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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FRIEND uses me as Emotional trashcan

14 replies

gg1234 · 15/09/2017 22:17

One of my very good friends has started using me as emotional trashcan lately .Whatever the problem she has .Kids not eating well , Driving test not passed I get to hear the emotional crying .Why do people do it ? I have started responding to her saying sometimes that I am busy because I dont want to hear cries all the time .At the same time she is very helpful .Am I being Unreasonable ?

OP posts:

wizzywig · 15/09/2017 22:19

No definately not. Good on you for telling her you cant listen to her

WinditupSlowitdown · 15/09/2017 22:20

God no. I've been in the same situation. For six years I listened to the crying. I then couldn't take anymore. I started avoiding her coming over.

It's good to be there as a friend but it shouldn't have such a draining impact on your life.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/09/2017 22:20

Depends how often it is really. To me, the core of friendship is all about leaning on each other when times are tough.

wizzywig · 15/09/2017 22:21

But dailymail it cant all be one way can it?

FlakeBook · 15/09/2017 22:21

So she confides in you and is helpful in return? Sounds like a pretty good friend to me

SingingTunelessly · 15/09/2017 22:22

Of course UABU if she's a good friend as you say she is usually

FlakeBook · 15/09/2017 22:23

But the op says she is a very helpful friend, wizzy, how's that one way?

Original poster

gg1234 · 16/09/2017 10:55

Yeah helpful at times when I need some information from her but as I said lately she was not like this before and so it has started to take over my regular routine. I am still trying to figure out what to do next in my life and when someone just bugs you all the time with they crying you dont like it .....

OP posts:

Fabellini · 16/09/2017 10:59

So this is a new thing for her then? I think if I'd been friends with someone for a while, and they had been helpful to me, I would be trying to find out what had changed.
If she's upset all the time about small things, and didn't used to be, then I'd be wondering if there was a bigger thing going on under the surface and I'd be concerned for her to be honest.

FortunatelyUnfortunately · 16/09/2017 11:00

I know what you mean. I have several friends who I find myself constantly supporting. It is incredibly draining and do they ever ask how I am feeling? Do they ever notice if I am struggling at all? Do they fuck.

Sorry, I know that sounds bitter but I'd be happy to hear their woes day in, day out if they would only notice that sometimes I need support too, because that's what friends do.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 16/09/2017 11:49

gg1234 So, pretty obviously, there's something going on with her that's making her upset all the time. She's not a user or a drama queen, she's a friend having a rough time.

You sound really selfish and not a good friend.

Original poster

gg1234 · 17/09/2017 21:49

yes I think so .I am being selfish

OP posts:

Lonoxo · 17/09/2017 22:10

If it has gotten worse, then maybe she needs more help but maybe from other sources? You need to look after yourself too.

Mittens1969 · 17/09/2017 22:32

Could she be depressed? Maybe she should talk to her GP or a therapist? The thing that strikes me, though, OP, is you don't seem to care about her, only annoyed that she's bugging you. That doesn't say much for you as a 'good friend', does it?

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