My friend, who I like very much, is suffering from depression which has led to anxiety, panic attacks and a steady stream of negative comments about everything. I appreciate that this is part of her illness, and have experienced it myself in the past.
Normally I would listen and support her, and I have been, on a daily basis, for over two weeks, but tonight the constant negativity just affected me so much that I told her that I love her, appreciate that she is struggling, but that I can't take the negativity and needed to take a step back (another friend is also supporting her and was involved in this conversation so I wasn't just abandoning her with no one).
I felt I had to do this because I am really struggling. My fabulous mum, who I utterly adored, died five weeks ago. I am doing my best to push on through the most painful and difficult thing I've ever gone through, whilst still trying to be a good friend, but I couldn't cope with any more negativity. I'm barely keeping my head above water as it is.
I tried to phrase it kindly, said that I loved her and would normally do anything for her, but at the moment I was struggling to keep myself going following my mum's death so I was stepping back from the conversation because I was concerned about the impact it was having on my ability to keep going. I didn't intend to hurt anyone, but I need to be kind to myself at the moment.
I know that depression is a selfish illness, and I know that she's really struggling, but her response shocked me.
'I suppose I'll just stop talking then.' in a really off tone.
No acknowledgement of me, or appreciation that I'm struggling. Just the impression that I've done something really out of order by putting my own wellbeing first for once.
I've ended up in tears. Was I being unreasonable? I don't think so, but my friend clearly thinks I am.