what social issues should we discuss with young children, and what should we avoid??

[GiggleBoxx]

I really struggle with this topic with my children (aged 4 and 6) about how much to discuss social issues with them, and how much to protect them from - for example poverty, homelessness, natural disasters, war, terrorism, etc. We've worked on the principle of always answering questions honestly but in an age appropriate away, rather than not discussing them with them at all, however my youngest tends to worry about things so it does make things tricky - he over heard a conversation for example about the hurricanes in America and is now worried our house will blow away. How much is too much or too little? I know there is no absolute answer to this of course but interested in what other parents think?

I think this is really tricky, but I'm trying to follow my mum's example. She talked to me about everything but I'm an age appropriate way and stuck to simple facts when I was especially young.

For example, I have no concept of 'learning' about sex - I just remember knowing because she introduced things slowly bit by bit.

My son is 4 and asks lots of questions and I give him answers which he can understand but don't shield him as such.

As you say there isn't really a correct way. I remember being freaked out when my brother told me about nuclear bombs in the '80s during the cold war. He also told me there was no Santa when I was about 8.

I think I've basically winged parenthood tbh, let them be themselves and answer as honestly as you can for each situation.

There's no fast or loose rules for me.

I think that you're doing exactly the right thing by answering questions honestly and in an age-appropriate way.

For your child who is a worrier then there are always explanations that can reassure him that he is unlikely to be affected eg if he hears about the hurricane then explain that they are quite rare and when they do happen it is usually in a particular part of the world and that we are lucky in the UK because we are not in the hurricane belt.

IMO it's just about making it age appropriate, but also about explaining the reasons why we don't worry about certain things. For example with hurricanes you could explain that hurricanes are a thing that only happen in certain areas of the world because different parts of the world have different climates which means they get different types of weather. That's why it rains very much in England but Australia is usually sunny and hot, Lapland usually has snow all winter, etc. You could explain that Florida is a particular part of America where the climate means that hurricanes can happen, but that hurricanes are very rare in Britain and when we have had hurricanes, they are not anywhere near on the same scale and normally just mean very strong winds, nothing like houses being blown away.

You could also explain that houses in America are often made of wood which means that they tend to blow away more easily than British houses which are usually made of bricks, stone or concrete. (Wooden houses can be more stable in earthquakes).

Also accepting the feelings - it's okay to be sad and worried about people in America right now because they are in a frightening and dangerous situation, that's a proportionate response. I know it can be our instinct to want to make it all better but actually you can't always make things better. It can help DC to develop skills of empathy if you let them have the sad feelings and acknowledge that it is a terrible thing for people.

But I do admit - DS was about 5 when that passenger plane was shot down a few years ago and I exclaimed oh my god they've shot down a plane, and he asked me "Did the people have to go down the emergency slide?" and I hesitated for about a second and lied "Yes, I expect they did." In that case it was because we live abroad from family and I did not want him to suddenly develop a fear of flying, and I was finding the news upsetting and difficult to process myself, but normally we'll talk about things openly.

Recently (he's 8 now) he heard about the Grenfell Tower fire and was alarmed about the fact it started in a fridge. So we were able to talk about how although that was a very shocking and frightening event, actually the circumstances of that particular fire were highly unusual and don't apply to the block that we live in. And also that the family with the fridge fire actually were some of the first people to escape because they knew about the fire so early. It actually gave us a good reason to talk about what you should do if you ever find yourself in a fire which was a good reminder, and he seemed to feel better after that once he knew what he should do.

We've explained war to DD (5), in terms of bad guys & good guys. The bad guys are bullies & try to go/come & take, do things they shouldn't, & hurt people. We explain that the good guys & bad guys are called soldiers & wear uniforms, sometimes they get hurt fighting to defend their country & they are very brave. We saw a war veteran in the supermarket a few weeks ago, he had an artificial leg, DD was a bit scared. We explained he's a good guy & now he's a superhero because he's got a special leg. (The veteran seemed to kind of like that!)

We've seen homeless people sleeping on the street & (obviously once we were out of earshot) talked about how not everyone has a nice house to live in. Some people have big houses, some have small houses like us, some people share a single room with their whole family, & some people have to sleep under a bridge etc.

We talked about people who get poorly & different reasons why they might get poorly, & why it's important to try to stay healthy. Things like not smoking cigarettes, trying to eat a variety of healthy food & not too many sweet foods, not drinking silly beer because it makes you fall over. We talked about how some people get poorly anyway, & how some people are born poorly, & sometimes people get better, or the doctors can help them, & sometimes they don't.

Totally depends on the child. My son and me talk about everything and have always done in an age appropriate way. Male pattern violence, transgender arguments, religion, homosexuality, disasters, politics, the lot. He is 11 and is described by his teachers as sensitive, emotionally aware and empathetic. But I took my que from him. He is naturally inquisitive, likes an in depth discussion and is emotionally intelligent. I also don't 'tell' him my views but offer different points of view and ask him his viewpoint and explain it's important not to follow what his father and I think but to listen to all views and make his own mind up.

My daughter on the other hand is 9 and although much more academically able than my son is so uninterested in anything outside her school, hobbies and family. She was told recently about a sex education class coming up and asked me to tell the school not to tell her as "I'm not interested in knowing about all that disgusting stuff I'm only 9 for gods sake!" I tried to tell her last year how animals made babies and she put her hands over her ears and ran off

So I don't think there is a 'right' answer and a one size fits all. Parental instinct and understanding your own child is the way forward I think.