09/2017 12:29

You keep implying you don't care about them but you obviously do, a lot. Pick your battles in life. This seems like a lot of wasted energy.

HooraySunshine · 16/09/2017 12:37

I would just ignore the silly women in the playground, but I would not like being removed from all of the school's social media purely for the fact that you might possibly miss an announcement or something school related. I don't understand why you were removed or who gave authority for that, but regardless the school's social media was set up presumably for school related stuff and you should have access to that. Even if you did something inappropriate on their FB page I'd still think they'd give you a warning/discussion about what you did wrong and if you do it again you will be removed, etc. So if you've broken no social media 'rules' then it seems strange you'd be removed without warning.

Mayvis · 16/09/2017 13:30

If you could see the photo, why didn't you contact the person who posted it and ask for it to be taken down? Why involve the head? You're the one who has gone telling tales behind their backs.

It reads like you're jealous of 'alpha' mum. I bet others thought you were that mum when you were befriending the TA's and secretary.

MrsJamesAspey · 16/09/2017 14:47

If your dc is 11 then there's no need for you to wait in the playground, surely you can meet you child outside the gates and therefore avoid these mums?

Lethaldrizzle · 16/09/2017 15:40

I don't think calling anyone alpha bitches is terribly friendly

PoppyPopcorn · 16/09/2017 15:44

and accept that these women are everywhere

They really aren't.

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