Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be appalled at this teacher's attitude!

45 replies

CosyFires · 15/09/2017 19:54

Today in school, I overheard a male teacher shouting at yr 6 boy who had broken an expensive item by jumping on it. I then hear him turn to a girl and say 'this if your fault Julie, he was showing off for you. You need to stop hanging around all the boys, it's not natural!'

I was gobsmacked! How can you a) blame a girl for another's boy's actions and b) say that she's wrong for having male friends!? Seriously?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CosyFires · 15/09/2017 21:11

So telling a girl that playing with the boys is in natural is ok? Didn't realise girls should only play with girls.

OP posts:
Salmakia · 15/09/2017 21:12

All the posters saying but did you see what happened before and so on are being ridiculous. 10/11 year old kids are responsible for their own behaviour, if he broke it that was his choice regardless of who was watching and what they were saying. I can see why may have been nervous to raise it directly with him (not everyone is confident I guess) but I think complaining to the head is necessary as this is totally out of order.

ilovesooty · 15/09/2017 21:29

So again - are you aware of / familiar with the whistle blowing policy?

Crowdie · 15/09/2017 22:15

What outrages you most OP?

Blaming the girl?

The shouting?

The fact that Julie shouldn't be playing with boys?

I'm interested.

isadoradancing123 · 15/09/2017 22:21

She may well have been egging him on and he prob was showing off to her. No one said she shouldn't have male friends, they do not " play" at that age

PerfumeIsAMessage · 16/09/2017 05:57

What is also endemic is that teenage boys can do no right often and teenage girls no wrong....

Just sayin' (as both a teacher and the mother of a teenage girl)

For all the OP knows, Julie may be the school bully who forces boys into doing stuff. The worst school bully in our school is a girl. Boys are often her victims.

It may be that the teacher is a sexist old neanderthal. We don't know. Neither, on the basis of what she heard, does the OP.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 16/09/2017 06:07

isadora DD still plays at 10. At what age do they stop playing? ConfusedHmm

CoughLaughFart · 16/09/2017 08:25

That's exactly what I thought! How many 10/11 year old girls are called 'Julie' nowadays?

That's the bit you're picking apart?

GreenTulips · 16/09/2017 08:40

10/11 year old kids are responsible for their own behaviour, if he broke it that was his choice

Not always the case

Kids being bullied
Children who manipulate others for their own enjoyment and then don't get into trouble

See it all the time

Lad in DD class was bullied so much he had a break down and trashed the class room, he was driven to it by intense unfairness and rage. Was it his fault? Of coarse not! Did the bullies get in trouble? No! It's disgraceful.

PandasRock · 16/09/2017 08:47

There's a 10 year old Julie in my dd's class.

And both dd and Julie 'play' (although generally not in the same group, so there's two groups of 10 year olds indulging in this apparently odd phenomenon of 'playing' Hmm )

OP, challenge it. Lazy stereotyping and crappy attitudes persist, largely because they go unchallenged.

Creatureofthenight · 16/09/2017 08:56

I'd definitely be making the head aware of this teacher's stance on boy/girl friendships, that to me is the most concerning thing about what you heard.

VeryCunningStunt · 16/09/2017 09:07

That's the bit you're picking apart?

My apologies for not adding the caveat 'light-hearted'. I assumed this was evident from the fact that I followed this with a comment joking about how I'm so old that the names that were common when I was a child are now making a comeback. Hmm

Salmakia · 16/09/2017 10:03

Green Interesting that your response to a man being blatantly sexist is to defend his actions and suggest that there must be a reason for a boy's bad behaviour that can justifiably be blamed on a girl.

The teacher didn't say "Julie you're forcing X to smash things with threats of violence", or "Julie you're behaviour is against our rules on bullying" he said the boy was showing off, yet that is somehow her fault for existing in the same space as him.

steppemum · 16/09/2017 10:13

In principle I agree with you, but as teacher I saw quite few incidents where one child wound the other up and persuaded them to do something, and the secodn child did it, and then got into trouble.
If I was aware of it, I used to pull both kids out and deal with it. Winding someone else up to that point is not acceptable.

We have no evidence if that was the case (In my experience it wasn't usually a boy/girl thing, more any 2 friends)
The teacher may have been aware of this dynamic between them.

cushioncovers · 16/09/2017 10:26

The teacher was out of order for phrasing it like that.
I'm just guessing but the boy was probably showing off and playing to an audience and the girl was probably encouraging him possibly knowing he might get told off.
I could be wrong obviously as we weren't there. But the teacher handled it wrong imo

GreenTulips · 16/09/2017 10:42

Love to see a to poster who is able to choose their words exactly at the moment the was an incident in school. He was cross school equipment was broken and schools don't have money to replace.

It doesn't matter that she was a girl, boys show off to boys as well as girls (so do girls to girls and boys)

He knows these kids - and may on reflection chose different words

Maybe the mother is worried about her daughter hangingbround with the boys and this is a reflection? Maybe the girl is a trouble maker and he's referring to her 'attitude' rather than friendships.

AuntMarch · 16/09/2017 10:57

I dont understand why the op is being put down.
The teacher has said its Julie's fault because the boy was showing off, and that it isn't right for her to hang around with boys. That is not appropriate! If anything CHILDREN of that age should be confident in knowledge that boys and girls can be friends.

Even IF she was actually bullying him, that is not what the teacher thought so isn't relevent to his attitude.

scaryclown · 16/09/2017 11:05

Oh god, do none of you remember school? Girls always reward and give attention to bad behaviour in boys, it's one way to even out the game. It's the junior version of getting two man to fight because you tell each the other is bitch ing about them, ormaking out you love boys who are hard and don't do their homework, but weirdly, you seem to do yours...

CoughLaughFart · 16/09/2017 17:16

No need for the silly little Hmm face CunningStunt. I think we could all see what you were implying.

VeryCunningStunt · 16/09/2017 23:06

No need for the silly little hmm face CunningStunt. I think we could all see what you were implying

Erm, ok then. Chill out a bit, pet.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page