Posting here for traffic. STBXH putting the fear of God up me about life as a single parent.

[PickleFactory]

A few days ago I called time on our 14yr marriage, I am seeing my solicitor on Tuesday to start divorce proceedings.

We have 2DS aged 9 and 6 and I'm currently a SAHM, but now frantically looking for work.

But my STBXH keeps telling me how hard it will be as a single parent and how I will really struggle financially and it will hit the kids hard.

I know it will be hard. But he is constantly telling me this and it's really starting to worry me.

I will get some equity out of the house and obviously maintenance, but he's telling me I'll only be able to rent.

Please tell me it's not that scary.

You sound well rid.

I'm so much better off since I've been single. I've been able to control how I save or spend money, and saved enough to be hopefully buying a house soon.

Have a look on Moneysavingexpert if you haven't already - you might be able to live on a lot less than you do currently.

It wasn't easy but it was easier than living with my ex.

I hadn't worked in ages but I started with volunteering then got a job that works around school hours. I love my life now!

Good luck - you'll be so much happier, honestly.

Fwiw dh's wx had an affair and kicked him out.

She took him to court for the house. The court said as she was in a new relationship she had to buy him out- but then deemed she could only afford 130k mortgage in her own name (new bloke not expected to chip in).

So the house was worth 300k, and had 100k joint mortgage. She remortgaged for 130k, and dh got 30k.

Dh has never been able to buy his own property.

They will do what is deemed best for the kids, not what is fair to the adults.

Life as a single parent is pretty wondeful compared to being married to a personality-disordered cheating scumbag who can't see beyond the tip of his penis.

He's trying to scare you. A good solicitor will be onto him and will get your sorted.

You'll only fuck your kids up if you behave badly and drag them into it (as he is doing, using them to hurt you).

I have 4DCs, I am run ragged. It's fucking hard. But I love them so it wouldn't matter if it's a million times harder. You do it.

You might not have to leave the house until the youngest is 18/21.

Get your paperwork in order and don't get dragged into his games.

I'm a single parent of 3. I don't want to take away from the fact that a lot of people find it hard, but I really don't.
It's liberating. Being in a relationship with an abusive arsehole was really difficult.

Also, take advice from your solicitor before looking for work.

Yes you need to work, obviously. But part of the point of the financial order will be to make things FAIR. So if you've given up your career to care for the children, his actions don't mean that your choices now are quickly take any shit job to put food on the table and get completely stuck in that rut while his career continues just dandy. That's the kind of inequality you struggle to come back from and that's one thing your solicitor should be defending you from.

So, if you decide to go back to your old job or career or can argue that the better long-term plan is that you get a chance to retrain for a couple of years, then your sol should be arguing that the financial agreement also needs to reflect that.

It's better all round anyway for the kids too - a bit more support now makes it less likely that the outcome if this divorce is that the resident parent never fully gets back on their feet.

So take advice first.

Again thanks for all the advice, really appreciate it and feel much happier now.

A lot to take on board but hopefully it will all become much clearer.