Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To tell DP to sort his hair out

27 replies

LefDeppard · 15/09/2017 13:52

It's not that it's messy, he just can't make his mind up.
I'm 31, DP is 35 and started going grey quite young (v grey on back and sides less so on top but still quite grey).
He usually dyes it (a mid brown, looks fine, not like he's "bingo caller" black).
He keeps veering between dying it and letting it grow out to its natural colour, then today I got home and he's dyed it again.
He has been trying for a promotion at work for a year or so and says leaving his hair grey makes him feel "washed out" and he feels too young at 35 to "admit defeat" by going grey, how can I get him to make his mind up one way or the other it's clearly something he's overly sensitive to.

OP posts:

user1471517900 · 15/09/2017 13:53

Why can't he keep changing depending on his mood? He is entitled to give both a go.

tellitlikeitispls · 15/09/2017 13:55

its his hair. why does he need to make up his mind for you?

shirtyQwerty · 15/09/2017 13:56

I hope he's getting support re. his controlling 'P'.

Who are you to control the way he looks?

The only important aspect of his appearance is that he's happy.

ShitOrBust · 15/09/2017 13:57

Dyed hair on men is a bit tragic. It's easy to spot too.

Grimmfebruary · 15/09/2017 13:58

My dp is almost totally grey and he's 31. His hair was also almost black so it's really noticeable. He suits it though. I like it.

DeleteOrDecay · 15/09/2017 13:59

It's his hair, why do you care whether he keeps changing his mind or not?

Also how is dyed hair on men tragic?

user1471517900 · 15/09/2017 13:59

ShitorBust - Yeah I hate it when men try to do something with their appearance. How dare they

dollydaydream114 · 15/09/2017 13:59

He can do what he wants with his hair; it's none of your business.

If my DP was telling me to 'sort my hair out' I'd be telling him to piss off.

Women change hair colours all the time. Why can't he? Why is it a problem for you that sometimes he prefers it brown?

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/09/2017 14:00

My 50 yo DH does this. Dyes his greying hair a very natural shade of brown and then lets it grow out, then dyes it again when he gets fed up of being grey.

I really cant see the problem and tbh do the same myself.

Why are you so worried about it?

dollydaydream114 · 15/09/2017 14:01

ShitOrBust It's not easy to spot at all if it's done well. Men's hair is no different from women's and responds to dye in exactly the same way.

SerfTerf · 15/09/2017 14:05

There's a "gradual" Just for Men shampoo that is a bit of a halfway house. Could be perfect for a man who can't make his mind up?

Prusik · 15/09/2017 14:05

It's a big change to go natural when going grey. DH has a massive bald patch at the age of only 30. He always used to have his hair long but it was looking worse and worse. Finally this year he shaved it all off and it looks so much tidier. It look a lot for him to make the change though

LagunaBubbles · 15/09/2017 14:07

Dyed hair on men is a bit tragic

What a load of sexist rubbish. Its exactly the same as women dying their hair.

KimmySchmidt1 · 15/09/2017 14:08

Start by asking him for brutally honest feedback on what he doesn't like about your hair and changes you make to it?

VladmirsPoutine · 15/09/2017 14:08

Why can't he keep changing depending on his mood? He is entitled to give both a go.

Yes to this. It's his prerogative. Would you welcome him policing your hair choices? I think not.

DarceyBusselsNose · 15/09/2017 14:13

People do make snap judgements. First impressions. Dyed hair on men is one of those where the thought just pops into your head before you can stop it.

DeleteOrDecay · 15/09/2017 14:16

Dyed hair on men is one of those where the thought just pops into your head before you can stop it.

Is it?

notarehearsal · 15/09/2017 14:21

Had a one night stand with gorgeous bloke many years ago. We'd have been mid 30's. In the morning I noticed that hair dye had come off his hair onto pillow. Feel ashamed to say I found it a terrible turn off. I know it shouldn't make any difference and I've always coloured my hair but on a man I don't know...

notarehearsal · 15/09/2017 14:23

Oh and I love grey hair on men but hate my own. Terribly sexist but being honest

Notreallyarsed · 15/09/2017 14:27

If this was written by a man complaining about his partner's appearance he'd get his arse handed to him. OP, you need to leave him be. If you have a problem with it, then it's your problem.

TheLegendOfBeans · 15/09/2017 14:28

It's sad but true that where hair dyeing is concerned it's one of the few areas that's completely accepted on women but on men it's seen as vanity/weird/a turn off.

YANBU...but good luck addressing it without hurting his feelings

Ps; "bingo caller black" is an absolute belter of a description for someone's badly dyed hair I saw on telly yesterday Sharleen Spiteri.

PollyFlint · 15/09/2017 14:37

Dyed hair on men is one of those where the thought just pops into your head before you can stop it.

Bollocks, bad dye jobs are something people notice on men AND women but as dolly said, though, you undoubtedly see men with dyed hair all the time and don't even realise it, because it's been done well.

OP, your DP can do whatever he likes with his hair. If he likes to perk himself up by dyeing it sometimes, what on earth is the problem? If you think he only dyes it because he lacks self confidence, then tell him he looks just as lovely with grey hair as he does when its brown. But certainly don't try to tell him he has to 'sort his hair out' and make up his mind just because you don't happen to like him chopping and changing.

Nousernameforme · 15/09/2017 14:42

Pretty sure phillip schofield doesn't have natural platinum hair. If it looks like a bad dye job then it is off putting can he get it done properly OP?

changingShorts · 15/09/2017 15:47

I'm sure that you only notice the bad dye-jobs on men, not the good ones. Like on women. The only thing might be that men tend to have shorter hair cuts than women do so the roots might show more quickly, IYSWIM?

Anyway, DH has v dark hair with a few steely grey streaks. He uses a grey reducing shampoo every few days which doesn't entirely get rid of it but tones it down. It doesn't look obvious.

NerrSnerr · 15/09/2017 15:59

What's wrong with him not making up his mind? Isn't that one of the benefits of hair dye that you can colour it whatever colour you want whenever you want to? Is it just men who shouldn't change the colour of their hair or do women need to choose one colour and stick with it too?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread