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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wean a boob monster

30 replies

Apachepony · 15/09/2017 14:10

Well I'm probably Abu to post here for traffic but...my 14 month old just wants to nurse all night long. I have a high pressured job, and I'm on my knees - my work performance must really be suffering. Not of the "gentle" pantley methods are really working. Do I just go cold turkey, send my dh in and let him cry all night? At the end of my tether...tips welcome...

OP posts:

Original poster

Apachepony · 15/09/2017 14:10

It doesn't help that he seems to be constantly teething or sick (in fact I'm starting to suspect a food intolerance)

OP posts:

grecian100 · 15/09/2017 14:18

Wean whatever way you feel is best but YABVU to use the term boob monster.

FleasSitOnPeas · 15/09/2017 14:20

Do you want to stop all together? Would you be up for nightweaning? My kid (20 months) is partially night weaned. Cold turkey no milk from when I went to bed till 6am. Worked ok. First week hell. I'm debating stopping all together but he's so attached and gets so much comfort from it. Hard to know the right thing to do. You co sleeping?

blueberrypi27 · 15/09/2017 14:20

YWBU to let your baby cry all night and would probably end up with mastitis. Can you call the bf helpline? It's really hard I know, my son is 10 months and still bf regularly at night. We co sleep on nights I work to maximise sleep

RibenaMonsoon · 15/09/2017 14:22

My DS is the same. I'll be following suit in a few months so watching with interest. I'm sorry that I've nothing useful to say but I'm very much feeling your pain.

farfarawayfromhome · 15/09/2017 14:23

You can get tablets to stop your milk (dostinex). YANBU my DD still fed through the night (bottles) when I was back at work and the saving grace was I could share this with my DH. You can't if you are BF.

Original poster

Apachepony · 15/09/2017 14:23

Yes, cosleep & yes if I could just nightwean - I don't mind bf after work. A full week of hell? Lots of crying etc? My dh is totally crap at night, not sure if he'll go for taking over for a week. And there always seems to be some reason not to...but honestly I'm knackered. I dream of a full nights sleep.

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Original poster

Apachepony · 15/09/2017 14:26

Is nightweaning more difficult if you dont also cut it during the day?

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greeeen · 15/09/2017 14:32

I had this with DD and the only thing that worked was sending DH in. She cried the first two nights, with him there comforting her the whole time, then she was fine. She will now settle for him anytime happily and it has improved their relationship in general.

greeeen · 15/09/2017 14:33

Oh and I still breastfeed x2 in the day so no preoblem there for us.

lurkingnotlurking · 15/09/2017 14:34

We night-weaned our first at 15 months. But he wasn't constantly teething/ill. If he wanted milk before 11.30, I'd give it and then he had water during any awakenings until around 5am. Then milk again. We only tried it out and it worked - he was fine with the change really quickly and we didn't need him to cry. maybe the info helps you, maybe not. But do what's best for yourself (YANBU). PS - 'boob monster' is a jokey term sometimes used here too.

Susierocks · 15/09/2017 14:35

Does your child feed to sleep? As soon as I broke that connection for my ds he stopped waking at all and actually self weaned. Before this he was feeding all night long, he definitely wasn't hungry at this point, it was purely comfort.

Susierocks · 15/09/2017 14:37

Also, not sure nightweaning will work very well if you cosleep.

DancingLedge · 15/09/2017 14:38

I night weaned two of mine. Both, DH went in, lots of crying, I would have cracked if he'd let, glad he didn't. Second night, some crying, but less than an hour total.
After that, nothing.
Was it hard? Yes. Was I honestly in a position to be a better parent, once not cracking up under sleep deprivation? Yes.

Only word of caution, I started by getting mine to nap without me in day, not feed to sleep for a nap. Because getting to sleep by themselves is something they need to learn to do. Ideally not at the same time they're learning to give up on night feeding.

53rdWay · 15/09/2017 14:40

Jay Gordon's method is nightweaning for co-sleepers. drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Tazerface · 15/09/2017 14:48

I did.

At 14 months, DS would still feed all night if he could, but I was working full time so no day time feeds (maybe one in the morning, I can't remember).

I took a week off work, did controlled crying to get him into his own cot in his own room, and then just didn't let him feed anymore.

I never felt any guilt at all, I needed to sleep and the feeding wasn't letting me, and he didn't need it.

It took one night of crying till 11 for him to get it btw - the second night he was asleep in 20 minutes and then every night after that he was happy to be put to bed on his own. Until he could get out of the cot...but that's another story!

Muddywellies10 · 15/09/2017 14:48

I was in this position a month ago. Co-sleeping and feeding every hour. I was shattered and had to stop. What worked for us was my dh doing the go to bed feed with a bottle for a week and then cuddling him until he fell asleep on the bed. There was some crying initially but daddy was with him and he did drop off eventually. We did this for 10 days so he learnt he could sleep without bf to sleep. Then one night I took lots of bottles to bed with me and wore a massive thick fleece (smelling of dh!). When he woke I cuddled him, offered the bottle but did not bf. He was fine! Looked for the boob a bit but accepted cuddles and bottle as a good compromise. I was so worried about doing it but it worked much more easily than I expected- he didn't even look for the boob the second night at all and suddenly slept two 4 hour blocks! Only warning was I had to get up and express in the bathroom periodically (just a bit to relieve pressure) and did that for a whole week so that I didn't get a blocked duct. I have had mastitis twice and was so worried about getting it again, but as long as you express a bit then you can go cold turkey on feeds at night. Good luck - we have been down to one wake up last two nights and it makes such a difference!

FleasSitOnPeas · 15/09/2017 14:54

I started with the Jay Gordon method a few times. Half adopted it this latest time. We also co sleep. Partner didn't take over, we did the same as every night, so baby joined us in the bed when we went down and then when he woke the only difference was the access to milk. Instead I offered cuddles and patting, all without getting up. Yes lots of crying but it does quickly get better. First 2 nights was hours of upset, the rest of the week involved the same amount of waking just very quick to settle. After that week the sleep was so much better. Having a blip at the moment which is why I'm considering stopping all together. I still feed on demand during the day.

mummymeister · 15/09/2017 15:01

Controlled crying isn't letting him cry all night. its offering minimal comfort, not just abandoning a baby to cry.

its difficult to give detailed advice without knowing how much he feeds during the day, how much he eats of solid food, whether or not you co- sleep etc.

I am very much in the camp that a sleep deprived parent is not good for the child nor the adult and that there does come a point where you have to put your needs first. 14 months breast feeding has given your little one a really good start. personally, I would be stopping at night altogether and slowly withdrawing during the day. Do it gradually though to avoid mastitis.

Dustbunny1900 · 15/09/2017 15:03

If you co sleep, doesn't he "dream feed"? My 7 month old has always slept with me and when he gets hungry/thirsty/needs the boob in the middle of the night, well I'm pressed up against him anyways so he just latches and drinks in his sleep and I don't have to get up or wake up.

Is he biting you ? I got a silk blanket for my first son (I guess it's soft like skin) and his "guggie" (pacifier) and after a week of gently but firmly replacing the boob with those other forms of comfort, he caught on. It also helped to send him to bed with a real full tummy

Loopytiles · 15/09/2017 15:06

I was in your shoes and with DH did Dr Jay Gordon method to night wean: three nights of hell, I mean five solid hours of crying (while being held by DH or me and given water), then a few grizzly nights then no more bf at night, or 5am morning feeds (had to leave for work at 6 and couldn't take it!) but carried on bf in day for much longer.

I was in a right state at work before doing it, felt ill.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/09/2017 15:09

I night weaned my DS when he was 10 months for the exact same reason you are wanting to do it.

Is he in his own room? Your first post implies that he is but then you say you co-sleep?

I used to co-sleep but when I made the decision to night wean I moved him to his own room. We were sleep training DS anyway (mainly for his need for breast feeds overnight) and moving him into his own room was a big factor in its success. Within about 4-5 nights DS was self settling so not heeding a breast feed to get him to sleep and he was also sleeping though from 8pm to 6am.

I continued to breast feed him until he was 2.5 years old so night weaning doesn't have to mean the end of breast feeding altogether.

Original poster

Apachepony · 15/09/2017 15:13

He no longer feeds to sleep for naps or when going to sleep but definitely does during the night! Ok sounds like a bit of crying is going to be involved - I presume it will be easier if it is my dh doing the comforting for the first few nights rather than me?

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Writerwannabe83 · 15/09/2017 15:18

If he's going to be picked up and cuddles etc as part of his comforting then yes, I would send DH in.

I did the sleep training and night weaning via CC so it didn't matter whether DH or I went in as there was minimal interaction anyway. We did however choose to do it during a week that DH was off work due to us expecting it to be hard going on us both and anticipating having lots of sleepless or disturbed nights

Loopytiles · 15/09/2017 17:52

DD was the same for DH and me, we split shifts to try and each get some sleep! Ruined our week off but did work! Continued to co sleep after.

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